Ravos the red nosed reindeer 62,361 20
12/29/2009 05:30 AM

Well, that didn't work as well as planned, however it said "-215 minute ago"

Yes minute. Yes singular.

Alarm Clock the chubby Snow-bot 6,338 4
12/29/2009 05:46 AM

So, I guess Manhole is getting closer to finishing construction on his Secret Santa gift.

God help us all.

dasypygal 12,075 15
12/29/2009 05:49 AM

"Posts from the future"


And Dasypygal has been rated the most funny 12 months in row! She gets a golden t-shirt!

(then the world implodes)

Space Admiral BobJohnson 177,873 22
12/29/2009 07:14 AM

"Posts? Where we're going, we don't need posts."

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
12/29/2009 08:52 AM

This is somehow related to the fact that if you put instant coffee in a microwave, you go back in time.

zahamula 4 3
12/29/2009 09:28 AM

Well, it did not work for me.

Rated X-Mas Jeeni 43,386 49
12/29/2009 03:07 PM

Hm. I thought it was non-dairy powdered creamer. No wonder I haven't traveled through time & my head looks like a lab rat. Damn it.

Shemp the halls, Douchebag. 22,212 16
12/29/2009 07:28 PM

This is somehow related to the fact that if you put instant coffee in a microwave, you go back in time.



Also, if you mix one part Coke with 1 part Pepsi, you will open a rift in the space time continuum.

Then everyting will be reversed. Up will be down, black will be white(good news for Brother's trying to get credit), good will be bad, cat's will chase dog's, Christian Bale will be a good actor, when you pass GO, instead of collecting $200, you will have to pay $200, no will mean yes(well that'll be the same), round will be square, the hobgoblins that live in my head will instead live in my colon, true will be false, PCs will become Mac's, Catholics will become Protestant....bizarro, BIZARRO, BIZARRRO!


I guess what I'm trying to say is that, everything will be opposite.

Manhole 20,243 26
12/31/2009 09:23 AM

So, how does one post negative minutes ago?

Well it is theoretically possible I suppose...

A Brief History of Time Travel.

by Manhole.

Our story begins a little over a hundred years ago in Bern, Switzerland, where a young man employed as a patent clerk was off to work. He took the electric trolly in each day, and each day he would pass a very unambiguous clock tower. But today was different, it was special. For today he would pose to himself a question - a question whose answer would set forth a fascinating dilemma.

He knew that he was able to see the clock tower because light from the sun bounced off it into his eyes. He also knew that light had a very fast, but finite velocity. The question he posed was this:

How would the clock appear to tick if my trolly suddenly increased to the speed of light?

There was no way for him to realize that it would take him three years to answer this. No way for him to know that the answer to this simple question would make his very name synonyms with "genius" well into the twenty first century. It was impossible to know that the answer he would give would also give mankind the ability to destroy itself.

It will never cease to amaze me how something so complex can develop from something seeming so simple. Einstein realized that if his trolly accelerated to the same speed as the light bouncing off the clock, it would appear to stop ticking. But he also realized that the high velocity of his trolly would not affect his wrist watch. It would tick on normally. It was believed at the time that "time" was fixed, as recorded by Isaac Newton. Now it might have took Einstein a few years to develop the answer to this question he posed to himself aboard the electric trolly, but it most certainly took him no longer than a few days to realize that Mr. Newton...


must have been wrong.

Manhole 20,243 26
12/31/2009 09:23 AM

No one will ever know how long it took Einstein to realize that the speed of light must be constant for all observers. But if the light leaving the clock tower would always reach him at the same time, regardless of his velocity, what gives? Something has to change, right?

If Velocity is equal to Distance divided by Time(V=D/T), and the velocity of light never changes, then either distance or Time itself must change.

And it is in this that makes Time Travel possible.

Consider the picture below.




This is a light clock. A pulse of light bounces between the two mirrors, and we can measure time by the equation

T=2L/c

where T = time, L is the distance between the mirrors, and c is a constant - the speed of light.

