Cinderblock 27,578 25
01/22/2010 10:48 AM

My guess is he was either shot by a 12-year-old redneck with a BB gun or he jumped onto one of those electric bug zappers.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/22/2010 10:54 AM

He's in the hospital having his uterus removed.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
01/22/2010 10:59 AM

He was hunted down and killed by his blind wife. Ironically he never saw it coming.

KChikita Banana 128,446 98
01/22/2010 11:07 AM

His reanimated corpse is now serving in BobJohnson's secret military.

cakes and ale 2,404 6
01/22/2010 11:10 AM

He has Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and hates the holidays. He'll be back after Valentine's Day.

The Mailman 176,467 56
01/22/2010 11:27 AM

Any ideas as to what happened to him?

Here is my theory:
He is currently posting under an alternate account with the tagline "I are Nipples." He recently started a thread titled "what happened to Bill?" in a misguided attempt to see if the ZUG community actually missed him.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/22/2010 12:52 PM

He actually recently posted a poem on facebook detailing how miserable his life is and that there is no hope.



When I saw it, I probably should have sent him a message to see if he's alright, but American Idol was coming on.

NOT Cinderblock 27,578 25
01/22/2010 12:59 PM

So, I've heard awesome things about this Cinderblock chick. How awesome do you guys think she is?

I are Nipples 2,207 7
01/22/2010 01:03 PM

Here is my theory:
He is currently posting under an alternate account with the tagline "I are Nipples." He recently started a thread titled "what happened to Bill?" in a misguided attempt to see if the ZUG community actually missed him.

Actually, I've been posting here for a couple years. How could you forget all the sad attempts at humor I brought to the table?

The only reason I came back was because John put the Zug Live link back up there. True story.

Chit 178,781 15
01/22/2010 01:28 PM

Maybe he's busy walking around town in a cute little backpack and booty shorts?


Oh Shakespeare...that's me... never mind.

Fratberry 283,051 53
01/22/2010 02:15 PM

Maybe he's busy walking around town in a cute little backpack and booty shorts?


Oh Shakespeare...that's me... never mind.

Your post is useless without pictures.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
01/22/2010 02:37 PM

I thought about posting a similar thread, when I read on fark that today was National Squirrel Day. However, I just read the headline there, so it might actually be National Skin a Squirrel Day, or Shoot a Squirrel, or Stab a Squirrel with an Icepick Day. If any of these are true, then he's probably dead.

Hope this helps.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/22/2010 02:38 PM

Maybe he's busy walking around town in a cute little backpack and booty shorts?


No way. His ass is not nearly as hot as yours.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
01/22/2010 03:07 PM

There was a black squirrel in my backyard this morning. It wasn't Bill.

Shempxistential Blues 22,222 17
01/23/2010 12:55 PM

There was a black squirrel in my backyard this morning


How do you know he was really black?

Was he trying to steal your bike?

cakes and ale 2,404 6
01/23/2010 01:01 PM

The part of AC will be played by Shemp today.

Shempxistential Blues 22,222 17
01/23/2010 01:17 PM

I think I may have tracked Bill down.


It seems that after his blind wife left him, Bill did a lot of soul searching. He went off into the woods to ponder on what he should do with his now horribly empty life. After a few days it came to him.

Bill joined the U.S.S.S.S.S, thats right...

The United States Special Secret Squirrel Service

I feel safer already.


The U.S.S.S.S.S, handles all special secret squirrel missions in the Middle East. They are sent in to get the bad guy squirrels.

Abu Musab al-Squirrqawi

Death to America!


God's speed you American hero!

Shempxistential Blues 22,222 17
01/23/2010 01:19 PM

The part of AC will be played by Shemp today



I have great acting range. I once played the lead in Shindlers List: The Musical.

Manhole 21,658 29
01/23/2010 01:38 PM

Fag.

cakes and ale 2,404 6
01/23/2010 01:48 PM

Oy gevalt!

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
01/23/2010 06:02 PM

Predictably within a year of the death of his kid his marriage ended, he hit financial hard times during the divorce, and nothing seems funny anymore as a result.

What? Too real for you to handle? You said you wanted the truth. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/24/2010 04:30 AM

I'm not sure which is more pitiful: that people actually take the time to make those pictures of squirrels dressed in clothes or that I sit there and giggle at them like a total dork.

Chit 178,781 15
01/24/2010 09:17 AM

It appears that Bill has been spotted up in Banff National Park.



This photo actually won some National Geographic contest. I'm guessing that most of you have already seen this one before, but for those who have not... I'm pasting the actual description below.

My husband and I were exploring Lake Minnewanka in Banff National Park-Canada when we stopped for a timed picture of the two of us. We had our camera set up on some rocks and were getting ready to take the picture when this curious little ground squirrel appeared, became intrigued with the sound of the focusing camera and popped right into our shot! A once in a lifetime moment! We were laughing about this little guy for days!!

Shempxistential Blues 22,222 17
01/24/2010 09:32 AM

Bill update:



After service above and beyond the call of duty in the U.S.S.S.S.S. Bill has been promoted to a double top super secret agency called. The Double Top Super Secret Agency.

