Night at the Haunted Asylum, Part Four: Zoinks!
A comedy article
by Shell Belle  31,380  9
11/06/2009 02:46 AM 1605 views
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After all my adventures in the haunted asylum [read Part 1 here], perhaps I should have just called it a night. I had paid good money to be here though, and it wasn't even midnight yet. Plus, I was still looking to have the ultimate paranormal experience. The one that would shake me to my core and chase all the skepticism away.
Even though I would call myself a believer, I still approach things with a healthy dose of skepticism. I believe that a large number of experiences that people attribute to the paranormal have a completely logical explanation. It is the handful of others that seem to defy explanation that leave me scratching my head. I have had several experiences like this, and was really hoping to have one on this night.
After the gaseous EVP session had concluded, I spent about an hour exploring the third floor. Despite getting some orbs, which were nothing more than dust, I came up empty. Starting to feel a bit frustrated, I turned to my mom and remarked, "So much for this place being so haunted. All we've seen so far is one possible shadow figure. This sucks." Famous last words.
Hey, check out my orbs! Too bad it's just dust.
Time on the third floor expired, and our group was off to the second floor. Shadow activity is alleged to be very strong on this floor. They are most often observed in the hallway, so we stationed ourselves in the middle of the hall. We sat quietly, flashlights again turned off. After waiting a few minutes to let our eyes adjust to the darkness, members of the group began calling out, urging any spirits present to make themselves known. I know, that sounds incredibly cheesy, but that seems to be the line we use most in an investigation.
The invitation having been issued, silence settled over the group once again. Five minutes went by. Nothing. Ten minutes. Still nothing. My mind began to wander. As I was sitting there thinking how glad I was that my stomach had quieted down, I saw it. About twenty feet down the hall on the left, a dark shape appeared to peek out of a room. From what I saw of it, it looked just like a head and part of a shoulder. And it was at just the right height to have been a person peeking out. It happened so fast though, it was hard to be sure if I had really seen something or if my eyes were just playing tricks on me.
I had barely begun to contemplate on this when I saw it again. The same as before. A quick peek. This time though, someone in front of me and to my right said, "Did anyone else see that? A head peeking out on the left?" Several claimed they had. Was it really there? Was it possible that all of our eyes were playing tricks on us? If they were, would we all have seen the same thing? What are the chances of that? Did I leave the iron on? These are the questions that began running through my head as I sat there.
Shadow figure at Waverly Hills
This went on for about ten more minutes. I saw more shadows dart in and out of the room. Every time, I did, there were at least two other people who claimed to have seen the same thing. I looked further down the hall, just in time to see a shadowy figure that was shaped like an entire person. It seemed to be standing against the wall. It moved slightly as if it were taking a step toward the middle of the hall. I could even see a space open up where its legs would have been. Then as it quick as it had stepped out, it moved back toward the wall. My breath caught as three other people asked, "Did you see that? It's standing along the wall and stepped out!" This whole thing was just blowing my mind. My pulse was skyrocketing.
Now, I need to point out that there were about fifteen people in our group. So of course the hall was not wide enough for us all to be sitting alongside each other. We were sitting in three rows, one behind the other. I was in the last row. As I sat there, watching the shadows in front of us, a tiny thought surfaced. I tried to push it away, but it stubbornly refused. It captured my full attention. The thought was: If this is happening in front of me, then what the hell must be going on behind me?
I felt a huge surge of adrenaline. And then the fear came. I began looking behind me every few seconds. I saw nothing. As weird as it sounds, I began thinking about Scooby Doo. How many times had a monster been quietly sneaking up behind Shaggy and Scooby, but would disappear quickly when they turned around? It seems to have happened in almost every show. It would move quietly, getting closer and closer, until it got close enough to scare the living crap out of them. Then Shaggy would say something like "Zoinks! A g-g-ghost!" and they would take off running.
Feeling just like Shaggy and Scooby, I sat there, certain that a shadow was at that very second sneaking up behind me, getting closer and closer. I kept turning around. Nothing. But then when I turned back around, I was sure it was back there again. It was just a matter of time before I felt it breathing on me or tapping me on the back. Zoinks! I was about to completely freak out. I don't remember ever having been so afraid.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I was vaguely aware that the others had continued to see shadows in front of us. I was too preoccupied with what was behind me to care about that. Determined to get out of this situation without embarrassing myself too much, I tapped the guy in front of me on the shoulder. He turned and I whispered, "Will you trade places with me? I'm scared with nobody behind me."
