Thud 53,114 10
11/10/2009 04:01 AM

Sounds like you're Shakespeare outta luck.

cakes and ale 2,137 4
11/10/2009 04:10 AM

Ask Randall, he might know.

TheFoye 53,734 10
11/10/2009 05:57 AM

You would have an easier time asking for help with an assisted suicide.

As it is we are all hoping that you wipe your ass with your power supply having it slip in by accident and get stuck and you writing on Zug your exploits at the emergency room.




Carry on.

The High Priestess 48,936 13
11/10/2009 06:03 AM

Do you have cleaning supplies under your sink? You can
A) drink them. All.
or
B) find a sponge and wipe up enough so you can do the wide-legged waddle downstairs. Use the rough side. It's more fun for us.

Piquantrax Pie and Football 907 4
11/10/2009 06:26 AM

There is an old adage used on playgrounds across the nation:
"If you are sitting on the john, and all the toilet paper's gone; be a man, use your hand."

Straw potato casserole 59,536 11
11/10/2009 06:34 AM

I'm sorry, I can't spare a square.

Straw potato casserole 59,536 11
11/10/2009 06:37 AM

Just kidding! I've sent you a roll, you just haven't seen it yet. Try looking more closely.

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
11/10/2009 06:55 AM

Come on guys, this isn't funny. My legs are asleep and I need to feed my dog.

Neophyte 9,610 7
11/10/2009 07:05 AM

...if you're still in the bathroom, you're a Frost-ing retard.

TheFoye 53,734 10
11/10/2009 07:05 AM

Make your dog lick your ass. Two birds one stone.

Thud 53,114 10
11/10/2009 07:19 AM

Use your hand and learn a valuable lesson for next time..

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
11/10/2009 07:37 AM

I've been calling to my dog for hours, but he refuses to come. I think he's laughing at me. I can hear him humping my My Pet Monster in the other room.

This is getting serious. I can't move my legs, and I can't use my hands because I have to hold the banister on the way downstairs (I had an accident before, if you'll see my previous thread).

I think I could use my webcam to post pictures of my balls if that will get you guys moving on helping me out.

Pudding Pops the Rhymnocerous 938 5
11/10/2009 07:37 AM

Why don't you let a president kiss YOUR ass for a change

Chit 163,894 10
11/10/2009 07:57 AM

I was always under the impression that if you had a Mac, you could wipe your ass with it.

I did a little research and indeed, every Mac user that I talked to assured me that they wouldn't use a PC to wipe their own ass.

So...there you have it.

Manhole 7,831 8
11/10/2009 08:23 AM

Why don't you let a president kiss YOUR ass for a change

Wow, President Obama toilet paper. Unless you make 3 zillion dollars a year, you might as well use $20 bills instead.





That doesn't make any sense. Where am I?

Pubah In Your Pudding 47,449 11
11/10/2009 08:38 AM

Stranded, Stranded
Stranded on the Bathroom bowl

What do you do when you're stranded
And you can't reach the roll...

hairy punkin pie gal 5,514 7
11/10/2009 10:07 AM

Why don't you just hop in the shower and hose yourself off. You could even use some soap, which wouldn't be a bad idea. I mean, that's what I always do that's what I would do if I were in your position.

Neophyte 9,610 7
11/10/2009 05:55 PM

Perhaps this will turn into ZUG's first live...death!

If you do survive, you're going to have to endure the three hours of paramedics jackhammering the dried Shakespearee-crusts off.

A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,281 10
11/10/2009 07:02 PM

GAB on ZUG, or Die on Live!

Whistler P. McManus 141,410 23
11/10/2009 08:26 PM

I have experience in this area, and my advice is this: unless you want more broken bones, stay put until someone comes home to help you.

Shell Belle 31,350 9
11/10/2009 10:06 PM

I'm too old for this Shakespeare.

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
11/10/2009 11:14 PM

Day 2 Trapped on the Toilet:

Although I have no feeling or function left in my legs, I have decided to stay put and hope that someone will find me rather than chance repeating Whistler's mistakes.

From my bathroom window I saw the mailman deliver several large packages this morning and rejoiced at the thought that some Livers care enough about me to send TP. I then realized that I have no way of getting to the mailbox, and that the packages were no doubt sent by you guys as yet another cruel joke.

A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/11/2009 12:01 AM

Just way 'til day three or four and crank up the old router.

Lobster With Gravy and Stuffing 9,793 9
11/11/2009 12:20 AM

Please Help Me


No thanks. I'm all out. Come back next Thursday, before 5pm, and we should have gotten a new shipment in. Thanks for visiting!

Pubah In Your Pudding 47,449 11
11/11/2009 09:06 AM

Wipe your ass with your underwear and get something to eat for Christ's Sake!

A trip to the wash machine will end any embarrassing skid marks...

...You're not Elvis, don't die on the Shakespeareter

aNeuWay 9 1
11/11/2009 09:16 AM

You could always stay there for a couple of years like this woman:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,337232,00.html

Bill the Squ--, Uhmm, Turkey 25,498 8
11/11/2009 09:16 AM

Or, you could get your happy ass up and go stand in the shower to wash your ass!

I'm just saying!












P.S. We all know you haven't been on the toilet for two days.

A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,281 10
11/11/2009 04:57 PM

...You're not Elvis, don't die on the Shakespeareter

Prove it.

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
11/12/2009 06:51 AM

Trapped on the toilet Day 3:

I awoke today to find my legs black and void of all sensation or response.

In a last ditch effort I tore apart the cabinet under the bathroom since hoping to find anything with which to clean myself. Tucked away at the back I found my savior: a copy of "Prank the Monkey".

Truthfully, it hurt less wiping my dry, encrusted ass with it than it did reading it. Zing!

Neophyte 9,610 7
11/12/2009 09:49 PM

...you made us wait three days for a "I don't like John's book" joke?!?

Frost you. Frost you very much.

Let us know how the fictional leg amputation goes.

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
11/13/2009 04:39 AM

You were actually waiting for something good? From me?

My dear I don't believe we've met.

A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/13/2009 04:50 AM

Let us know how the fictional leg amputation goes.

How do you cut off a fictional leg if it's not really there?

A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/13/2009 05:06 AM

I apologize for NOTHING!

A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,281 10
11/13/2009 05:36 PM

How do you cut off a fictional leg if it's not really there?

The same way you pray to a fictional God who also, isn't really there.

A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/13/2009 06:59 PM

How do you cut off a fictional leg if it's not really there?

The same way you pray to a fictional God who also, isn't really there.

I can understand getting down on your knees to do it, so you would be level with the said imaginary leg, but where do the instructions and guidance from a multiple offense pedophile come into play?

Neophyte 9,610 7
11/14/2009 01:10 AM

...I can't tell you but I can show you.