I'm pretty sure I'm insane. A comedy article
by Millie 116,988 28 12/17/2009 09:31 PM 893 views
I've been trying to make some extra money this holiday season. I have set up a booth at my brother's store where they have an area for day tables.
I didn't know Suicide Ranger shopped there.
Last week was pretty slow since the food vendors were not open upstairs (where I was) yet. However, I did have some foot traffic because there is a seating area and restrooms.
Late in the afternoon, a woman came upstairs. She asked me if she was allowed to eat her food there and I said yes. She told me that she owned the condo on the fourth floor of the same building. She was kind of weird, but nice enough. She was very interested in my wares, especially my decorative boxes.
While she was looking at the boxes, my ex-husband stopped by to say hi. We chit-chatted for a while and the condo-lady perused the boxes.
My ex and I in happier times.
Another woman came in and started looking at my booth, too. She bought some Christmas cards from me and asked me a lot of questions about my work. Her manner was odd and a bit creepy. When she left she gave me her business card and said, "I'm sure I'll see you again" (accompanied by a cryptic look.) Her card said she was an art therapist.
Meanwhile, Condo Lady had chosen a box to purchase.
She said she had seen a smaller box that went with it, and asked where it was. I, too, thought there was a smaller, similar box. I remembered having a box the same shape with the same black paper inside that was smaller. I had a box pictured in my head and I didn't see it, and I knew I hadn't sold it. The only boxes I'd sold were to some MILFs earlier (my brother's determination, not mine). The condo lady wouldn't have seen them because they were already sold before she came in.
We looked everywhere for that little box. She said she had just seen it a minute ago. I was getting almost frantic. One of us, not sure which, brought up the possibility that someone had taken it. We both wondered, aloud, if the art therapist had stolen it. No one else could have. Even my ex was standing too far away from the table to have taken anything (not that he would.)
I sold her the bigger box and told her if the other one turned up, I'd let her know. But I was convinced that Art Lady had shoplifted. I just knew there was another box--where else could it have gone?
I obsessed about it until I got home that night. I have had people take things before, but that was at crowded shows. This was so blatant! How dare she?
When I got home, I went into my Etsy shop to delete the items I had sold. I looked for the stolen box. There was no box that matched the picture I had in my head. Maybe I had forgotten to list it? I went into my photo file. There was no box that went with the other box. There was no box, period. There was no theft.
There was a box that was lined with the paper. One of the ones the MILF and her little girl picked out earlier that day.
The only thing that would have made this better was if I had called up Art Lady and confronted her about stealing from me. Luckily, my insanity isn't that advanced yet.
I believe Art Lady, being a therapist, recognized my mental issues and decided that I am in dire need of therapy, so she gave me her card. I'm sure my ex-husband agrees, although he got a lot of amusement out of the whole incident.
That cryptic look she gave you was when she brainwashed both you and the condo lady. Her business card has subliminal messages for you to feel inadequate. Burn it - quick! Don't let her Frost with your mind any more!
I knew I hadn't sold it. The only boxes I'd sold were to some MILFs earlier
Funny, you sell boxes to MILFs, I buy boxes from MILFs. Perhaps I should just get my boxes directly from the source. How much do you charge per hour, Millie?
At least you get to sit inside. My friend and I tried to do an outdoor Winter Festival Art Show thingy last weekend and got completed rained out. It POURED! Blech!
Good to hear you're selling some stuff though!
(I thought the same thing as Thud about the Art Therapist stealing the files from your house.)
While I wouldn't disagree that art can be very therapeutic, there's just something about paying someone a lot of money to watch me fingerpaint that wouldn't sit well with me.
You're not insane, you just mis-read the card. The card read Art Is My Therapists solution to my cleptomaina.
You see, this woman was a terrible cleptomaniac. Shoes, cash, makeup, whatever. She grabbed it all. Her therapist has helped her restrict her mania to just one item, art. Likewise, due to the nature of it's size, most art is out of her ability. Her acting out has been drastically restricted.
You're promblem is displaying small, easily palmable art. Bigger boxes, problem solved. And you will be helping out the handicapped.
The fact that everyone is quick to be suspicious of the Art Therapy Lady is all part of Condo Lady's diabolical plan. Think about it, who was the one who brought up the fictitious second box? Condo Lady. My theory is that she has some sort of burning hatred of Art Therapy Lady and fumed when she encroached on her shopping territory. What better way to get her revenge than to trash this woman's reputation.*
*Not that it wasn't already smelly to begin with given the whole art therapy mumbo jumbo.
Dear Millie,
Those who question their sanity are surely not insane. If I were in the area, I'd surely buy something from you (if it's not too expensive).
Smile mon ami...no honest effort is wasted.
Looking for a warm place to sleep,
To think of sleeping with Millie is to dream the impossible dream. She's that perfect fruit. So succulent, glistening on my computer screen in the sun, yet so far away.
No, fair Millie is the Bridge too Far.
Straw, my ex was also suspicious of Condo Lady. Before I realized there was no box to be stolen, his theory was that SHE had taken the box, and then pretended to be looking for it to deflect suspicion from herself. I told him it didn't makes sense that she would then buy the more expensive box. However, not much was making sense with those two crazy ladies talking to me.
Pants, I see the family resemblance.
Pubah, I'd be flattered if I weren't kind of skeeved out.
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