Yeast Spread Taste Test, Part 4
A comedy article
by Clinton Nortje  344  6
02/26/2010 08:33 AM 1969 views
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I was taste-testing the most popular South African yeast extracts: Marmite, Bovril, and OXO [read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 here]. Now I would test them for their most important, or at least their funniest, quality: stickiness.
TEST #4: Adhesive Properties
I applied each extract to a poker chip and fastened it to a standard A4 piece of paper. The longer they stayed stuck to the paper, the more points they received; kind of like an immunity challenge for bread spread.
After the previous tests, the leaderboard was tight. With everything to play for, I carefully applied a fair coating of yeast to each of the poker chips. The pictures give a blow by blow account of how the "Stick Off" progressed:
OXO almost instantly dropped out -- this spread has the consistency of warm yoghurt.
Chilli Bovril was next to fall, which made for an exciting ending, as Chilli Bovril had comfortably dominated its competitors throughout. The game was on!
Bovril left shortly after, and while it had performed admirably, it never really threatened to take first place.
The duel was on between Marmite and Cheese Marmite. In fact, these two products could be viable as commercial adhesives, as well as being marketed to special needs children who keep eating the paste (although the paste probably tastes better).
They took so long to fall off that I thought I would make the challenge a little more exciting by adding a turbulence test.
Cheese Marmite could not withstand the rigours of the turbulence test, and the spoils went to Marmite (which should really be sent to NASA and tested in space).
While I do not believe there were any winners in this test, the final ratings are as follows:
Sadly as I was clearing the counter top, I caught a glimpse of the napkin I had used to clean the teaspoon between applications.
I will never eat a yeast spread again.
If you enjoyed Yeast Spread Taste Test, you might also enjoy Best Wines with Breakfast Cereal, in which we show you how to make your breakfast much more classy.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.4
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Pants 14,218  17
02/26/2010 10:39 AM
You kangaroo Frosters are crazy.
Nice article.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
02/26/2010 11:54 AM
You foreigners.
This being the tail end of Black History Month, and nothing else having been done on ZuG to honor that occasion, I will give you a little lesson that is basically the only thing a schoolchild from a predominantly white American community will take with them about Black history.
George Washington Carver, the illegitamate son of the father of our country,
shown here smoking from his favorite hookah, was born a slave in Arkansippisouri in 18something. He grew up in dire rural poverty, but discovered that he had a talent for music despite his congenital blindness and started a blues band with one Booker T. Washington. They achieved great success, culminating in their number one hit record Green Onions.
Anyway, somewhere along the line, Booker T., George, Steve and Duck got a wicked case of the munchies that nothing could seem to satisfy. George, who was something of an amateur chef, put a pound of peanuts into the group's Cuisinart, and voila! America had PEANUT BUTTER.
So, to make a long story short, there is no need for Marmite, Vegemite, Ox Spread or any of your other weird concoctions. Peter. Pan. (Jiff in a pinch).
That is all.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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peoriagrace 6,153 11
02/27/2010 11:32 AM
Whistler, you're a subtle and sly old fife.
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,153 11
03/02/2010 12:46 AM
Ya'll don't get it; that's ok. Subtlety is not your genre.
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