BELLE FOURCHE, SD -- When Janet Peterson was doing her family's laundry this past Saturday, she discovered something not that unusual in her son Cody's underwear: a large brown streak. But this streak differed from the normal 'skid marks' she regularly encounters while doing the wash.
"It was wider and thicker than usual," said the homemaker and mother of two, "and there were traces of blood and what looked like tobacco grains in it. It was a lot crustier too."
Tobacco use in any form is dangerous, but a new way to use the vile, heavily taxed weed has emerged in South Dakota. Anal tobacco use, virtually unheard of until the late 90s when it first appeared in Wyoming, has become something of a fad among the youth in this sleepy little town of 4500.
Located just a few miles from the Wyoming border, in many ways Belle Fourche has more in common with its neighbor than it does the rest of South Dakota. Ranching is a significant part of the economy, and rodeo and Western-style culture predominate over the farming, tourism, and Midwestern nature of the majority of South Dakota.
According to Belle Fourche Mayor Dave Schneider, it's no surprise that the practice of using oral tobacco anally made its first significant appearance in South Dakota here. "We suspected it would show up eventually, but instead of handing out pamphlets about the dangers of anal tobacco use to all the kids at school, we should have taken a different approach. All the pamphlets seem to have done was create more awareness and interest in using tobacco anally."
Cody Umbridge, 16, agrees. "I would never have thought about it. Seriously. Who would? But the pamphlet went on and on about the reasons for putting chew in your butt, like how the rectal muscles are strong enough to squeeze out every drop of nicotine and how the membrane or whatever in there is really porous and allows you to absorb it all really fast and catch a good buzz. It sounded like fun. It did say something about early prostrate cancer, permanent sphincter damage, and the potential for butt cheek amputation, but who pays attention to that stuff?"
"I actually did hear about it before but thought it was joke," says Cody Wiler, 17, Umbridge's classmate and friend. "But after I tried it I was hooked. You can get pretty high, but for me it's all about the burn."
Dr. Arnold Griffin of the Wyoming Department of Health knows more about anal tobacco use than perhaps anyone in the country. Head of Wyoming's anti-anal tobacco task force, 'Not No--Butt No!', Griffin has watched the practice of using oral tobacco anally grow into a state-wide problem. "It's become really significant here in Wyoming, rivaling both smoking and traditional oral use. I'd really hate to see the problem spread, even to South Dakota."
According to Griffin, anal tobacco use began on the underground rodeo circuit among, perhaps not surprisingly, the rodeo clowns. From there it spread to legitimate rodeo events and then to the cowboys and cowgirls in the stands. Unlike oral tobacco use, which is traditionally a male habit, using anal tobacco is not gender-specific. It is used by both boys and girls, and with equal vigor. Griffin estimates that as many as 10% of Wyoming teens are daily users of anal tobacco and that half of all teens in the state have tried using tobacco anally at least once.
Belle Fourche resident Cody Stevens, 13, says he began using anal tobacco after he noticed older, cooler kids doing it. "It looked like they were having a lot of fun, so I wanted to try. Now, I'm pretty hardcore addicted. I got a wad up there all day every day. Sometimes, the bleeding gets so bad I have to swipe one of mom's sanitary napkins and stuff it in my Fruit-of-the-Looms." Stevens went on to say that he doesn't see what's so sanitary about those napkins anyway.
Mayor Schneider says he plans on throwing a Town Hall Meeting for the problem, "just as soon as the brown ribbons arrive from the factory in China." All concerned Belle Fourche residents will be invited to attend. RSVPing, while not required, will be appreciated.
Like all Town Hall Meetings, says Schneider, this one will also be ineffectual and quickly forgotten, "but it will make people feel good, like they're actually doing something."
Reached for comment on the patio of his winter residence in Key West, Florida, South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds said he was intensely concerned about the new way of using tobacco and is "working around the clock" on a solution to "nip it in the bud".
"We will not sit idly by while the youths of South Dakota are anally assaulted by Big Tobacco," he said. Taking a sip from a virgin margarita, he then waved over a waiting lobbyist while a beautiful island girl applied sunscreen to his disturbingly white legs.
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