MungChamp 35,891 35
02/01/2010 01:01 AM

Is now a good time to tell you about this dream I had about you?

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 01:03 AM

Finally, here is my one piece of (for realsies) advice: Use good grammar and mechanics. Yeah AOL speak and emotions are mainstream and whatever, but you look like a tard and it just won't go over well here. Many have tried to buck this trend before, all have failed, you are not cool and unique for sticking to your txtspk and :-P

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 01:03 AM

Oh, and SUYT.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/01/2010 01:03 AM

Taco, your ideas intrigue me and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

The Mailman 176,467 56
02/01/2010 01:03 AM

I like to imagine what it's like to be a n00b on AOL Chat. You probably get mocked for not using LOLs or emoticons.

Bubba McChortle 16 8
02/01/2010 01:03 AM

How do I go back to AOL Chat? I miss it so.

The Mailman 176,467 56
02/01/2010 01:05 AM

you are not cool and unique for sticking to your txtspk and :-P

But Paris Hilton does it all the time in her tweets and she gets to be on TV!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/01/2010 01:06 AM

Paris also sucks more Coleridge than you do, at least I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt on that.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 01:08 AM

Is now a good time to tell you about this dream I had about you?

I'll burn your house down.

Filly 39,193 20
02/01/2010 01:14 AM

Whoooaaa Sage flashback!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/01/2010 01:14 AM

My noob advice: If Al offers you mystery meat, don't eat it.

The Write Straw 98,023 37
02/01/2010 01:17 AM

She's only being nice so she can drop a bucket of blood on you at the prom. I'm telling you this because I want you to spare me when you go into a telekinetic frenzy of rage care about you.

The Mailman 176,467 56
02/01/2010 01:19 AM

My advice to newbies: if you have trouble coming up with a signature tagline for your profile that is both witty and funny, don't hesitate to start a conversation thread and the ZUG community for help.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/01/2010 01:52 AM

taste good fried up with some onion slivers.

Good god, Taco. I hope you haven't been eating those.

The Mailman 176,467 56
02/01/2010 01:55 AM

You gotta love the irony of the ZUG community flaming the n00bs for using AOL-speak, when at the same time everyone in ZUG community insists on calling new people "n00bs".

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 01:59 AM

And asking said n00bs to SUYT.

Learning Live is like learning the English language: there's rules, unspoken rules, and weird exceptions to everything. You've just got to crash-course it and pray for the best.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
02/01/2010 02:34 AM

I am willing to offer Zug tutoring to any n00bs interested in being able to become contributing members of society. $20, same as in town.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 03:24 AM

Also, don't forget to rape Taco whenever your in Atlanta.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 03:26 AM

Who am I kidding, you can't rape the willing and Taco always pushes back.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 03:32 AM

Also, you're.

Achtung! Nerd in und Panzer! 27,000 12
02/01/2010 03:54 AM

HAMMERHED UR STILL AROUND LOLOLOLOLOLOLolololol!!!1111222345 ur gay

UnderChickens- you know you wanna b 286,634 61
02/01/2010 03:56 AM

Let me tell you about Taco.

Taco gives great............






....car rides. Yeah, that's all I got from her. Course it's all I went after and I was successful at that. Maybe I should have tried for more.

She might have paid for my dinner.

Nerd in a Panzer 27,000 12
02/01/2010 03:58 AM

Hey Taco, fill my Pee Tube? Do we still say that around here...?

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 04:03 AM

Hey Chix, did you at least offer Taco roadhead? Because Taco lives by the Holy Book of The Unwritten Rules of the Road.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/01/2010 04:13 AM

Also, don't write erotic short stories about other members.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 04:33 AM

Also, don't write erotic short stories about other members.

If you do, you'll be karmic-ally forced to marry a hambeast from the internet. Be forewarned.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 04:37 AM

And your nightmares will be the faint squeek of a wheelchair slowly getting closer until the cripple drags himself into bed with you. The scariest part will be the realization that you aren't asleep and that is your life.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 04:46 AM

Part the second:

Hello again, Noobi-Wan Kenobi! You may find yourself at some point asking, "who the hell moderates/runs this Shakespeareheap?"

