KChikita Banana 128,446 98
12/30/2009 09:19 AM

I gave you 3 Zugz for your first line. The rest was pretty good.

The Mailman 176,467 56
12/30/2009 09:33 AM

There wasn't too much of a point or a punchline to your story, but it is likely to draw some "I'd hit it" comments, which around here is good enough.

Ravos the red nosed reindeer 63,472 21
12/30/2009 09:38 AM

but it is likely to draw some "I'd hit it" comments, which around here is good enough $20, same as in town.

Madness 4,366 10
12/30/2009 09:42 AM

Well for those who couldn't guess by reading my Write Like Maddox article and thpse who never read it, I work at an electronics store, which has provided me with many a story about terrible customers.

In fact, just yesterday, the following exchange took place:

Woman: "Hello, do you have a Hidmee cable?"
Me: "A...wait, what?"
Woman: "Hidmee."
Me: "Uhh...I've never heard of anything like that."
Woman: "You new?"
Me: "Nope, been here 3 years."
Woman: "And you've never heard of Hidmee? You know H. D. M. I."
Me: "Oh, you mean HDMI? Yeah, it's not actually called Hidmee and yes we have them. We also have a sale on Uhsb keyboards if you need one"

She didn't find my clever little elbow jab very funny.

I also have at least one customer call every 2 months asking me why their cell phone stopped working after they put it in the sink and washed it. One of them screamed at me "WE CAN PUT PEOPLE ON THE STUPID MOON BUT WE CAN'T INVENT A PHONE YOU CAN WASH?!"

Shemp the halls, Douchebag. 22,222 17
12/30/2009 09:50 AM

This is my first post on Zug. I am a n00b. Please let me know how I did.



Well so far several long time Gabbers have posted here, and no one has ripped you a new one.

So that means either they like you, or the new "be nicer to nOObs" rule is working.

Either way, I like your first line. I like the way you describe the lady. There just is'nt quite enough funny.

I'll give you plus 5 Zugs for effort. Minus 4 Zugs for being a nOOb.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/30/2009 09:52 AM

My kids like Sheetz. They can say it and sound like they're swearing, but they can't get in trouble for it. Whenever we pass one, I am treated to five minutes of "Ohhh, Sheetz!" from the backseat.


Welcome. And stuff.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
12/30/2009 09:52 AM

I'm not sure how likely I am to draw 'I'd hit it' comments, even on Zug. I chose this icon because it is the one I look like the most.

Shemp the halls, Douchebag. 22,222 17
12/30/2009 09:54 AM

Hidmee, Hidmee?


No, Hidyou mother-Froster.

Shemp the halls, Douchebag. 22,222 17
12/30/2009 09:56 AM

Sheetz?


Better then WaWa's.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
12/30/2009 10:00 AM

Welcome. And stuff sheetz.

Thanks!

Barney S. Claus 2,612 19
12/30/2009 10:02 AM

Or Cum and Go

Sippin champagne through a Straw 98,023 37
12/30/2009 10:14 AM

I too liked the first line, and I also liked your use of "shambled" in a sentence.

The story reminded me vaguely of an incident last week where my daughter and I were behind some woman in line at the store. The woman had a throaty voice and she was rambling on about something. Kat turned to me and asked me what was wrong with her voice and why did she sound like a man?

I like Sheetz and WA WAs. Don't make me choose!

Cruz. Limited Est. 1985 9,993 12
12/30/2009 10:16 AM

So that means either they like you, or the new "be nicer to nOObs" rule is working.

Nicer to n00bs ? I'm plenty nice to those donkey-raping Shakespeare-eaters.

The Mailman 176,467 56
12/30/2009 10:17 AM

I'm not sure how likely I am to draw 'I'd hit it' comments, even on Zug.

I did not mean for you, I meant for the sexy vixen in your story.
Then again, have you met the beautiful Trixxie?

Ravos the red nosed reindeer 63,472 21
12/30/2009 10:43 AM

One of them screamed at me "WE CAN PUT PEOPLE ON THE STUPID MOON BUT WE CAN'T INVENT A PHONE YOU CAN WASH?!"

Well, the man has a point you know.

Alarm Clock the chubby Snow-bot 6,348 4
12/30/2009 11:28 AM

This is my first post on Zug. I am a n00b. Please let me know how I did.

I enjoyed it, and besides, some of the stupidest damn thread ideas get carried on for months. It's always nice to get some new perspectives with different styles and idiosyncrasies. Plus it's sort of a dual path post (or more when the tangents start) where we can answer the main idea of your post or criticize the crap out of you because you asked for it.

I gave you four clickies because I'm at work and the mouse ball is dirty and I can't aim it correctly when I rush.

Mouse: If you dragged your balls a sixteenth of an inch from the ground all day, yours would be pretty dirty too.

I would suggest not being so blatantly racist in your future posts though. It's a little offensive.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
12/30/2009 01:23 PM

Thanks for the comments and clickies, Clock. Sorry if I came across as racist. Wasn't try to be racist though, just maybe classist. The Marlboro/Newport thing wasn't meant to be a White/Black thing, more like a Redneck/low class urban thing, based on my experiences selling cigarettes at Sheetz. The apparently Trixxie-esque creature mentioned in the story was a Marlboro type, in case you were wondering. We have both types in abundance in and around Harrisburg, and the low class urban types are definitely not restricted to black folks.