I had just broken an investigator's cardinal rule: no whispering. Choruses of "Stop whispering!" broke out all around me. Oops. And now everyone's attention was focused on me. Damn. The man agreed to trade places with me and I settled into my new spot, embarrassed. Better embarrassed than scared to death though, I guess.
Looking back on that night, I still ask myself if I had really seen what I thought I saw. Although I am almost certain that I did, part of me still questions it and probably always will. Do I expect you to believe me? I most definitely do not. If someone told me this, I would politely say, "Oh, really? That's great!" to their face, but I would probably be thinking, "What a nutcase!" Our minds tend to dismiss what they cannot explain.
I have continued my investigating. As a matter of fact, even as I write this, I am packing to leave for Colorado. I will be staying at the infamous Stanley Hotel, which was Stephen King's inspiration for his novel The Shining. Tales of its hauntings are legendary. I may or may not see a ghost. I will most certainly have fun though. And isn't that the most important thing? It probably isn't, but it's the best I've got. Work with me, here.
The Stanley Hotel, the site of my next freak out.
Redrum, anyone?
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.7
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.7
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Thud 53,122  10
11/06/2009 03:13 AM
Hey, check out my orbs!
Anyone got dibs on the easy joke?
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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Lord Blackadder 313 1
11/06/2009 03:23 AM
Damn! I was expecting it to be Mr Peabody, the fairground owner.
Have fun at the Stanley Hotel
Remember:
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy
Rinse and Repeat
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.5
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A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/06/2009 07:23 AM
How come nobody went up the the specter to get a better look or try to interact with it closely? Maybe even just talk about it's mama or call it a fag to try to rile it up. I would have.
Nah, who am I kidding. I would have picked up a water fountain, thrown it through a window and escaped.
Lovely story telling.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.4
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Whistler P. McManus 141,536 23
11/06/2009 07:29 AM
I have a question for you, Shelle. This question comes from my experiences watching Scooby Doo. Why is it that when people who hunt for ghosts get scared and decide to run away, they always run in place for a few seconds before they actually start moving?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Chit 163,898 10
11/06/2009 07:37 AM
Redrum, anyone?
Most definitely...make mine a double please.
Wouldn't that be awesome if the mini-bar in your room was packed with 50 little airline sized bottles of Red Rum? Or one big free one?
Didn't mean to launch right into my own little fantasy like that. -sorry
Awesome series Shell.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1848521
A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,380 10
11/06/2009 06:53 PM
Gadzooks!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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KChicken Gravy & Mashed 'Tatoes! 50,428 11
11/06/2009 08:09 PM
Awesome! I can't wait to hear what you experience at the Stanley Hotel! (JEALOUS!)
By the way, quick note that about 4 other people and I smelled pipe smoke (not cigar or cigarette) at the St Augustine Lighthouse when I went last month. We couldn't find any source of it, but it's one of the things visitors report there. WEIRD!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1848542
A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/06/2009 08:14 PM
Yeah, I'm not allowed to smoke in Lobster's truck because if I do, my ghost stays behind and ghost smokes in there for a long time afterwards.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Shell Belle 31,380 9
11/07/2009 07:23 AM
I'm in Colorado! This place is beautiful.
There's a Jack Nicholson impersonator here. He looks exactly like him! I'll have to get a picture.
There are a lot of reports of people's closets opening and closing by themselves in the middle of the night. So I put my suitcase in front of the door. Zoinks!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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John Hargrave 116,625 19
11/11/2009 08:04 AM
Fantastic article series. Really well written, funny, and involving pranks on ghost hunters. We'll be featuring it from the ZUG home page today.
Have fun in Colorado, and watch the elevator doors when they open, to make sure millions of gallons of blood don't come rushing out.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Kimbomommy 213 2
11/12/2009 12:14 AM
You deserve a Scooby snack for this! Good job. Looking forward to reading about your next adventure.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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KChiki's Gravy & Mashed 'Tatoes! 50,428 11
11/12/2009 12:40 AM
Does anyone else see the ghost trees that grew up in front of the Asylum overnight?
Or the ghost parking lot that vanished in the second picture?? ELEVENTY!!1!11!
(Actually, I think it's almost X-shaped and the second pic is the back.)
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Funny
6 votes
3.7
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A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,380 10
11/12/2009 12:46 AM
(Actually, I think it's almost X-shaped and the second pic is the back.)
Damn your accursed logic meddling kids!
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0 votes
0.0
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J. Frey 10 1
11/15/2009 09:34 AM
Wow haha just imagine the hilarity if one had attended this with the sole purpose of pranking...
Hmmmmmmm...
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