"Real women have..." A comedy conversation
by Cinderblock 27,522 24 03/02/2010 12:49 PM 473 views
As you may have figured out from Taco's open letter thread, I have a morbidly obese room mate. I love her, but... there's a lot of her to love. Like, a LOT. Give her five years, and she'll have a retarded son named Arnie and a brooding son named Gilbert. She's spherical. Anyway, she always says, "Real women have CURVES." This is definitely true, but when it comes from her, the sentiment makes me ill. It would be like if someone said, "There's more than one way to skin a cat," except they're actually holding the mutilated corpse of a cat. It's not the same.
So anyway, fellow internet denizens, what do YOU think? Finish the sentence:
Real women have tummies that resemble road maps, with all of the surgery scars and old stretch marks.
The smart women have sense enough to know that they should keep these battle scars hidden from public view.
The dumb women don't mind showing them off, as can be seen at any Wal-mart in the summer. There is a reason that halter tops shouldn't be made in plus sizes.
Real women have full-time jobs where they actually hold responsibility, have kids at home that they actually spend time with, hopefully have a good man at home that will fix things they otherwise could fix but let him do to make him feel important and still find time to be funny.
Bill's answer: Real women have part of my salary every month.
Mailman: Real women have a wide slot for his package.
Dogs: Real women have two rows of four dangling nipples.
BobJohnson: Real women have silicon as the basis of their basic structural and physiological biochemical functions. Not this carbon stuff.
Declan: Real women are named Liza, Cher, or Bette.
John Hargrave: Real women have a copy of Prank the Monkey, the Pulitzer prize-winning novel of the century.
MORM (Morbidly Obese Room Mate)just 'shopped and cropped her new facebook profile picture. She cropped it so that she looks deceptively thin. By the way, she likes to flirt with guys she doesn't know on facebook. FALSE ADVERTISING.
Real women have full-time jobs where they actually hold responsibility, have kids at home that they actually spend time with, hopefully have a good man at home that will fix things they otherwise could fix but let him do to make him feel important and still find time to be funny.
Aww, that's so cute that you're trying. When you're ready, though, I can share my recipes with you.
What, did you think I would be offended by that? I love to cook. Now take your sammich and get out of my damn kitchen before I beat you over the head with my cast iron skillet.
What, did you think I would be offended by that? I love to cook. Now take your sammich and get out of my damn kitchen before I beat you over the head with my cast iron skillet.
That deserves 5 orbs! And I was NOT trying to insult you...Just my lame attempt at humor.
As soon as the weather gets nice, I'm packing Bridget into the car and taking a trip up to Shelle's house for lunch. I can't tell you how long it's been since I ate a sandwich I didn't make myself.
Yes, my wife is hot, and she also has a great career going, but she can't cook for Shakespeare.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whistler P. McManus 03/04/2010 01:54 PM Meh. I bake a better pie than any broad I know who's still living.
Taking the icon into account, the gayest thing said here this day week month year lately.
Real women make a bitchin lasagna, buy his favorite pizza without being asked, and get the freedom to make the most awesomest sammiches- turkey, provolone, pastrami, brown mustard, mayo, baby spinach, purple lettuce because it's pretty, and pepper.
For a second I forgot whistler has a custom icon now, and I thought that he posted the picture of the pretty cake. I was going to call him a fag and something or other about wanting to blow AC's fife.
But it was Shelle who made the cake. And it is pretty. Sugar flowers are my favorite part of cakes.
...the nerve to Frost-ing email me about some new band that uses autotune, and try to get me to listen to it, after which I go off on her, despite the fact that she may or may not be a superproducer for a bunch of Shakespearety rap bands.
If she took my advice, she's now scaling a 5 story office building while she's on fire.
Real women do sweet, kind things without expecting anything in return, despite the fact that they usually make out like bandits because they're so awesome.
A real woman will visit you when you're sick and kiss you fully knowing that she could get what you have. Real women don't play keep-away with the remote, and are fully willing to be seen in public with you, even without makeup on.
But despite all of these things, a real woman will kick you in the nuts and call you on your bullShakespeare.
"Prammy!"
"NOT NOW! I'm on conference call with Richard Branson and Lars Ulruch about a collaboration for my next album!"
"It's time for your meds, Prammy."
And no, it wasn't on a toy phone. It was an email. Fischer-Price pull string phones do not have email or texting. They just have colorful stickers that peel off too easily and they're made of plastic known to contain lead.
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-bang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-bang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-bang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up the damn dosage
Store
27,522 
24 
66,695 
17
