From: George B. Zip
To: Blockbuster Customer Service
Date: Saturday, Feb 13 13:35:23
Subject: Important Library Request
Hello,
My name is George B. Zip and I have been renting videos from your store for a long time. I have come to expect an exceptional level of customer service from your store, and the down-home feel makes me think I'll be renting holo-discs (they will be coming after blu-Ray) long into the future. I hope you will be able to help me with my current situation.
I am in a heated disagreement with a man who looks like an actor in movies and TV box sets that you rent from your store. The other day on the bus a man with an eery resemblance to "Sopranos" actor Dominic Chianese accosted me. The encounter took place on the 18 bus, which I was riding for enjoyment purposes at 12:15 am on a Monday. I sat behind him and without prompting he turned around, questioned my masculinity and called me "Nancy." When I told him I was 100% man he challenged my claim by asking how many women I had been with. I said it depended on how he defined "with" and asked if hands counted. Then we got into an unrelated argument about chain pizza restaurants. He claimed Godfathers was the best and I maintained that Round Table always knocked my socks off. He said I was a "wiener boy" and that I was scared of Godfather's because of the way the mafia caricature pitchman aggressively screams "DO ITTTTTTTTTTT." I had no answer to his claim and he stared me down. We sat in silence for several tense moments. Then, just when I thought he was going to let me go, he screamed "DO ITTTTTTTTTTTT!"
I got off the bus in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. Dominic Chianese's doppelganger's voice rattled my brain. "DO ITTTTTTTTTT" it shrieked over and over. That, combined with my self diagnosed restless leg syndrome, led to a sleepless night. The next morning I went to your store to rent a video to take my mind off of my troubles. I grabbed Sidney Lumet's 1996 classic "Night Falls on Manhattan." I returned home and prepared for a night of movie fun by sitting in my underwear and eating Dots and Mike & Ikes. For the first time in hours it seemed like everything was going to be awesome.
But no. Dominic Chianese showed up in "Night Falls on Manhattan" and ruined everything. Now, in this movie he is a judge and not an old man making bizarre claims that "hands don't count," but it made me think...has this kind of trauma happened to anyone else? Has a woman who looks like character actress Martha Plimpton ever kidnapped a baby and then the woman who lost her baby is totally just trying to chillax and pops in 1999's ensemble comedy dud "200 Cigarettes" and then cries herself to sleep when the Plimp pops on screen? What if a nice young man got shot down asking out the secretary at his work who looks like perpetual rom-com best friend Judy Greer and decides to watch "The Wedding Planner" or "13 Going on 30"? It can be very disturbing to see an actor who looks like someone you're in a fight with.
Enough is enough. I kindly demand that you remove any movie or TV show that features Dominic Chianese from your shelves. This includes most episodes of "The Sopranos", especially the early ones, but I'll allow an exception for that last season episode that featured Miles from "Lost." That was pretty good and he messed with D.C. so it might empower me.
The following titles must also be removed from your shelves immediately:
10-years-too-late Neve Campbell nudie-flick "When Will I Be Loved"
"If Lucy Fell"
"Q&A"
"All the Presidents Men"
"Dog Day Afternoon"
and, unfortunately,
"The Godfather II"
Feel free to tell anyone who has a problem with you yanking Chianese off the racks to write me. I'm happy to answer any questions but I'm afraid this new policy is non-negotiable and needs to be put in place immediately.
Thanks again for your outstanding service and letting me borrow that VCR one time even though it seemed I had a dark purpose.
DO ITTTTTTTTTTT.
-George B. Zip
"DO ITTTTTT!"
From: Blockbuster Customer Service (Harold)
To: George B. Zip
Date: Saturday, Feb 13 14:53:12
Subject: Re: Incident - Important Library Request (200213-001) <<#8-533#>>
Hi George, Thank you for contacting Blockbuster Customer Care.?I understand you are requesting to remove the movies that stars "Dominic Chianese" in our Blockbuster shelves.
We take feedback and suggestions seriously and welcome them as a valuable tool needed to improve the quality of our service. However, we are unable remove movies that you have requested. The titles in our shelves are for all Blockbuster members. We will force to remove titles if they contains materials that did not meet the MPAA ratings. I suggest that you avoid movies that features the artist instead.
Should there be any additional concerns, please let us know and we will gladly assist you.???
Harold
Blockbuster Customer Care
"I suggest that you avoid movies that features the artist instead."
From: George B. Zip
To: Blockbuster Customer Service
Date: Saturday, Feb 13 20:09:05
Subject: Re: Re: Incident - Important Library Request (200213-001) <<#8-533#>>
Thank you for your prompt reply. It is appreciated. However, I mean, I got this reply pretty fast. Did you even check with anyone? Maybe if you asked your boss he'd understand. D.C. has really got me wigging tonight and it'd be nice to know he's not out there scaring anyone else. Do you have any celebs that you're afraid of? Sometimes when I'm alone and I think of James Woods I get the shakes, but it's not bad enough that I want you to remove his titles. Besides, sometimes I get lonely and I rent "The Specialist." I wouldn't want to take that away from anyone.
What if D.C. did something really bad? I remember when Janet Jackson exposed herself during the Superbowl some radio stations refused to play her. Maybe we could get something like that going here. Might help you score a promotion! Like I said before I'm just trying to help. Please remove D.C. today.
Thanks,
George
"I remember when Janet Jackson exposed herself during the Superbowl"
From: Blockbuster Customer Service (Adrian)
To: George B. Zip
Date: Feb 13, 2009 20:15:20
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Incident - Important Library Request (200213-001) <<#8-533#>>
Hi George,
I appreciate you taking the time to write us with your feedback and suggestions.
I'll make sure to forward your feedback to the appropriate department for review.
Should you have further questions, please let us know.
Adrian
Blockbuster Customer Care
---
From: George B. Zip
To: Blockbuster Customer Service
Date: Feb 13, 2009 20:44:43
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Incident - Important Library Request (200213-001) <<#8-533#>>
Hi Adrian,
Thanks! Was Harold fired because he didn't take care of this right away? I don't want that. I just want to make sure I can feel safe when I go to Blockbuster. I'm worried because earlier I was dealing with Harold. Is everything OK?
Regards,
George
"I just want to make sure I can feel safe when I go to Blockbuster"
From: George B. Zip
To: Blockbuster Customer Service
Date: Feb 13, 2009 21:05:40
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Incident - Important Library Request (200213-001) <<#8-533#>>
"Yo" Adrian,
I was just surfing the web site TMZ and there was a story about Dominic. It said he robbed a malt shop because he is old and was lost in time. He thought he was a little kid and wanted a malt. No one told him that malts don't exist anymore and that it's now called iced cream. I was shocked. I got ready to send the link to you but then there was a short message that the story was taken down because it was too controversial. Now even that is gone. D.C. has some pretty powerful friends. Let's keep an eye out for updates on this.
George
---
DENIED!
George B. Zip is a Seattle-based e-mail activist, and champion of human rights. His personal blog is available to read by invitation only.
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