Barefoot Chance 168,208 11
02/08/2010 08:30 AM

I'm sure she is fine, Whistler. Usually the younger child has everything handed to her or done for her before she can verbalize it therfore she has no need to speak. I've seen it so many times. My cousin is the same age as my son, he is an only child she being the last child. You would think she was YEARS younger because they wanted to keep her a baby as long as possible. No fault of the parents, it just happens.

I've also seen someone go as far as breastfeed a child way too long because he was the last child. If the child can walk up to you, lift your shirt up, & grab your tit while youre helping him with his math homework you shouldnt be breast feeding.

Cinderblock 19,814 10
02/08/2010 09:28 AM

As an incentive to speak, refuse to feed or change her until she has asked you to do so in a complete sentence. That should work.

UnderWhere? 72,817 16
02/08/2010 10:03 AM

My oldest daughter had a limited vocabulary when she was that age. She went to a Head Start program and got special services. I recommend NOT doing this, because now, at nineteen, she doesn't hesitate when finding the right words on telling me what exactly I've done wrong in her life, and why I fail as a parent. She's also quick to tell me that my ass looks fat and horrible, if she's feeling particularly hateful.

So yeah, tell your wife to re-think having her learn to talk at all.

Ravos: Accidental Ganesh 34,260 10
02/08/2010 10:05 AM

Instead, you should send her to mime school.

KChiki - Still not Chi Chi! 50,414 11
02/08/2010 10:26 AM

My son (who is close to the same age as Bridget) was speaking gibberish. Most of his words didn't sound ANYTHING like real words and we couldn't figure out half of what he was saying.

He recently had his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears. The doc said he had a lot of fluid in his ears and his hearing was probably comparable to having water in your ears all the time. So everything he heard was muddy or muffled.

Now he repeats everything much clearer, is speaking in small sentences and telling me that I don't feed him what he wants, don't give him the toy he wants and generally pissing me off. Yay!

So, my advice is to have her hearing tested.

MungChamp 22,459 16
02/08/2010 10:29 AM

Don't worry Whistler, she will be fine. You should be much more concerned about the first time she brings home an arts and craft project.

Cinderblock 19,814 10
02/08/2010 10:33 AM

She doesn't have to know how to talk. She'll probably be hot like her mom.

Chit 163,894 10
02/08/2010 10:38 AM

Awesome story... Bridget's on her way to becoming a Whack Packer.

I'm betting she also knows 'Ta Ta Toothie', 'Fa Fa Flow Fly', and the phrase, 'Lisa G takes Shakespeares at work'.

Cyco Ivan 8,925 6
02/08/2010 10:46 AM

My 2 oldest kids are in the same boat as KChiki's - they had a tonsilectomy and adenoidectomy and my middle one has tube in right now. My oldest is fine but my middle one is still sometimes hard to understand

However, she's got ADHD and I can't afford Ritalin, so I keep her medicated with some of old Grandad's cough syrup. I can't possibly see why that would slur her speech.

Cinderblock 19,814 10
02/08/2010 10:53 AM

You can't afford Ritalin? It's off patent now, so you can get a cheap generic for, like, $4 a bottle. Let me guess... you also can't afford formula and can't afford to not hit her, huh?

UnderWhere? 72,817 16
02/08/2010 01:09 PM

To be fair, he can medicate himself with a couple of bottles of Mad Dog for the same price and he won't care that she has ADHD anymore.

Big Irish Guy 175,949 10
02/08/2010 01:13 PM

Whistler's got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one...bitches are like 3 or 4 of his problems.

Cyco Ivan 8,925 6
02/08/2010 01:15 PM

Well OK, I misspoke. I CAN afford Ritalin, but I can get more doses out of a bottle of rotgut, and the effects are much funnier on little children. You ever see a 3 year old trying to fight a houseplant? It's Frost-ing hilarious.

Shell Belle 31,350 9
02/08/2010 01:55 PM

My son was 4 1/2 and was hardly speaking at all. I was going to make the joke that we were considering mime school, but Ravos took it. Damn you, Ravos. We got him checked by a doctor and put him into speech therapy and BOOM! He was talking within a month.

Now he's 7 and can mimic me and quote my favorite movie lines like a pro.

While driving: "What's your problem, jackass?! Get moving already!"

While playing Lego Star Wars: "Keep firing, Emersons!"

Does it make me a bad parent that I am more amused by that than mortified?

KChiki - Still not Chi Chi! 50,414 11
02/08/2010 01:57 PM

When we left the doctor's office after his post-op checkup, I got my son to yell "PEACE OUT!!!" at the nurses. It was hysterical.

Cyco Ivan 8,925 6
02/08/2010 02:06 PM

Does it make me a bad parent that I am more amused by that than mortified?

Nope, but it does make it hard to discipline them. When my kids call me a jizzmopping Coleridgebite, I'm too busy laughing to beat them.

TableTopJane 168,693 11
02/08/2010 02:42 PM

Speaking of slow kids, we're still working on potty training the 3 year old. As it is, he'll run up to me now and grunt out "I'm pooping!". I want to scream at him that he's a dumbass who needs to tell me before he starts, not when he's actually doing it but it's probably not a good parenting strategy.