There are several people who are the brains and brawn behind Zug. Our creator (praise be upon him) is Jeff Hargrave. You may know him from his incredibly popular and worldwide recognized Super Bowl Prank. He pops in every now and then to lay the smackdown, but most of the time he's busy writing books or something.

Second is Abe Vigoda, otherwise known as Phuc. You may have wondered where he's been all these years. He's been here, making the funny and determining the delicious-ness order of every meat available on Earth. If you make a racist joke he'll probably kill you, because he's Asian and all Asians know martial arts.

Then there's this Analog guy. I have no idea who the Frost he is but apparently he does something around here and he seems okay I guess.

Another question you may ask is, "who are these people with the special icons and how do I get one?" These people are cooler/older than you, and their icons are an embodiment of that. Or they bought them. You can get one by being totally awesome too, or by giving Jeff a whole Shakespeareload of money. Chances are you'll have that kind of disposable income years before you'll have that kind of coolness.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 06:57 AM

Part the Third: The Art of Bringing the Funny

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ENOUGH WITH THE JENNI MAIER PRANKS. CHRIST HAVEN'T WE SEEN THEM ENOUGH ALREADY?!

*coughcough* I mean, bringing the funny is a delicate balance. Just because something is funny to you, or to your friends, doesn't mean it is going to translate well to written form. Especially not here.

9 times out of 10, if you've seen something posted on another site, or you're repeating something from an email or a "classic" prank/comedy bit...we've seen it all before. Try being a little original.

There is no one brand of funny here at Live - some people are more offbeat, some people are zippy one-liners, and some people specialize in insult humor. Don't feel pressed to find a schtick...actually, don't "try" too hard either. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

The tips below the text box you post in are all good starts, but before you post, ask yourself this: if you read this posted by someone else, and didn't know the context, would it still be as funny? If not, can it immediately be construed into something sexual? The answer should be "yes" to one or both of those questions.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
02/01/2010 07:07 AM

You think the "n00bs" showing up here are going to have the attention span to read all the crap you wrote? Hell I didn't even read it all. Then again I'm not the prime example of how to act on here.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/01/2010 07:49 AM

New members are the lifeblood of ZuG. I speak as one of ZuG's elder statesmen* when I say that there's nothing to be afraid of here. Jump right in, we're a friendly bunch. I will offer a few tips on how to make friends with the influential people here, though.

Ask Millie to show her boobs. She loves that.

When speaking to, about or near Daggy, be sure to address her directly.

Meet B.I.G. for drinks sometime if you're east coast. If you're midwest, meet Jep.

Borrow a science book from Chickens.

Let Undies babysit your kids.

Frolic on Nutbutter's lawn.

Write pornographic fanfic about Taco.

Play with my fifes when I'm not around. Then when I get back, give me a big hug.

Go on a date with the beautiful lady we know as Trixxie.

That's good for a start. Have fun here!

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/01/2010 07:51 AM

*I may be wrong about the statesman part.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/01/2010 07:59 AM

Also, I Frost-ing hate everyone. Especially you.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/01/2010 11:47 AM

Meet B.I.G. for drinks sometime if you're east coast. If you're midwest, meet Jep.

Actually, you should make sure you take a ride with Jep. He's an excellent driver. And buy him a beer. And a Thai hooker.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 11:49 AM

Oh yeah, and Hammerhead can hook you up with our resident free computer and tech guy, Blue Lep. Blue Lep's been graciously letting HH live on his couch for several months.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/01/2010 12:12 PM

I can also get you a great deal on all the crap in the Zug Store. Go around back. Ask for Skippy.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 12:13 PM

Touch.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/01/2010 12:14 PM

Apparently my pretty French e with a dash over it was too much for Zug's servers to handle.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
02/01/2010 12:21 PM

You don't have to ask us to touch you Taco, just show up at the door.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/02/2010 12:52 AM

More advice for noobs:


Judge your life by how far above the bar or below the bar your problems are compared to mine.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
02/02/2010 01:12 AM

Bill, I don't think you can still be alive and get below the bar you've set.

/I keed, I keed

Barney T Dinosaur 2,612 19
02/02/2010 01:29 AM

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ENOUGH WITH THE JENNI MAIER PRANKS. CHRIST HAVEN'T WE SEEN THEM ENOUGH ALREADY?!




That alone got ya 5 orbs from me(sorry I didnt read the rest)

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/02/2010 01:49 AM

In case anyone was wondering whether Jenni Maier was a real person or just a second account set up by a ZuG insider for the purpose of posting quickie prank threads, I have received independent verification that Jenni is, in fact, a real person.

And no, that verification did not include tittie pics.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/02/2010 01:51 AM

More noob advice:

If my brother asks you to pick him up a can of Crisco, send it via UPS. DO NOT deliver it in person.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/02/2010 01:54 AM

Bill, I don't think you can still be alive and get below the bar you've set.

I was going to 5 orb you for this, until you did this:

/I keed, I keed

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/02/2010 02:14 AM

Bill, I don't think you can still be alive and get below the bar you've set.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/02/2010 02:15 AM

So where's my whorbs?

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/02/2010 02:18 AM

Noted and logged.

Frogpop 173,153 25
02/02/2010 02:21 AM

Hi Nerd, welcome back.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
02/02/2010 02:23 AM

I was going to 5 orb you for this, until you did this:

/I keed, I keed

What if I said I was said I was trying to be intentionlly ironic and not really kidding at all?

Seriously, your life is a steaming cesspool of suck. I'll take my orbs now.

Miss Trixxie's cuming up behind you 65,026 15
02/02/2010 02:29 AM

Whistler, why did DeClan leave ZUG? he loved ZUG.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/02/2010 02:31 AM

Part five: there is no part four.

Most inside jokes must be learned by fire. No, literally, we have to set you on fire before we'll let you in on it.

I kid (no I don't). But honestly it's just better if you figure out most things on your own. Brad Nails, Take it to HoBLAM, all of that stuff will come with time.

However, some inside jokes, particularly those pertaining to people you don't want to grow up to be like, are better explained so you can learn not to follow in their horrendous footsteps. You see, here at Live we want the best for our fellow Livers. Not because we actually care, but because the more we guide and teach, the better the funny is. Granted, all these people are funny, but not for reasons they would like were they here today.

Mesh Bag of Nightmares. Are you a lonely Louisiana housewife with a creepy pair of mesh underwear and an unreasonable amount of cellulite given how thin you are? If the answer is yes, then welcome back, Jilly. Never post your ass on Live, especially if your ass is terrifying. The notoriety of your ass will live on long after you've left the board.

Necktat. Never judge a book by it's cover, unless it's cover happens to have a neck tattoo and is titled "Hat." Especially a really cliche star neck tattoo. Tattoo placement and the degree to which you'll be mocked for it can best be described by this handy diagram:

So post yours at your own risk.

Creeples. I don't really want to talk about this one.

The Write Straw 98,023 37
02/02/2010 02:33 AM

Here's my tips for n00bs:

Your comedy conversation will be rated funnier if you start with a funny REAL-LIFE topic (try to stick to funny things going on in YOUR life), provide a "setup" for people to provide a "punchline," and write well, with correct spelling and punctuation.

Also, don't pass off other material as your own.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/02/2010 02:39 AM

I was going to 5 orb you for this, until you did this:

/I keed, I keed

What if I said I was said I was trying to be intentionlly ironic and not really kidding at all?

Seriously, your life is a steaming cesspool of suck. I'll take my orbs now.



I'm sorry that you're a little slow there cyco and I think you are a funny guy, so I'll explain.


I was going to give you 5 orbs for the funny until you pulled out the Triumph the wonder dog shtick which immediately dropped it to 3 orbs. After that in the above post you misunderstood why I didn't give you five orbs but still made a funny but Taco beat you to it with 2 funnies dropping you to three a second time for your slow reaction time. Plus, you misspelled intentionally but, since it wasn't intentional I didn't deduct for that.

Thank you for your time, have a nice day.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/02/2010 02:40 AM

Hi Nerd, welcome back.

*Whips off glasses dramatically*

You, SIR ... are completely accurate.

*Runs off Crying*

The Write Straw 98,023 37
02/02/2010 02:48 AM

One might think that if someone says "Hi Nerd" and capitalizes the word nerd, then it must be a specific person with the name Nerd that is being addressed, rather than being used as a characterization.

