It's happened to the best of us: you go out, have yourself a good time, only to wake up the next day in your bed, on the floor, or at your desk with a pounding headache. You can't even make it to the faucet for a glass of water to wash down some aspirin because even the thought of moving makes you want to vomit. Your mouth is dry, your eyes are bloodshot, and as you stumble to the bathroom to try and forcibly eject whatever it is making you feel this way you realize, "Damn, I'm hungover."
No longer, dear reader. ZUG's Crappy Consumer Reports is here to test the Best Hangover Remedies!
As excited as I was to spend a solid week getting blind drunk to test each remedy, my wife instructed me that, first, drinking alone is shameful, and second, she's really not interested in being a widow at 30. So I decided to enlist some guinea pigs assistants. I turned to my very own improv team, Ghost Baby Abortion, for help.
I had my test subjects:
Ric
Lindsey
Lindsey's husband Doug, who could not be convinced that having his picture taken in an article about hangovers wouldn't damage his job prospects. So he'll be represented by Peyton Manning.
Our next task was to choose our hangover remedies. After poring over the list of ZUG user submissions, we assigned ourselves the following remedies:
1. "Chaser Plus," as suggested by ZUG reader KChiki;
2. "Hair of the Dog," as suggested by pretty much everyone;
3. "Big Greasy Breakfast," suggested by every time I've ever been hungover in my life; and
4. "Alka-Seltzer Wake-Up Call," since it was right next to the Chaser Plus at Walgreen's.
Lindsey claimed breakfast, and Ric leaped on the chance to try drinking in the morning. I mean, with a reason this time. Doug opted for the Alka-Seltzer, and I was left with Chaser Plus.
Our first task: to ensure we'd have a hangover.
Please continue to Part 2: The Drinking Begins!
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