1 cat, 2 cat, sweet cat, blue cat
A comedy article
by The Write Straw  98,023  37
01/25/2010 01:28 PM 530 views
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A few years ago I purchased a very pretty pink kitty necklace from an interwebz friend who made it. She was a new age-y type and said that it was Bast, the cat goddess. I just thought it was pretty.
Then about a year later, when my daughter and I were walking through our town's largest park during Easter festivities, my kitty went missing. I guess Bast didn't appreciate the celebration of another god's death and resurrection.
Ever since then, I've wanted to find another kitty, but never got around to it. When Secret Santa 2009 rolled around, I was adding suggestions to the Wish List thread and it occurred to me that this would be an opportunity to get another kitty necklace. I did a search in Etsy looking for a kitty that would look similar to my real kitty.
I found this kitty necklace, which was perfect!
I added it to the list of things in the wish list thread, after which preparations for the holidays made everything fly out of my head (when I say everything, I mean everything - I am now an empty shell of a woman).
When I didn't get a secret santa gift, I publicly whined and wept and begged and finally sent the "I got stiffed" e-mail to SCB. She contacted my secret santa, who she revealed to be Lord Blackadder, then wrote me back and said that he would be sending me something soon.
When I got the package in the mail, I opened it up, and the first thing I saw was the order printout. It had a message from the Etsy seller saying that Mr. So Andso was sorry I didn't get my first gift, and hoped this gift made up for it. When I opened it up, I saw that it was a kitty necklace!
Two things struck me at that moment. It was Manhole's parakeets - they divebombed me because their food tray was empty. While I was filling their tray, I thought about how this kitty looked a lot like the pink kitty I lost - how did my secret santa know? Also, the Etsy seller looked very familiar. I had a creeping suspicion (or maybe it was a spider) and did a search for the wish list thread. Sure enough, when I came across it (not gonna touch this pun, nope), there was a link to a kitty necklace that I had completely forgotten about.
Tapping contemplatively on my meerschaum pipe, I took note of three things: 1. That kitty necklace had been listed in September. My post in that thread was dated Nov 10th. The kitty necklace had been purchased on Nov. 15th. The conclusion is elementary. My secret santa duly purchased the necklace and had it sent to me - but it never arrived. And so I assumed I was stiffed. When Lord Blackadder was questioned by SCB, he went to the same Etsy seller and purchased what he hoped was a reasonable substitute. I suppose I could contact the Etsy seller and confirm my suspicions, but she might think I'm a weirdo and IAMNOTAWEIRDO!!!
As you can see, my new kitty has a frowny face. That's because he's blue. GETIT????
Or maybe it's because his two children have been decapitated to make the earrings which also came in my gift.
Mmm...creepy. But not as creepy as the kitty that came a few days later.
That's right! Another kitty! This one was made of chocolate, so it is pretty much guaranteed that it will be decapitated. But it wasn't my secret santa who sent it - it was one of the elves who felt bad because I had been stiffed...or thought I had been stiffed. Suffice it to say that the Spicey family is in fact very, very sweet.
Thanks Lord Blackadder, and Spicey and Undies!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
11 votes
5.0
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0 votes
0.0
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Dianamatronic 57,835  109
01/25/2010 01:35 PM
Hooray for presents and not getting stiffed!
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0 votes
0.0
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Jeeni.app 47,809 51
01/25/2010 05:31 PM
Awe, so sweet Straw! Such beautiful and delicious kitties!
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
01/25/2010 08:43 PM
I bought the Godiva kitty on amazon. I didn't realize it was a Halloween kitteh. I hope the chocolate didn't taste like old.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Ravos iz in ur dreemz 63,472 21
01/25/2010 10:51 PM
I gave you 5 orbs because I thought you were stiffed. But not I find out you weren't. So hows about you give me those orbs back and we can call it even for misleading me?
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,612 32
01/25/2010 11:04 PM
Nice...Poe?
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0 votes
0.0
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KChikita Banana 128,446 98
01/25/2010 11:17 PM
Cute necklace!! I'm glad you got gifts after all!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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The Write Straw 98,023 37
01/25/2010 11:35 PM
There you go, Ravos. I'm easy.
Undies, I haven't tried it yet because I didn't feel right eating the kitty until after I had written my thank you thread. But this is Godiva we're talking about - even stale Godiva would taste like awesome.
What's really creepy is that my daughter hasn't noticed it yet. It has been sitting there right next to the Harry Potter calendar, which she goes to every day. How do you not notice a large chocolate cat? Especially a child that has a chocolate radar encoded in her DNA? I suppose one theory is that she has seen it and not asked me about it. That goes along with the theory that the sky is made out of blue raspberry cotton candy.
Now that I've finished the article, I'll mention it to her tonight. But first I want to rig the house with explosives - if she says, "What chocolate kitty?" we're getting the hell out of there.
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Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.8
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Dogs Akimbo 211,612 32
01/26/2010 01:11 PM
What's really creepy is that my daughter hasn't noticed it yet.
My guess is that when you go to eat it, you'll find that she's managed to eat the inside and just leave a millimeter-thick shell of chocolate behind.
Heh, I said chocolate behind.
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Funny
6 votes
3.5
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The Write Straw 98,023 37
01/26/2010 01:22 PM
Turns out she thought it was a statue. A brown statue. I need to take her to a doctor to get her radar fixed.
A choctologist.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
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Funny
6 votes
3.5
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Dogs Akimbo 211,612 32
01/26/2010 01:25 PM
A brown statue
That's my new term for a belt-loosening dump.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Ravos iz in ur dreemz 63,472 21
01/26/2010 10:34 PM
A dump which you later keep on the mantle?
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0 votes
0.0
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WhyMi 3,549 12 as usual, not paying full attention
01/27/2010 03:45 AM
Wait, Straw had TWO pussies? then she lost one, the other got cold? And now she's wearing it around her neck?
Wasn't this a Primus song awhile back?
Oh...beaver and KITTY CAT, my bad.
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0 votes
0.0
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WhyMi 3,549 12 in a feable attempt to redeem himself (IE: look less Pram like) he tries again.
01/27/2010 03:47 AM
Dateline 2025:
GAB today has discoved the dimise of one of their own, as Straw, the crazy cat lady, was discovered in her apartment burried under a half ton of kitty liter. It is belived that her 1,000 cats revolted against their being fed only DOMESTIC tuna for the last 15 years and caused this tragic accident.
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