Swept Away: a story of teenage stupidity.
A comedy article
by Mr.Coffee  881  10
02/26/2010 05:43 AM 621 views
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Like most, if not all good awkward naked stories, this one hails from high school. Well, just after high school, to be exact. It was the summer of '99, and my group of friends were having a summer party. Half of us were in college, half in high school, so plenty of youthful energy to go around.
What started as a dance party progressed into the old basement games of wink and the like. Eventually we went for a "walk" (see: "safety meeting"). After that we did what all young adults like to do and took our clothes off in the presence of the opposite sex.
I'll pause here to set the scene:
At this house (we'll call it Christian's house), we always had good parties, and usually ended up running around naked somewhere. Christian lived in a country club, with a long road leading into it. Part way down this was a rather nice fifteen foot wide creek that ran under the road in a large culvert. Being young, dumb, sober (hah), full of hormones, and naked, we saw nothing wrong with parking three cars along the side of the road at four in the morning to go skinny dipping. A significant bonus to this occasion was that my very hot friend Amy was along for the ride, so I was most certainly going to get to see her naked. This fact above all others assured me that nothing bad could happen.
So there we were, naked in the creek doing the naked in the creek thing, when we heard a car approach. Everyone rushed to the illusory security of the culvert, and proceeded to huddle naked and damply while we listened to the car approach, slow, and stop.
It was at this point when we heard the second most dreaded of sounds: a slamming car door, followed shortly by the most dreaded of sounds: the warbling cry of the pissed-off over-protective mother.
"AAA_DAAAAMM! Adam MIDDLE NAME last name! (ohh yeah, she used it). I know you're down there! now get your ass up here or I'll call the police!" Knowing his charge, Adam climbed the hill to face his adversary. (I think he had to go get a towel out of his car, so as to not, you know, be naked in front of his mom.)
Some back story is warranted here: Adam is a year older than I am. He was on his summer break after his freshman year of college, and had been having "independence issues" with his mother for a little while now, which resulted in the exasperated shutting off of his pager earlier on in the evening.
Back to the culvert...
After what felt like a century (though not an entirely unenjoyable century, as most girls are clingy when they're scared, regardless of clothing), We heard some rather elevated dialog coming from above us. Adam, in his betoweled birthday suit was steadfastly defending his right to be naked, in a culvert, at 4 am if he wanted to. After a few more minutes we heard "Mother, we'll talk about this tomorrow!" A short while later there was crunching of gravel, a slamming car door, and a slightly dryer adam coming back down to the hill to the stunned silence of all who cowered naked before him. The rest of the evening went on unhindered, and I returned to my home to sleep (Alone, Le Sigh...).
The next morning I was having breakfast (one is never too old for peanut butter crunch), when My mother came up to me with what can only be described as "the Shakespeare-eating-est of Shakespeare-eating grins".
"So" she said, "I take it you had a pretty good time last night...".
"Umm, yes..." I replied, "How do YOU know I had a good time last night?".
"Well, I woke up to a call from Adam's mom saying she hoped I was aware that her son was skinny dipping in a culvert on the side of the road at five in the morning..." said my mother, managing to smirk with the aforementioned grin (I think she's part reptile, only explanation).
"Ooooo...K..." I stammered out, "What did you tell her?".
"Well" my mom answered "I told her that he's eighteen now, and what he wants to do at five am is none of her damn business. But, next time, maybe don't skinny dip on the side of a road, ok?"
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
8 votes
3.2
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25 Comments on "Swept Away: a story of teenage stupidity."
(Funniest: Nachos,SHP,Fratberry) |
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.0
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SHP 181,795  70
02/26/2010 05:46 AM
This story is missing sex, drugs, alcohol, a hockey-mask wearing murderer, or a shower incident.
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0 votes
0.0
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WhyMi 3,549 12
02/26/2010 05:48 AM
and a major lack of funny.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.0
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Duke Ravos IV 63,472 21
02/26/2010 05:52 AM
Teenage wastelaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!
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Amusing
2 votes
1.0
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Madness 4,366 10
02/26/2010 05:52 AM
Wow...your mom sounds awesome.
Is she hot?
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Funny
8 votes
3.8
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Fratberry 283,051 53
02/26/2010 06:05 AM
"Swept Away: The last three minutes of my life"
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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WhyMi 3,549 12
02/26/2010 06:07 AM
Duke, soccermomed ya 'cause that was the song playing on my MP3 when i read your post.
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0 votes
0.0
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resartus 404 9
02/26/2010 01:12 PM
Isn't the last word in the title somewhat redundant?
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/26/2010 01:50 PM
What is this game called wink?
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Funny
7 votes
3.0
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Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/26/2010 02:12 PM
That story sucked. Tell it again, but this time with more explosions.
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Funny
8 votes
3.5
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Frogpop 173,153 25
02/26/2010 02:48 PM
the old basement games of wink and the like. Eventually we went for a "walk" (see: "safety meeting").
I can't understand a damn thing kids these days say. We must all sound like this to Whistler.
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0 votes
0.0
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ThirstyMcSurly, Zombie OBGYN 4,444 12
02/26/2010 03:29 PM
Yes, I too am curious about this "wink" game spoke of...
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Funny
6 votes
3.5
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/26/2010 03:37 PM
I have a twenty year old child, Froggie. And a television. I don't pay much attention to either one, but I have picked up the general gist of your hepcat jive lingo.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/26/2010 03:42 PM
Pics or it didn't happen.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054141097
Frozen Chickens Section 286,634 61
02/26/2010 11:44 PM
Amy should have gone up the hill with Adam and come back down with Adam's Mom to make this a real Gab story.
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
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Frozen Chickens Section 286,634 61
02/26/2010 11:46 PM
Or you should have been pounding away at Amy back in the culvert to send the sounds-o-luv echoing hollowly up to Adam's mom during the chewing out. That would have been good too.
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0 votes
0.0
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/27/2010 02:08 AM
It was the summer of '99
I was unable to read any further than that, due to the Bryan Adams song playing in my head.
I'll try to come back later after I've exorcised the demons.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.0
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WhyMi 3,549 12
02/27/2010 06:55 AM
Taco: A summary:
Some teens, house, no parents, alcohol involved, loss of clothing, ditch, neighbor, dumb story. The end.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Brubert 767 11
02/27/2010 09:21 AM
His mommy turned off his PAGER?? Was this 1899?
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0 votes
0.0
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ThirstyMcSurly, Zombie OBGYN 4,444 12
02/27/2010 11:45 AM
clearly reading is not your forte...
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
02/28/2010 10:58 PM
Amy should have gone up the hill with Adam and come back down with Adam's Mom step-dad to make this a real Gab story.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Nachos 57,521 23
02/28/2010 11:39 PM
This story is missing sex, drugs, alcohol, a hockey-mask wearing murderer, or a shower incident.
No story is ever missing a hockey-masked murderer, it's just that nobody knows he's there.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054141332
Frozen Chickens Section 286,634 61
03/01/2010 03:51 AM
I think the fact that they were swimming in a ditch makes the story worth reading in a white-trash-horror-story kind of way.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054141349
dinesh 24,862 16
03/01/2010 04:11 AM
Some teens, house, no parents, alcohol involved, loss of clothing, ditch, neighbor, dumb story. The end.
I am pretty sure this is from a Kid Rock song about being a Skynyrd fan.
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