Ctrl+F = Nerd

Result = Achtung! Nerd in und Panzer!

Oh look. I was right.

Nachos 57,521 23
02/02/2010 02:54 AM

The alternative advice is; ignore all advice and post what you think is funny regardless of what anyone else thinks. Over time, you may find like-humoured souls who will invite others of their ilk eventually leading you to become the new generation of Livers with your own in-jokes and social conventions. This will then marginalise the old-guard who will end up muttering in the corner about how good things used to be in their day until they're old and withered.

Then you can mug them because that's all old people are good for.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/02/2010 03:01 AM

Come on and mug me, Nachos.


Trixxie, Declan didn't have the hardware to support interacting on the new, improved ZuG, so he gave it up.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/02/2010 03:06 AM

One ought to enjoy using this typically over-formal grammatical construct as much as one can. One also might be inclined to point out that one's post in proximity to one's own post might incline one to believe that one poster was referring to one's post and as such one might wish to reply to the same. Also, when it comes to internet posting boards, one typically expects a certain degree of grammatical idiosyncracy, including but not limited to irregular capitalization. Additionally, one may not notice a post containing the referenced individual in a thread with well over a hundred posts. One will not usually immediately resort to ctrl + f; instead, one will ordinarily look at the surrounding posts for context.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/02/2010 03:08 AM

One ought to enjoy using this typically over-formal grammatical construct as much as one can. One also might be inclined to point out that one's post in proximity to one's own post might incline one to believe that one poster was referring to one's post and as such one might wish to reply to the same. Also, when it comes to internet posting boards, one typically expects a certain degree of grammatical idiosyncracy, including but not limited to irregular capitalization. Additionally, one may not notice a post containing the referenced individual in a thread with well over a hundred posts. One will not usually immediately resort to ctrl + f; instead, one will ordinarily look at the surrounding posts for context.



What the Frost are you talking about?

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/02/2010 03:14 AM

Nothing, that was the world's most snobbish and crappy attempt at a counter-burn ever.

I am a stupid n00b, and I don't feel comfortable telling people to Frost off just yet.

Please disregard.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
02/02/2010 03:26 AM

was going to give you 5 orbs for the funny until you pulled out the Triumph the wonder dog shtick .... Plus, you misspelled intentionally but, since it wasn't intentional I didn't deduct for that.

In my defense, stupidity is contaigious and I've had about 4 hours worth of stupid flowing in through my headset at work today.

I only bust out the Triumph line because I don't want to sound like a complete Emerson because I haven't been around that long, however in retrospect I probably sound like more of an Emerson because it implies I like what a Frost-ing handpuppet has to say.

2010 - A Cyco Odyssey 11,330 11
02/02/2010 03:28 AM

Nothing, that was the world's most snobbish and crappy attempt at a counter-burn ever.

I am a stupid n00b, and I don't feel comfortable telling people to Frost off just yet.

Please disregard.


Just be kindly about it. As in 'Would you kindly Frost off?'

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2010 03:29 AM

Or just "Frost you both, stop queering up the thread."

The Write Straw 98,023 37
02/02/2010 03:38 AM

I was trying to reassure the n00b that no one was calling him a nerd. Just because I was patronizing him at the same time doesn't make it any less sincere!

*runs off crying*

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/02/2010 03:39 AM

Also, don't pass off other material as your own.

This is very true. We will call you out, because this group has collectively read the entire internet. Plus, like, 3 1/2 books.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2010 03:42 AM

Settle down Cinderblock before you get throat-Frosted until you're choking on baby batter, and you get forced to give out rim jobs like its a bad prison movie before we put you back in the barrel because its Tuesday and its your turn.

So basically we're just going to reenact your 8th birthday party.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/02/2010 03:46 AM

All right! Ice cream cake!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2010 03:49 AM

And I smell like whiskey and regret, just like you're creepy uncle. Looks like I'll be getting the Rusty Trumbone tonight.

"Who's Daddy's good little felcher? That's right, Cinder, its you."

