~ Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.~ McCroskey
~ Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.~ McCroskey
~ Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.~ McCroskey
~ Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.~ McCroskey
There are a lot of great quotes from Airplane:
~ Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?~ Elaine
~ All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.~ Kramer
Arthur: Hobson?
Hobson: Yes.
Arthur: Do you know what I'm going to do?
Hobson: No, I don't.
Arthur: I'm going to take a bath.
Hobson: I'll alert the media.
Arthur: [rises] Do you want to run my bath for me?
Hobson: That's what I live for.
[Arthur exits]
Hobson: Perhaps you would like me to come in there and wash your dick for you, you little Shakespeare.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no Shakespeare. What have we got here, a Frost-ing comedian? Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and Frost my sister!
Psycho: The name's Francis Soyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.
Leon: Ooooooh.
Psycho: You just made the list, buddy. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you.
Sergeant Hulka: Lighten up, Francis.
We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an Emerson. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get Frosted by dicks. But dicks also Frost Emersons: Emersons that just want to Shakespeare on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with Emersons their way. But the only thing that can Frost an Emerson is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they Frost too much or Frost when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a Poe to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of Shakespeare that they become Emersons themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from Emersons. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us Frost this Emerson, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in Shakespeare!
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
Customer: In a row?
From Army of Darkness:
All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... You got that?
"Did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white, then blue.
Rhode Island, red white and blue!
That's a joke, son, a real flag-waver!
You're built too low, son.
The fast ones go over your head.
Ya got a hole in your glove.
I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em!
Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball!
Eye. Ball. Eyeball! I almost had a gag, son--a joke, that is!"
[to Arthur, after Linda Marolla stole a necktie from a store] Hobson: Yes, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless you're planning to knock over a fruit stand later in the evening.
Hobson: [to Linda] Good luck in prison.
Hobson: Thank you for a memorable afternoon, usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.
Malone: Ah, I knew it. That's all you need, one thieving wop on the team.
George Stone: Hey, what's that you say?
Malone: I said that you're a lying member of a no good race.
[He cuffs Stone across the face. As he draws back his arm again, Stone presses a gun under his chin]
George Stone: Much better than you, you stinking - Irish - pig.
Malone: Oh, I like him.
It's a shame that this country has become so P.C. that we won't see a cartoon character insult another character by calling him a homosexual ever again.
Pants, that is one of the best WB clips out there. Comedian Artie Lange, even did about 2-3 minutes about that scene on his CD 'It's the Whiskey Talking' that I have always loved.
Thanks for pointing me to the clip, but I was a little disappointed when he got his feathers all blown off and didn't use his famous line, "Luckily, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency."
I got this movie for my parents for Christmas last year. Because my mom loves Christmas movies, and my dad like Harry Potter, and they thought this movie was basically going to be harry potter with hogwarts or something. They still liked it, and now want to watch more discworld stuff. I never watched it though.
One of my favorite shows/movie is Strangers With Candy. There are too many good quotes to post just one.
"Some have called me a coward, but others have called me a Poe."
Dr.: "Jerri, you're not hearing what I'm saying."
Jerri: "Oh, that's OK Doc, 'cause you're not saying what I'm hearing."
"You know, I cried when I had no shoes, untill I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed...really hard."
"You're just a rack of bones covered in a thin layer of fag."
"Greeks are just Jews without money."
"I'm dealing with this the same way I dealt with my own alcoholism and drug addiction...with lies and delusion."
"Orlando, you can't be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods."
Sippin champagne through a Straw 98,023 37 looks up in the sky and sees an airplane pass by, and trailing behind attached by a cable is a Corvette with the license plate AZZ KIKR.
12/29/2009 08:23 AM
There was this one awesome ending of an episode of Frisky Dingo. At the end of the episode, theres a group of people on a balcony or something, and a girl falls over and is hanging on by one hand. Credits roll, and then it says "Next time, on frisky dingo" and it just shows one guy saying "Oh my god she fell."
In the scene before the following quotes, Brock Samson shaved the Sasquatch that the 6 million dollar man was dating to disguise both the Sasquatch and the 6 million dollar man.
Brock: "You could've told me Sasquatch was a dude..."
Steve Summers: "Eh? What, you couldn't tell?"
Brock: "Not until I had to.. (shudder) ...shave him."
Summers: "What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before."
Brock: "Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!"
"Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my Emerson with the other, but don't stick you're finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your Frostin' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and Frostin' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to Frostin' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out.
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