How To: Turn a Cubicle into a corner office with a view
A comedy article
by The Mailman  174,473  52
03/02/2010 04:43 AM 711 views
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Upgrading from your old cubicle to a large corner office with elegant furniture will boost your self-confidence and your sense of achievement.
You will need:
- Lots of ambition
- A taste for responsibilities
- A strong sense of accountability
- A Masters of Business Administration (MBA) from a respected program
- Robust managerial skills
- A solid professional network
- Respect from your colleagues and your managers
- Communication skills, both written and oral
- An up-to-date resume
- A tangible amount of ass-kissing talent
- Flawless references
- Willingness to step on a few toes, if need be
- An extensive contemporary wardrobe of dark, neutral colours
- A Blackberry smartphone
Instructions:
1. Create a self-development plan. Give yourself clear objectives and a timeline to reach those objectives.
2. Be the first to arrive at work in the morning and the last person to leave every evening.
3. Exploit every opportunity to meet with the C-level executives of your company.
4. Aggressively seek promotions and raises.
5. Actively look for greater responsibilities and assume them.
6. Carry out whatever you've been assigned to with undeniable success and make sure that you get all the credit for it (even if you were not working alone)
7. Brag about the results you've achieved. A LOT.
8. Find someone else to blame for your failures.
9. Develop and maintain contacts within your industry and make yourself visible.
10. Attend conferences in your field and write articles for specialized business magazines.
11. Get noticed by head hunters and executive recruiting agencies.
12. Get promoted to an executive position in your company (or alternately, receive a job offer for an executive position at your employer's competition)
13. Negociate your conditions.
14. Take the new job.
15. Say goodbye to your former cubicle neighbours and move your stuff to your new corner office (except the Dilbert comics. Throw those away).
Voila!
Now all you need to do is watch your back, because somewhere in the cubicle farm, there is an employee who is hoping to replace you eventually.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
20 votes
4.3
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Cyco Ivan 11,324  11
03/02/2010 07:11 AM
Ooooh, I don't know, that sounds like work. Can't I just use a power drill and a complete lack of respect for authority?
You'll have to get back to me on that. I have a meeting with the Bobs.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/02/2010 07:27 AM
Though I am a diligent and talented worker with an awesome degree and 20something years of corporate experience, I am still working out of a seven year old Ford station wagon, and I sometimes wondered why.
Now that I've read over that list of instructions, I understand completely. And I have no regrets. Thank you, Mailman.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Just Plain Jeeni 43,391 49
03/02/2010 03:18 PM
Best "how to" on Zug, EVAR!!
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