In my lifetime, I have made nearly 15,000 credit card transactions. I purchase almost everything on plastic. What bugs me about credit card transactions is the signing. Who checks the signature? Nobody checks the signature.

Credit card signatures are a useless mechanism designed to make you feel safe, like airport security checks. So my question was, how crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice? Here is the actual signature on my credit card:

You can see that I already have the signature of a monkey on crack. Here is the way it looks when I don't have to sign in a space one-quarter of an inch high:

I am an arteest, and my signature must reflect that. But how arteestic could I get before someone will notice?