Fratberry 283,051 53
02/02/2010 03:50 AM

If I can give one piece of advice it would be to make sure before you post here you are up to date on all of your shots. A third piece of advice would be that if you decide to attend a ZUG event that your affairs are in order and your will is up to date. Familiarize yourself with the term "double-bagging".

dinesh 24,862 16
02/02/2010 03:50 AM

I think you mean "your."

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2010 03:53 AM

Damn it. Thank you, oh great grammar genie.

dinesh 24,862 16
02/02/2010 04:07 AM

You're not allowed to call me that unless you rub my belly first.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2010 04:09 AM

I could be in Princeton in an hour if necessary.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/02/2010 04:09 AM

Holy crap! Frat is invisible and only I can see him!

WhyMi 3,549 12
02/02/2010 05:21 AM

OK who put the hot sauce in Taco's tampons?




imsorryimsorryimsorrypleasforgiveme.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
02/02/2010 05:23 AM

No one it comes out burning like that all the time.

Shempxistential Blues 22,222 17
02/02/2010 09:16 AM

I believe I said this before.


For people who dont like Texttalk and AOLism's, you all sure use the word nOOb a lot.


Now, as for my advice for nOObs, I have no advice.


Ok I do have some advice, no matter how large a hole Taco or Big rips you for posting stupid nOOb Shakespeare, just remember. You are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.

Just not the people here on Live.

Millie 116,988 28
02/02/2010 09:23 AM

I agree with Nachos. Post what you think is funny and don't try so hard to fit in. I'd rather see someone being sincere and funny instead of trying to pander to everyone already here.

And try not to irritate me. And if you do, don't be such a whiney Poe about it when I'm a bitch to you. It happens to any person who is stupid and bugs me--it's nothing personal.

Nerd in a Panzer 27,000 12
02/02/2010 09:29 AM

Frogpop is a sloppy Frost-ing alchie. Drunk prick.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
02/02/2010 09:52 AM

Oh Millie, you still make me all aflutter.

GenericGuy 284 7
02/02/2010 10:00 AM

I thought this was the ONE-piece-of-advice thread. Not the multiple-pieces-of-crap-that-could-barely-be-construed-as-advice-and-rival-the-New-York-sewer-system-for-crappiness thread.

Thud 68,517 19
02/02/2010 10:20 AM

You want one piece of advice. Fine.

1. Don't be an Emerson.

Frogpop 173,153 25
02/02/2010 06:34 PM

Frogpop is a sloppy Frost-ing alchie. Drunk prick.

You kiss your mother with that can?

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
02/03/2010 12:19 AM

As a nOOb who started lurking about the time lobster got knocked up, doesn't post all that often and isn't all that funny, I have some advice for newer nOObs. Read the profiles of everyone who posts. read their articles, their funniest moments etc. Some hysterical Shakespeare has gone on in this place. You'll get at least a sense of who is who.

It worked for me except I thought Millie was black (sorry) and Whistler was straight.

Nerd in a Panzer 27,000 12
02/03/2010 12:47 AM

You kiss your mother with that can?


I french kiss my mother with this can thank you.

Millie 116,988 28
02/03/2010 01:28 AM

Why be sorry because you thought I was black? A lot of people probably thought so because of my former icon.

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
02/03/2010 01:46 AM

I'm not sorry that you're not black...I'm sorry I thought you were black because it was my mistake.


Now may I have a cookie please?

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/03/2010 02:17 AM

Things I have learned.

1. Explosions can be funny. Things not exploding when they should are not.

2. Either farts or boobs are a good start, but farting on boobs is just wrong.

3. 20 Dollars, same as in town.


P.S. Please to be explaining the Brad Nail.

Nerd, Couselor, Panzerkampfwagener. 27,000 12
02/03/2010 03:33 AM

Why be sorry because you thought I was black? A lot of people probably thought so because of my former icon.

I thought you were black because of your poor punctuation, grammar, general laziness and your voracious appetite for all things fried chicken.

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
02/03/2010 05:27 AM

AC disappears and we get a new token racist


I know...it's a comedy site.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/03/2010 05:28 AM

Oh god, never point out when someone's disappeared for a while, it makes themcome back.

This is why we can't have nice things!

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/03/2010 05:29 AM

AC disappears and we get a new token racist

You better pass that Shakespeare to the left, cracker.

