Civic Pride! with George B. Zip
A comedy article
by George B. Zip  143  5
01/08/2010 05:16 AM 2487 views
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From: George B. Zip
To: info@seattlegym.com
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 18:03:12
Subject: Why Weight?
Dear Gym,
Yesterday I was wandering the street and I saw your sign that says "First Month Free. Why Weight?" I noticed that you had a typo on this sign. You are misusing the word "weight" in this sentence. It's possible you are losing business because intelligent people will see this sign and not want to sign up.
Just thought I should let you know!
George B. Zip
From: James
To: George B. Zip
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 22:11:04
Subject: RE: Why Weight?
Thank you for email. Actually, we purposely used the word "weight." We wanted to use a play on words to draw attention to the sign, which evidently worked. We want people to ask themselves: "Why weight?" Join the Club and lose unwanted weight!
Are you a member?
James
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From: James
To: George B. Zip
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 22:22:42
Subject: FW: RE: Why Weight?
I thought about your last comment and I agree with you that it's important for any business to express themselves properly. However, I really don't think intelligent people interested in a gym membership would decide not to join the Olympic Athletic Club because of a misspelled word . . . . But, you never know.
From: George B. Zip
To: James
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 11:01:36
Subject: RE: FW: RE: Why Weight?
Hello James,
Thanks for your prompt replies on this matter. Sorry I didn't respond earlier but I had to spend Saturday stuck with a group of misfits. We didn't have anything in common but each other.
It's hard to say since most intelligent people spend their free time reading and enjoying themselves instead of working out. I don't think I've ever personally seen an intelligent person in good shape. Usually they are doughy and pale. Maybe it doesn't have to be that way?
No, I'm not currently a member of your gym, but I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a member of a gymnasium community.
I'm concerned about your response. I took English class in high school and I'm still pretty sure you are misusing the word "weight." "Why weight?" is a question that has no answer. I ask my friend Steve, "Why weight?" over ICQ today and he got really mad and hasn't responded to any of his emails on Prodigy.
That sign has been up for a long time and has driven away many potential customers. Here are some ideas for a new sign I just came up with:
"Why go to Taco Bell when you can come in a gym?"
"Do you want diabetes with that? You are fat." (this one rhymes, kind of. It is a motivation sign.)
"Why are you eating pizzas when you could be in here working out on complicated machines next to attractive women?"
"Lose some wait with us!"
Do you have a pool?
-George B. Zip
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From: George B. Zip
To: James
Date: Sat, 25 Dec 20:45:03
Subject: FW: RE: FW: RE: Why Weight?
Hi James!
I hope you had a happy Christmas. I was by your gym yesterday and I noticed the sign hadn't changed. Have you been working on this? Is there someone else with higher authority when it comes to the sign that I should be in contact with?
Best,
-George B. Zip
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From: George B. Zip
To: James
Date: Tue, 4 Jan 09:23:31
Subject: FW: FW: RE: FW: RE: Why Weight?
Happy New Year!
I was speed walking past your gym the other day and I noticed the sign hasn't changed. I am not insisting you use any of my ideas, because in retrospect they were not well thought out. Ugh. What was I thinking?
It does seem important, however, that the sign changes immediately. It is a nonsense sign and it's lowering the value of my apartment. I don't like baby talk on my signs and I think it sends a poor message that fitness and smartiness are mutually inconclusive.
Also, I have still not heard back on whether or not you have a pool.
Thanks for your prompt attention on this matter,
G.Z.
From: James
To: George B. Zip
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 12:54:33
Subject: RE: FW: RE: FW: RE: Why Weight?
Yes. We have a pool. I recommend speed walking into our lobby and into my office. I'll give you a tour.
James
p.s. The sign will be changing February 1.
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SUCCESS!
George B. Zip is a Seattle-based e-mail activist, and champion of human rights. His personal blog is available to read by invitation only.
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Funny
12 votes
3.6
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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John Hargrave 128,123  71
01/08/2010 05:17 AM
Funny stuff. You had me at "I had to spend Saturday stuck with a group of misfits. We didn't have anything in common but each other."
You'll fit in quite well with us, I think.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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A new decade of Ravos 62,361 20
01/08/2010 05:33 AM
When a problem comes along, you must zip it. Zip it good!
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0 votes
0.0
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A new decade of Ravos 62,361 20
01/08/2010 05:38 AM
Get it? 'Cause your name is zip.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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The High Priestess 58,196 29
01/08/2010 04:26 PM
George Zip said that?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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The High Priestess 58,196 29
01/08/2010 04:37 PM
My last post may have been to obscure, I was quoting Airplane.
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