This simple clock will measure time. But lets see what happens when we set the clock in motion, a similar scenario to how Einstein saw the clock tower.





Now we see the light pulse traveling at angels. Now this is where it gets fun! We know how to measure the "ticks" of a stationary light clock, but how do measure time for the clock in motion?

It's time to break out the ole high school geometry book! Yaaaaaaa! Now our friend Pythagoras and his good buddy Mr. Right Triangle should be knocking on your scull right about now.

Let "a" be the distance the clock has traveled. "o" is the same thing as "L" in the stationary clock. And "h" is the path that the light pulse takes. Now it should be clear that this path is longer than the path in the stationary clock, and therefor the clock in motion will tick slower. But how much slower?

Pythagorean says that a^2 + o^2 = h^2. But what we want to know is the time the clock gives us, so we have to substitute in some variables.

It's too difficult to type math and I can't find any good examples on the interwebs, so I just hand wrote the solution.

Manhole 20,243 26
12/31/2009 09:24 AM

According to this equation, as velocity increase, the rate of time or "t" will slow down. Therefore moving clocks run slower. Now an important thing to notice here is what happens when "v" or your velocity approaches "c", the speed of light.

If "v" becomes equal to "c", then 1-1 =0 and the square root of zero is zero. You now have a 0 in the denominator and that makes the equation impossible.

If "v" becomes larger that "c", then 1 - a number greater that 1 will give a negative result. And you can not take the square root of a negative number and once again the equation becomes impossible.

So we can say that "v" can never be equal to or greater than "c", or to put it simply, nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.

Now once Einstein realized this, he saw a gigantic whole in Newtons Laws of Gravity. Newton was able to explain gravity and it's effects on matter. But he never really could explain just what gravity was. So Einstein posed a question that would once again turn physics on its head.

"If the sun were to suddenly disappear, what would happen to the orbits of the planets?"

According to Newton, they would instantly begin to move in strait lines tangent to their orbits. But as we have just proven, nothing can travel faster than light, even gravity.

The Earth lies some 93 million miles from the sun, it takes light about 8 minutes to get here. So if the sun disappeared, the earth could not feel the effects for at least 8 minutes.

The answer to this question, originally brought upon by a clock tower in Bern, would re-wright the Laws of Gravity and give us one of the most startling revelations in all of human history.

E=mc2

Manhole 20,243 26
12/31/2009 09:24 AM

PS For someone to post 220 minutes in the future, they would need to get in their car and travel at a rate of 142,350 miles a second for about 400 minutes. When they stopped, they would have found about 620 minutes had passed, thus travelling 220 minutes into the future.

To check, use 186282mps for "c" / 142350mps for "v" / 400 min. for "T" and solve for "t"


Or Analog could forget a comma.

Barefoot Chance 171,220 14
12/31/2009 10:47 AM

My brain just imploded.

Ravos the red nosed reindeer 62,361 20
12/31/2009 01:25 PM

You have too much time on your hands, manhole. Which leads me to believe you have a time machine already.

Shellabration in 1024x768 76,640 24
12/31/2009 05:16 PM

Dear Shell,

Please do not eat that whole pan of brownies. I know it's just sitting there, tempting you, but it will only give you a stomach ache and a fat ass.

Love, Future Shell

Manhole 20,243 26
01/04/2010 05:52 AM

Which leads me to believe you have a time machine already

Yes, I routinely use it to travel into the future and watch Fox News. After Bill O'Reilly dies, it's bought out by Comedy Central.

KChikita Banana 124,281 89
01/04/2010 05:55 AM

No wonder Straw loves you.

dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
01/04/2010 06:13 AM

the answer to this simple question would make his very name synonyms with "genius"

Yeah, well with all this crazy math Shakespeare I'd like to point out that,

I believe you meant synonymous NOT synonyms...both of which mean the same.

subhuman 576 4
01/04/2010 06:24 AM

Okay, first with the physics and now with the vocabulary lesson. Who's going to teach social studies now?