Nerd, Couselor, Panzerkampfwagener. 27,000 12
02/03/2010 05:32 AM

First of all I'm not new. Second of all, don't you have pools to skim you MexiCarroll?

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
02/03/2010 05:39 AM

I'm all finished my pools...I may be a Carroll but I'm a fast one. That's good right? And I didn't mean you were new as in nOOb just a new side of you that I, at least, had not noticed before.

And don't pick on Millie I like her...she's bitter, like me.

Pubah 56,851 18
02/03/2010 06:31 AM

Be nice
Be funny

If you find either of those difficult

Be gone

Cyberwhere? 917 8
02/03/2010 07:03 AM

I think it is time I corrected all of you. It isn't noob or nOOb, it is n00b. Dumbasses. Frostwads. Ah, I've got it: Idiots!

Kismet! 168 6
02/03/2010 07:04 AM

I can be nice ORfunny. You choose.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/03/2010 12:53 PM

You want one piece of advice. Fine.

1. Don't be an Emerson.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/03/2010 12:53 PM

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Millie 116,988 28
02/03/2010 02:33 PM

Jesus, BIG, take a drink if it will calm you down. Does pot-smoking count in your little bet? If not, do that.

Millie 116,988 28
02/03/2010 02:36 PM

Nerd, for a joke to be funny, it has to have some truthfulness to it. My grammar is not poor, and I'm not (that) lazy. I don't dislike fried chicken but I don't eat it that much.

So, besides being a racist, you are also unfunny.

N00bs, use this as an example of what NOT to be.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
02/03/2010 04:20 PM

To all the n00bs, if you do the opposite of everything I do, they will find you hilarious.


Millie, Don't show me your tits!

Pubah 56,851 18
02/04/2010 02:59 AM

I'd prefer nice, n00bby McN00b...but if you have to be mean. direct it at other mean people. Catfights can be funny.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
02/04/2010 03:01 AM

To the noobs: don't lobster up the place any more than it already is.

dasypygal-unwaxed 14,803 17
02/04/2010 03:43 AM

HI!!

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
02/04/2010 03:49 AM

I like Taco's mean side.

I like your mean side, Taco!!! If we ever hang out, we will get along by virtue of the fact that we don't get along well with other people (especially n00bs).

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/04/2010 03:51 AM

I'm ten times more awkward and only half as mean in person.

Also, n00bs should listen to Ravos (sometimes). He is a wise man (occasionally).

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/04/2010 03:52 AM

In real life, I am the exact same as I am on GAB. Everything on the internet is real.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
02/04/2010 03:53 AM

I'm 10 times more award in person! We can draw straws and then fight to the death with soft cushions for the title of who is awkwardest!

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
02/04/2010 03:55 AM

'm 10 times more award

Believe it or not, that is not a typo. I am, in fact, award. Sometimes I'm an Emmy, other times I'm an Oscar... And during a weak moment, I'm a Grammy.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/04/2010 03:55 AM

We can draw straws and then fight to the death with soft cushions for the title of who is awkwardest!

Somehow I think this will involve a lot of awkward laughing and poor aim.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
02/04/2010 03:57 AM

Depends how many mystery shots we've done from your chemistry set.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/04/2010 03:57 AM

Here is my advice to not just n00bs, but everyone:
DANCE as though no one is watching you,
LOVE as though you have never been hurt before,
SING as though no one can hear you,
LIVE as though today is your last day!!!
XD XOXOXOX ;)
Forward this to at least 10 people if you truly want to feel God's love!!!!!!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/04/2010 03:59 AM

ChiChi, you forgot, play original nintendo everyday and go to every 8Bitches concert.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/04/2010 04:01 AM

People don't like it when I whore my side projects, which include 8BITches and The F-List Podcast.

KChikita Banana 128,446 98
02/04/2010 04:03 AM

If I ever get to meet Taco in person, we are going to make eye contact and immediately start having sex.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
02/04/2010 04:04 AM

Somehow I think this will involve a lot of awkward laughing and poor aim.

Pram should be used to that by now.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/04/2010 04:04 AM

Yup.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/04/2010 04:04 AM

I was replying to Kchiki, but somehow it still works.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/04/2010 04:11 AM

ChiChi, this is Live. Feel free to whore anything you want. Its okay.

