What's the worst statement you have made to officialdom? Part 2
A comedy conversation
by Lord Blackadder  313  1
11/07/2009 07:25 AM 314 views
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The demons had plenty of time to prepare their witty and sarcastic remarks to whatever questioning, waiting for their moment to shine. Their answers leaping into my brain, waiting for the opportunity to take control of mouth.
Interviewer: "Are you, or have you been, a member of the Communist Party?"
Brain: "Did you see me on the balcony of the Kremlin saluting the Soviet army?"
Me: "No."
More questions. Mr Interviewer scratching away with his pen to every response.
Interviewer: "Were you a member of the Nazi Party between 1933 and 1945?"
Brain: "Yes. I am the frozen corpse of Adolf himself, brought to life by my time travelling henchman.e
Me: (faltering) Ummm.....no?
I'm weakening. There are only so many questions you can take.
Interviewer: "Are you here to undertake espionage activities?
Brain: "You've got me. I'm here to lead a fifth column against the renegade Colonies, and return them to Good Queen Liz."
Me: "You've got me. I'm here to lead a fifth column against the renegade Colonies, and return them to Good Queen Liz."
Bugger.
Scratchy pen stops. The wifee(tm)s eyes boring holes into my head.
I feel all alone. Silence bounces off the walls of the room. Mr Interviewer breaks it, and gets the joke.
"Yes, I know there are a lot of pointless questions, but we need to ask them." Looks at me, pen poised. I turn to my wife and let out a nervous laugh. Her face speaks volumes. eoeWe like humor, but your Limey humour has no place right here, right now.e
"I understand." I squeak. "No."
The scratchy pen starts up once more. He rattled off a few more questions, which I seemed to have answered correctly. He congratulated me on becoming a Legal Resident of the USA (subject to terms & conditions. Congratulations of the interviewing officer does not necessarily represent the views of the Government of the USA), although my wife now thinks me to be an idiot.
So, fellow ZUGgers, whate(tm)s the worst statement you have made to officialdom?
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Clatto Verata Shempto 16,478  9
11/07/2009 08:00 AM
Yeah, one time back when I was pimpin' tires, an slappin' ho's. I was in court and it went down sumptin' like dis.
Right about now NWA court is in full effect.
Judge Dre presiding in the case of NWA versus the police department.
Prosecuting attourneys are MC Ren, Ice Cube, and Eazy muthaFrostin E.
Order order order. Ice Cube take the muthaFrostin stand.
Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth
and nothin but the truth so help your black ass?
Why don't you tell everybody what the Frost you gotta say?
Frost tha police
Comin straight from the underground
Young nigga got it bad cuz I'm brown
And not the other color so police think
They have the authority to kill a minority
Frost that Shakespeare, cuz I ain't tha one
For a punk muthaFrosta with a badge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell
Frostin with me cuz I'm a teenager
With a little bit of gold and a pager
Searchin my car, lookin for the product
Thinkin every nigga is sellin narcotics...
...I don't know if they fags or what
Search a nigga down and grabbin his nuts
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none
But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop
Ice Cube will swarm
On any muthaFrosta in a blue uniform
Just cuz I'm from the CPT, punk police are afraid of me
A young nigga on a warpath
And when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath
Of cops, dyin in LA
Yo Dre, I got somethin to say
Frost the police...
An' the beat goes on...
Word...
Up...
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 5,962 9
11/08/2009 12:16 AM
I've heard there is quite a bit of work to becoming a US citizen. Long way to go for a joke; funny though. Keep an eye out for tails(people following you).
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0 votes
0.0
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Reverend Davie gravy Rodriguez 2,330 0
11/09/2009 10:33 AM
I once asked the old LA County Sheriff(not a sheriff, THE Sheriff) in front of someone I knew to be in the press 'how much of the stuff he wanted?' and he could pick it up at the usual hotel or something like that.
That did not go over very well.
I was asked my name by others, I responded, "you really think I'm dumb enough to tell you my name" And got the Frost out of there.
The rumor persisted for a measley 2 weeks in a few papers.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Fartpuppy 5,034 6
11/09/2009 12:15 PM
Police: "This car yours?"
Me: "It is now."
I had just bought the car but hadn't changed the registration details over.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
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Whistler P. McManus 141,536 23
11/09/2009 12:34 PM
Police Officer: Mr. McManus, we can avoid all this trouble if you'd just buy two of these $100 tickets to the Policeman's Ball.
Me: You can't fool me with that bullShakespeare. Policemen don't have balls!
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0 votes
0.0
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Ghost of Chickens Past 238,110 14
11/09/2009 08:43 PM
"I do."
Still paying for that one.
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