Crappy Consumer Reports: Best Hangover Remedies, Part 2
A comedy article
by Randall Cleveland  49,000  13
01/19/2010 12:59 PM 1855 views
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We had chosen our hangover cures [Read Part 1 here], but now we had to rack up some hangovers. For science.
Luckily, Ric just happens to hold a day job at a prestigious local brewery despite numerous cries for help with battling his alcoholism, so we were set with all the Winter ESB we could ever stomach, and a growler full of Blackberry Cider.
Ric sets the control group.
As the only one with a preventative cure, I slammed my Chaser Plus with my first drink. Chaser Plus is homeopathic, which is another word for "bullShakespeare," so I was doubting my chances of success already. I had to take two pills with my first drink, then another two pills every two hours I was drinking. The box suggested I take them with water, but Frost that. Either your magic little pills work or they don't; don't try to let water take the credit. Why not just say, "Take these with water and ibuprofen. Also, don't drink." I downed mine with beer, but I did set timers to make sure I hit regular two hour intervals.
Freedom From Hangovers. Also, Freedom From Science.
We immediately set out to achieve maximum drunkenness, but Lindsey and Doug's recent acquisition of a downstairs neighbor made this a trickier prospect than normal. Apparently if you're not the one playing it, Guitar Hero at 2 am is not so much fun. So we had to make do with little more than a deck of cards. I immediately suggested Golf, a drinking game that at first glance seems low-impact, until you invoke the "drink your score" rule I do so love, and people start getting completely Shakespearety.
The only problem was either I was already drunk or everyone at the table was retarded. Several lengthy sessions were spent trying to convince people that yes, these are the actual rules.
Doug had an especially hard time.
In between extremely animated discussions about whether or not the cat could see ghosts and whether or not anyone had a story about or involving a frog (ask your friends: I bet no one does), we somehow managed to prepare ourselves for the coming day. It was time to black out sleep, and await the next day's hangovers.
Please continue to Part 3: Best Hangover Remedy!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.7
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Ravos iz in ur dreemz 62,361  20
01/19/2010 01:33 PM
I have a story about a frog. Just to shatter your theory.
When I was a kid, we had a cottage on a lake. I used to play in the water with these old metal toys dumptruck & cement mixer I had. One time, I caught some frogs and put them in the cement mixer, and started spinning them, and they were unable to escape because of the way the inside was designed. My parents weren't thrilled when I told them I thought this was how cement was made.
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0 votes
0.0
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helloooo nurse 376 8
01/19/2010 01:59 PM
My boyfriend took me hunting when I was 16. Who in the hell ever thought it would be a good idea to bring along a 16 year old girl with an affinity for cute little baby frogs? Any whooo....one of the guys sees said frog on the ground and aims his rifle right at it. I decide I am going to save the sweet little green guy and jump over to push the gun away.....No I didn't get shot, but I would have deserved it. Maybe I should post this over on the thread about stupid things we did as a kid........
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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peoriagrace 6,153 11
01/19/2010 05:28 PM
My family used to try and get me to eat frog's legs; they'd tell me it taste just like chicken! I never took the bate.
I did like to catch frogs though; never gave any to my family.
yes I did have warts on my hands for a time.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Johnny Plankton 3,948 26
01/20/2010 09:54 AM
I have many frog stories. They're just not the kind you share, as I had many psychotic bullies in my neighborhood. One day when I was a lad of 10, one of the local hoods pulled up (on his bike) with the biggest bullfrog ever. Which I thought was cool, right up until he put a lit cherry bomb down his throat, and decorated the neighborhood with him. We also had a psycho kid that performed unsuccessful heart transplants between frogs and fish. I have to cry now.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Ravos iz in ur dreemz 62,361 20
01/20/2010 10:03 AM
My family used to try and get me to eat frog's legs; they'd tell me it taste just like chicken! I never took the bate.
They do taste like chicken. But they really aren't worth it, there is barely any meat on them. Besides, if they taste like chicken, why not just, you know, eat chicken?
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