Pramable Lectern 80,728 42
02/04/2010 04:17 AM

The F-List Podcast.

Ooh, can I be on that? It would be great exposure to how much I suck.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/04/2010 04:58 AM

I thought Millie was black (sorry) and Whistler was straight.


It's easy to get confused because of my marriage to a female person and the way she keeps continuing to produce my children. I stand by my assertion, though, that no matter how many women you have banged, and no matter how many times you have banged them, if you so much as brush against another man's penis, you are a fag. It wouldn't be very fair if I made an exception for myself, would it?

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 27,000 12
02/04/2010 05:38 AM

if you so much as brush against another man's penis, you are a fag.

Frost I'm gay.

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
02/04/2010 06:10 AM

Frost! So am I.

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 27,000 12
02/04/2010 06:12 AM

Let us be Gay together then.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
02/04/2010 06:13 AM

Whistler is big on the lemon parties now.

Randall Cleveland 49,019 14
02/04/2010 06:14 AM

If I ever get to meet Taco in person, we are going to make eye contact and immediately start having sex.

I keep emailing her the same thing.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
02/04/2010 06:14 AM

I don't know who you're emailing, but they're probably really creeped out by now.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/04/2010 06:30 AM

Since all this advice was aimed at n00bs and I am a n00b, it must all be about me.

That's great! Thanks for all the advice and comments!

Makes me warm and fuzzy inside, especially since I only have like a year left of med school. And I absolutely can't get pregnant, my doctor assures me.

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 27,000 12
02/04/2010 06:33 AM

The lower your IQ, the higher your chance of becoming pregnant is.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/04/2010 06:38 AM

Well, I'm also going to night school to get a PhD in quantum field effects of exotic ferromagnetic alloys, so I should be all set.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/04/2010 06:39 AM

The lower your IQ, the higher your chance of becoming pregnant is.

It's true, actually. It's why rabbits and also the retardeds have litters of pups.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/04/2010 06:43 AM

Also, you will need to know about the following sites which are often referenced:

This

This

This

and this.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/04/2010 06:48 AM

Oh, Big! I just know I'll fit in here. Those are some of my favorite sites. Lemonparty is the best. It's nice of whistler to share one of his intimate moments with the internet. Shows he has a giving spirit.

Randall Cleveland 49,019 14
02/04/2010 07:42 AM

Also, this.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/04/2010 10:11 AM

There are approximately zero sites left on the internet that can shock me. Try eFrostt.com for some real treats.

Ravos in Wonderland 63,472 21
02/04/2010 10:43 PM

The lower your IQ, the higher your chance of becoming pregnant is.

Thus, men's IQ is unfathomably high.

Octopus Carrying Dinosaur 1,029 12
02/05/2010 12:16 AM

This looks vaguely familiar.

Octopus Carrying Dinosaur 1,029 12
02/05/2010 12:18 AM

Also, this.

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 27,000 12
02/05/2010 01:05 AM

Use smiley faces. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Ali Legend 844 7
02/05/2010 10:06 AM

In real life, I am the exact same as I am on GAB. Everything on the internet is real.

I read all about that on wikipedia.

Man of Men 177 7
02/06/2010 08:11 AM

Neither one nor noobs are present here. How misleading.

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 27,000 12
02/06/2010 08:16 AM

THOU SPEAKEST IN RIDDLES!

Cyberwhere? 917 8
02/07/2010 07:55 AM

1. Understand the Swearbot to the point that you use it on other sites.

2. Laugh at the n00bs trying to figure out what you are saying.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
02/07/2010 09:16 AM

I haven't used swearbot in years, but the name Coleridge still makes me giggle.

ZukeTheRed 546 6
02/08/2010 01:43 AM

Though I am but a lowly n00b, I've been lurking for years and automatically equate swearbot substitutes for the real thing.

I just read a random news article that referenced a Professor Poe, and it made me suddenly laugh out loud at work.

I got some got some mildy-concerned glances, but that's about par for the course.

Ravos: Accidental Ganesh 63,472 21
02/08/2010 01:56 AM

Good, better, best,
never let it rest,
until your good is better,
and your better, best.

I'm not sure what it means, but it sounded appropriate.