Thud 68,517 19
12/30/2009 03:17 PM

Welcome to Live.

Alarm Clock the chubby Snow-bot 6,348 4
12/30/2009 06:17 PM

Ho,
Lee,
Crap!

Did ya'll just see that crazy Shakespeare?!?!

I totally just accused somebody of being racist, just talking out my ass, and they found meaning in it and apologized! I think I peed a little.

I like the cut of yer jib Zuke. I didn't even know how you could have been remotely racist with that, until you pointed it out. Thanks for the tip. For future reference, I'm one of the ones on the do not call list many that you'll never offend.

Again, classy article.

Alarm Clock the chubby Snow-bot 6,348 4 kicks back and enjoys a nice flavorful Pall Mall.
12/30/2009 06:21 PM

Thank God I'm not a Newport guy.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
12/30/2009 06:41 PM

They are all stupid and nasty.

After 14 years, all of my customers just sort of blend into one giant used condom screaming what it wants at me.

Thud 68,517 19
12/30/2009 06:44 PM

After 14 years, all of my customers just sort of blend into one giant used condom screaming what it wants at me.

Pram, you really should animate that idea. It might end up NSFW, but who cares about that?

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
12/30/2009 06:47 PM

When is a used condom SAFE for work?

Thud 68,517 19
12/30/2009 06:55 PM

When you work where Taco used to?

Midgets 96,151 48
12/30/2009 06:55 PM

When you're a prostitute.

Or Frost-ing the bosses wife.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
12/30/2009 07:33 PM

I totally didn't get the Marlboro/Newport reference. Everyone I know who still smokes is smoking generic or discount brands.


But I digress: I love Sheetz! I travel by car for work. A lot. Sheetz always has clean bathrooms and delicious cinnamon rolls. I've been to Sheetz in Harrisburg and in Mechanicsburg.

Have you ever gone to the Civil War museum in Harrisburg? It's awesome.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
12/30/2009 07:36 PM

One other thing, Zuke. Don't pay any attention to Alarm Clock. No one esle here does, except for Lobster, and she has cooties up the vajayjay and her parents didn't give her enough attention when she was a child.

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,348 4 wipes the sticky off Whistler's chin for him.
12/30/2009 07:54 PM

Sorry I told you I'd say when it was almost, Whistler, but you knew I was lying.

I agree. Don't pay attention to me, but for different reasons. The old man is just jealous because he sweats my balls. Don't worry though, I don't belong to him.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
12/30/2009 07:55 PM

When you work where Taco used to?

Taco is Frost-ing beautiful and intelligent (which is kind of weird of me to say, given that I used to pick on her when I first got here)

And if you mean to disparrage her with that comment, I will cast a spell that will give you an erection for a month!

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,348 4
12/30/2009 07:55 PM

Damnit. Uhm... my bad. That sounded askew from my intention. That was NOT an offer.

Thud 68,517 19
12/30/2009 08:01 PM

Dude, do you remember where Taco worked?

If you do: enough said.

If you do not: search sucks, so too bad for you.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
12/31/2009 12:20 AM

noo...

Alarm Clock*12:00*12:00*12:00*12:01 6,348 4
12/31/2009 12:53 AM

I don't know why everyone says search sucks so much, but then again, I never really use it unless I'm looking for something I've never seen before and therefor wouldn't know what it was that I wasn't finding.

Anyways, it's a thread titled Flour!

They even talk about your dick or something about you being one in it Pram.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
12/31/2009 02:21 AM

Ooooh! No wonder she isn't revulsed by me.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
12/31/2009 05:43 AM

RE: Clock

Your advice is noted and logged. I am glad my jib pleases you. It is pretty damn nice, if I do say so myself.

RE: Whistler

I have, in fact, not been to the Civil War Museum, yet. It is like 5 minutes from where I live so I really don't have an excuse. I have been to the State Museum several times, and they have some Civil War stuff, but not too much. Still pretty cool though. I have been to Gettysburg, which is only about a 40 minutes or so away. I went on Memorial day, and it was quite the experience.

Your advice is noted and logged.

Seems the general consensus is that I might not be all that hilarious, but by God, at least I can spell. Not a bad start. My problem is, my life only ever gets at best semi-interesting. I'll have to see what I can come up with without embellishing the truth too much.

Ravos the red nosed reindeer 63,472 21
12/31/2009 06:13 AM

Having good spelling makes you not hated, which is a better start than being mildly amusing, but with terrible spelling.

Mediocrity can be funny, if you can phrase it in a funny way. It isn't always what you say, but how you say it.

KChiki - Resolving to be 1440 x 900 128,446 98
12/31/2009 06:35 AM

Ravos is right. Autra's schtick was that he was the most boring person on GAB and it was funny most of the time.

Disco Bob 4,322 8
12/31/2009 06:39 AM

Also don't worry about a little embellishment. If everyone here spoke only the truth there would be a lot of stalking and hooker killing going on.



Ok, which one of you is staring at me from behind those bushes?