I got dibs on sex ed...

The Write Straw 95,470 36
01/04/2010 06:30 AM

I will make fun of people for their spelling if:

1. They are doing it a lot and don't seem to care and are already acting like an idiot in other ways.

2. The misspelled word has created unintentional hilarity.

3. If there is other potential for comedy - such the running joke about Pumpkin Noggin always misspelling words.

But to sift through a large amount of text and zero in on one word that was misspelled, then point it out without even a token attempt at humor...well, that's just sad.

Sadder than Skippy, who might do the same thing you did but with such pomposity that it was still funny.

dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
01/04/2010 06:43 AM

Straw!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought for sure you'd get the ironicism of "both of which mean the same."

dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
01/04/2010 06:44 AM

tomatoe, tomatah

John Hargrave 128,123 71
01/04/2010 07:12 AM

Manhole has just created the first great post(s) of 2010.

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,338 4
01/04/2010 09:02 AM

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, everything will be opposite.

Even that. When it happens, even the way you could say (or couldn't say for that matter {or couldn't hear?}) everything is opposite would be opposite. So everything wouldn't be opposite.

Maybe it's going on already?

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,338 4
01/04/2010 09:04 AM

As for time travel, definitely possible. I'm doing it right now. I just travelled 30 minutes into the future, about 30 minutes ago. It was 12:25 and is now 12:55.

The Write Straw 95,470 36
01/04/2010 09:25 AM

More practical than a future post is a post into the past so maybe you won't post something bitchy that you feel bad for later. Kind of like...I dunno...an edit button.

I've always thought that maybe we don't get an edit button because if we can do that then people would have given clickies to a post that, for all intents and purposes, no longer exists. There's another site that also has the ability to give points for a post. On that site the edit function does exist, but only temporarily.

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,338 4
01/04/2010 10:41 AM

Manhole has just created the first great post(s) of 2010.

Manhole's post was indeed great. Quite great.




... but this my friends, is a grater post.

GenericGuy 284 7
01/04/2010 01:06 PM

It's the Delorean. Simple.

Although I have no clue who would buy one of those crappy cars. I guess the flux capacitor makes it all worth it.

Underwhelmed by 2010 99,723 76
01/04/2010 01:44 PM

Manhole, I just creamed myself. Thank you.

Underwhelmed by 2010 99,723 76
01/04/2010 01:48 PM

And sorry Straw, but he also didn't spell the word skull right. But that's okay, because I don't really care right now. Maybe later I will, but right now, I'm enjoying the afterglow.

dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
01/05/2010 03:39 AM

He also didn't write re-write right. He wrote "re-wright".

However, if we look forward and remind ourselves to look back at this post into the future, we may find that the dizzying intellect of Manhole has resulted in a new word.

The United States Constitution was built upon the principal that, what may have been written as right may not be right in the future, all citizens shall maintain the right to write and make the initial right more right. As did Einstein to Newton's theory (writing)of time.

Therefore, I wish to recognize the newly invented word of:

wright [riyt]
v
1. To amend, correct, or improve a document, theorem, or informal work that is written.


So as we put the pen to paper and finger to key, let us forge ahead into the future and not be afraid to wright!

(we could spread this Shakespeare like herpes on St. Paddy's Day in Boston when the bahShakespeare closing time. It could, possibly, be 2010's new word of the year! It sure as Shakespeare is better and has more intellectual applications than 'unfriend')

dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
01/05/2010 03:41 AM

write Straw?

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,338 4
01/05/2010 04:35 AM

also didn't spell the word skull right.

Mr. Right Triangle should be knocking on your scull right about now.

Yes he did, he was only wrong because it's a wave hitting my scull and not a right triangle.

peoriagrace 6,153 11
01/06/2010 10:17 PM

Manhole, I didn't read your whole post; but I just wanted to say you have very nice handwriting.