Here he is seen taking his Double Top Super Secret Agency oath.






All oath's are sworn, under penalty of death, to this man:


This is the only know image

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
01/24/2010 09:35 AM

He died three horrible public deaths out of embarrassment and at the moment he's working on a fourth time.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
01/24/2010 09:41 AM

What? Too real for you to handle? You said you wanted the truth. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Did you order the code red?

The High Priestess 58,964 29
01/24/2010 09:43 AM

What? Too real for you to handle? You said you wanted the truth. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Did you order the code squirrel!

The High Priestess 58,964 29
01/24/2010 09:43 AM

Frost you Pram!

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
01/24/2010 11:59 PM

I found him. He was hanging out in my garage.



Frost-ing freeloader drank all my milk though.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
01/25/2010 12:52 AM

No Bill, don't jump! You have so much to live for!

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
01/25/2010 04:23 AM

Does he really though?


Just sayin'.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11 whispers to Underwhere
01/25/2010 05:22 AM

I know he doesn't, but you're not supposed to tell him that until he gets off the ledge.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
01/25/2010 05:29 AM

Does he really though?


Just sayin'.

Goddamn it, I was going to reply, "Not really." but then I realized if Bill actually killed himself I would feel like an utter Frostbag.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
01/25/2010 06:10 AM

Pfft. That's no ledge, it's the end of a porch! I would pay money to see a fat guy throw himself off of a porch. He won't die from that - it's like what, 3 feet off the ground at most? Sure, he might bruise himself up a bit, but he's got a little cushion built in, so he'd just go all WHUMPFT on the ground.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
01/25/2010 06:11 AM

Wait, sorry - I forgot we were talking about Bill. I had a brain fart and I was thinking about my husband.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
01/25/2010 08:52 AM

I found him. He was hanging out in my garage.

Yeah, unfortunately not by his neck.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/26/2010 12:57 AM

I'm still around. I have issues, BIG ISSUES so the funny hasn't been my main objective. Thanks for the passive aggressive, standoffish, blood sucking support though.

Oh and, "Suck a dick Pram!"

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
01/26/2010 01:32 AM

Bill!

I was just thinking about sprinkling some acorns around to try to attract you back.


But then I got distracted thinking about how if we ever lost Ivan, we could sprinkle some hams around.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
01/26/2010 02:04 AM

Ham? Did someone say ham? Where is it! Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/26/2010 04:41 AM

I have issues, BIG ISSUES


Is that what they're calling man boobs these days?


You're not feeling funny? You felt pretty funny to me the other day.

Hope you stick around. Shakespearehead.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/26/2010 04:51 AM

Ah Shell, you always know the right thing to say. If only you were younger, and single, and had a uterus..

KChikita Banana 128,446 98
01/26/2010 04:54 AM

Hey, without the uterus, you can't knock her up! BONUS!!

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
01/26/2010 06:10 AM

Oh and, "Suck a dick Pram!"

What are you doing Wednesday, Big Boy?

The Sage 36,465 8
01/26/2010 06:31 AM

But then I got distracted thinking about how if we ever lost Ivan, we could sprinkle some hams around.

Yeah, I used to love me some ham...

peoriagrace 6,166 11
01/27/2010 09:58 PM

Hi Bill; sorry to hear you've got issues! Need a tisue? I had to say it no one else would and it was taking up too much space in my head.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/28/2010 02:16 AM

No, but Vanna can I buy an S?

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
01/28/2010 02:28 AM

Bill! Good news! My life sucks too! Please don't go away again. PLEASE??? You can rest easy knowing that someone is always having a worse day than you. Just look at Winona Ryder:

Hey! Not funny, bitch!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/28/2010 05:50 AM

If only you were younger, and single, and had a uterus..


Hey! I just saw that. If I still had a uterus, I'd smack you in the face with it.



Wait, that makes it sound like some kind of indecent proposal. That's not what I meant by it.


Ahh, whatever. I'll just go with that. I'm too tired to think of anything else.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/28/2010 06:32 AM

Ah Shell, you always know the right thing to say.

If only you were younger, and single, and had a uterus.. I'd ask you to smack me with it.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
01/28/2010 06:52 AM

Shell-

Even though you don't have a uterus, you could make a mold of the one you did have with Friendly Plastic.* When that stuff cools and hardens, it's a lethal weapon!








* Friendly plastic can burn uterine hollows, so make sure to stick it in while it's almost opaque.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
01/28/2010 12:50 PM

Bill! Good news! My life sucks too!

Did your baby die? Oh, then I guess you really can't relate, huh.

And Bill, I resent that - there is nothing at all passive about my aggression.

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
01/28/2010 01:22 PM

Yeah, I used to love me some ham...

So did Virn.

How tall was he again?

Thud 68,517 19
01/28/2010 01:27 PM

How tall was he again?

Taller than Blue Lep would be my guess.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
01/28/2010 11:56 PM

Shelle, you should have sent the uterus to Pram so he could make a claymation with it.