Nerd, Admiral of the MS Painter. 26,869 10
02/08/2010 02:51 PM

When I went to do rehab work at the jail all the inmates said what was wrong with the world today was kids needed to be hit more.

Since they were all beaten and ended up in a fine place I took their advice to heart, and promptly vomited it up in the parking lot.

Barefoot Chance 168,208 11
02/08/2010 03:45 PM

As it is, he'll run up to me now and grunt out "I'm pooping!".

For a minute there I thought you were talking about Donk Sr.

Fratberry 219,148 13
02/08/2010 03:59 PM

Donk still waits until after.

Fratberry 219,148 13
02/08/2010 04:01 PM

I think Nerd should be hit more. With my truck.

Fratberry 219,148 13
02/08/2010 04:03 PM

I think the beta blockers have ceased to be effective.

Ditdah 115,019 10
02/08/2010 05:17 PM

The GF will randomly shout "Baba Booey" at times that don't make any sense at all. (Not like it ever does make sense, but some are more unusual than others.) She used to claim it was to see if there were any Stern fans around, but she'll do it when we're home alone, too. I find that unnerving.

Ditdah 115,019 10
02/08/2010 05:19 PM

Hey - maybe our house is haunted, and she's trying to decide if they're friendly?

Hey KChiki! I think you should come "investigate my house!"

Whistler P. McManus 141,410 23
02/08/2010 06:44 PM

She doesn't have to know how to talk. She'll probably be hot like her mom.


Yeah, this got me in trouble, too. I told my wife, "It doesn't matter if she's dumb as a box of rocks. She'll be fine. Look how pretty she is!"

That one got me slugged.

One of the worst things is that she doesn't say "Mama." She either calls E.J. "AAAAAAHHH," or she just tells her what she wants. But she calls my oldest son's girlfriend Amanda by name, and even has a nickname for her - Amananananda. And Amanda taught her to say, "Holla," which we don't really understand, but we listed it as one of her vocabulary words since all the nerdy college kids seem to be saying it.



By the way, Chit, Steve Langford has a huge penis. Penis...penis...penis...penis...

peoriagrace 5,962 9
02/08/2010 09:02 PM

All my kids talked early. My youngest started at 3 mos., not kidding. She was lying in bed with me and Daddy. She turns her head to look at her Dad and says in a very soft baby voice- Hhhiii. At 5 mos. she said I hung re; and another person with me asked did she just say she's hungry, I guess was my reply. She then repeated herself, so I got her some food. They were all slow at the potty training though.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 55,588 21
02/08/2010 09:04 PM

...so your kids have a better grasp of English mechanics than you?

Filly 27,151 11
02/08/2010 10:39 PM

I totally thought this was going to be a self birthday thread and I was thinking, "Really? Forty-six? That's it?"

Blue Suede Shempxistential Blues 16,449 9
02/09/2010 01:36 AM

My fat daughter started talking at three months too. Her first words were, "More" and "bacon".

By time she was 8 months old she could recite her A,B,C's. Not only did she know the letters but she could name a cheese for each letter. A-Alpine Swiss, B-Brie, C-Colby, and so on.

When she was 1 year old, she already had the McDonalds drive-thru menu memorized.

dasypygal-unwaxed 5,514 7
02/09/2010 02:33 AM

You dropped that child on her head, didn't you?

Duke Ravos IV 34,260 10
02/09/2010 08:07 AM

She was lying in bed with me and Daddy.

Your daughter is Lobster!?!

dasypygal-unwaxed 5,514 7
02/09/2010 09:25 AM

Your daughter is Lobster!?!

That's the magical key to the talking thing!

Frost them young, then they'll quickly develop a myriad of words. Humorless words...but WORDS!

Whistler P. McManus 141,410 23
02/09/2010 11:58 AM

The things a child learns to say first are often not the things they hear most often, but the things that are said with the most emphasis. For example, my oldest child spoke many of his first words while riding his little tricycle around the driveway, like, "Jesus Christ," and "you idiot."

Whistler P. McManus 141,410 23
02/09/2010 12:00 PM

I'll be 49 in June, Filly. Have you ever seen silver pubic hair?

Big Irish Guy 175,949 10
02/09/2010 12:05 PM

Whistler, I think she's seen all types of pubic hair. She's one of the ones who's panties drop everytime you say you're wearing the tweed blazer with elbow patches.

Filly 27,151 11
02/09/2010 01:37 PM

Oh yeah. That's me. You should see how much trouble I get into in lecture halls.

KChiki - Still not Chi Chi! 50,414 11
02/09/2010 01:50 PM

Hey KChiki! I think you should come "investigate my house!"

Brown chicken, brown cow!

KChiki - Still not Chi Chi! 50,414 11
02/09/2010 05:10 PM

Also, I still don't know what this thread has to do with "Forty-six".

The Mailman 130,567 14
02/09/2010 05:13 PM

It's the number of words that Whistler's mentally-challenged child knows how to say.

Duke Ravos IV 34,260 10
02/10/2010 08:00 AM

I think the reason it is mentally challenged is from Whistler poking it in the head while it was still a fetus.