Last week I challenged my cat to outwit human fortune-tellers (Part 1). He ate instead of winning the Women's Open (Part 2), but knocked over the stock market for ten dollars (Part 3), before betting $50 on Super Bowl XLIV (Part 4) AND GETTING IT RIGHT!
More money than he knows what to do with. Or what it even is.
He made his feelings clearer than human language can convey when choosing between the Quarterbacks, affectionately nipping Brees while crumpling Peyton down the cat-crapper.
And we all know what happened then. The important question is: did Neutrino piss on his picture because he'd throw an interception, or did Peyton throw the interception because Neutrino pissed on the picture? We may never know. What I do know is I'm hiding all pictures of me in cat-proof locations.
The result, aside from the eternal insult to the honor of an armored 230 lb man (which I'm really hoping never becomes a factor in my life), was a $50 bet on the Saints. Or should I say a $90 PROFIT on the Saints!
But with wisdom comes a disdain for mere money. Look at that first image - I might as well have given Neutrino a tax bill, or roller-skates designed for a duck. No, he's wise enough to know that money gives no real joy -- you need to BUY THINGS for that!
He's going to hit the cream tonight!
With such wisdom comes generosity, as well as an inkling of "what's good for him." Which is why I interpreted his plaintive yowling in the morning as an earnest plea that I and Lady X should buy ourselves some small token of affection with the winnings.
Lady X knows exactly what happens with pictures of sexy ladies online, which is why you don't get her name. Or her beautiful features.
How did he know? (Also, note that my lovely features are absolutely free)
Conclusion:
I don't know how to say this without sounding like a dictionary connected to a random phrase generator: "NEUTRINO BETS ON SAINTS TO GIVE OWNER BRAVESTARR!" Even the National Enquirer would reject that headline as lunatic gibberish and it just happened. I suppose we also proved that a cat's litter box is a better indicator of the future than astrology, but if you needed to be told that, you weren't able to read this far anyway.
|
|
1,873 
5 
Share on your site: