Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/03/2010 11:22 PM

Sounds more like an advice cookie.

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/03/2010 11:23 PM

...in bed.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/03/2010 11:25 PM

"Do you always trust advice you get from junk food? Go taste the rainbow, dumbass."

Running with Scissors 3,510 12
03/03/2010 11:26 PM

"Funny Ha Ha on you Yankee Doodle Boy. Waiter pee in your egg drop soup."

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/03/2010 11:28 PM

"I hope you enjoyed your cookie, round-eye. I stirred the batter with my wang."

Sin an méid a dúirt sí 27,416 24
03/03/2010 11:35 PM

CAUTION: Do not eat.

Dogs Akimbo 211,612 32
03/03/2010 11:39 PM

"Whistler thinks you're a retard."

Melancholia ~Grim Grin ! 772 9
03/03/2010 11:41 PM

Expiry date 03/02/1980

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/03/2010 11:47 PM

"Ingredients: flour, sugar, vanilla, oil, people"

BillSalamie 67,060 13
03/03/2010 11:51 PM

You will soon have lucky happy diarrhea.

Running with Scissors 3,510 12
03/03/2010 11:58 PM

This is an actual quote from a fortune cookie I once got.

"Idleness is the holiday of fools."

resartus 404 9
03/03/2010 11:59 PM

Supposedly this was real:
"Psychics will lead dogs to your body."

Midgets 96,151 48
03/04/2010 12:01 AM

Too many earthquakes! You fat Frosters need to lose some weight.




That being said, what's a fortune cookie?

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 12:04 AM

"May contain sodium benzoate...

...that's bad."

Melancholia ~Grim Grin ! 772 9
03/04/2010 12:09 AM

So does Uranium ore have any after taste?

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
03/04/2010 12:15 AM

Behind you!
(to freak them out)
Will you marry me?
(to freak out who they're eating with)

Cyco Ivan 11,330 11
03/04/2010 12:18 AM

SUPPLIES!

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 12:20 AM

"Email this message to your 50 closest friends, and your highschool crush will kiss you at midnight. If you don't, you'll be unhappy forever and get hit by a tractor in your living room."

Cyco Ivan 11,330 11
03/04/2010 12:42 AM

Caution: May contain lead

Cyco Ivan 11,330 11
03/04/2010 02:48 AM

MSG is a secret Chinese Commie mind control agent. Enjoy.

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 02:52 AM

"You know your cat that ran away? You just ate him."

Frozen Chickens Section 286,634 61
03/04/2010 03:39 AM

Fact: Fortune cookies were not invented in China, but rather California. Also, the Chinese are unaware of them in general.

Also, black bears are best.

Dianada 57,835 109
03/04/2010 03:41 AM

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Pants 14,252 17
03/04/2010 03:50 AM

"20% off on all Spade and Neutering during you nezt visit."

dasypygal-unwaxed 14,803 17
03/04/2010 04:04 AM

"Congratulations! You've just won the cookbook: 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog!"

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
03/04/2010 04:46 AM

I thought this thread was about me.

Humpfh!

BillSalamie 67,060 13
03/04/2010 04:47 AM

Because people think it's a good idea to eat you, but then realize it wasn't a very good idea?

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 04:58 AM

Because you dispense useless advice?

MungChamp 35,891 35
03/04/2010 05:06 AM

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.



Lucky Numbers: 42, 69

KCheeky Monkey 128,446 98
03/04/2010 06:59 AM

"You will soon become $8.95 poorer...$6.95 if you had the buffet."

"If you reach old age, it will be a testament to the self restraint of those around you."

Frozen Chickens Section 286,634 61
03/04/2010 07:02 AM

You were the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title too, Ms. Chance.

KCheeky Monkey 128,446 98
03/04/2010 07:04 AM

Me three.

Thud 68,517 19
03/04/2010 07:09 AM

Four.

Taco Crunch: it's got electrolytes 61,976 36
03/04/2010 08:32 AM

Five.

Barney T Dinosaur 2,612 19
03/04/2010 09:02 AM

42

Slurpy Sammich ! 772 9
03/04/2010 09:36 AM

Don't worry no one saw you fart

Sin an méid a dúirt sí 27,416 24
03/04/2010 09:41 AM

"See you in an hour"

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 10:36 PM

"Can you guess the secret ingredient? We can't!"

Running with Scissors 3,510 12 "Can you guess the secret ingredient? We can't!"
03/04/2010 10:39 PM

"Its an ancient Chinese secret. Calgon."

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 10:42 PM

"The cookie was also cursed. But it comes with your free choice of topping!"

The Write Straw 98,023 37
03/04/2010 10:44 PM

"Do I look like Nostradamus to you? Eat your damn cookie."

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 10:46 PM

"Congrats, you've got Hep B! Guess you should have read this before eating the cookie, huh?"

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
03/04/2010 11:32 PM

You do not "spade" an animal. You spay it. The past tense would be spayed. Ergo, please spay or neuter your new cats. I have had my dog spayed already.

Even worse is when someone uses "spaded" as the past tense of spay.





Sorry. It's a pet peeve. And I'm on a campaign against the tarding up of ZuG.


As far as fortune cookies go, how about this: "You think all Asians are wise, inscrutable mystics? Stupid racist roundeye."

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/04/2010 11:46 PM

Sorry. It's a pet peeve.

You're damn right it is. I can't imagine the cats and dogs are terribly thrilled.

Cmacker 5,303 10
03/04/2010 11:47 PM

They say your fortune only comes true if someone else chooses the cookie and hands it to you.

I had Chinese with a co-worker a while back and explained this, and made a big deal about insisting he choose my cookie. I gave him the other one. Mine said, "You will receive new clothes." His read, "You will find happiness."

That same day I got home and found a package addressed to me outside my door. Inside there were lots of new clothes. Granted, they were a very belated and unexpected birthday gift for my daughter, but I thought, "Wow, what a Frost-ing awesome coincidence."

Later I hit a streak of very bad luck. My husband left, my father had a failed bypass, I managed to get myself arrested, I got laid off from work, etc, etc.

Things are much better now, though I still have to go to court. But clearly they'll have to throw out my case because that dumbass gave me the wrong cookie.