Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 12:05 PM

This is the only pic I can find on the computer of her.

This is cleaned up for her, after all it's Christmas, so she washed her hair. got it cut and hosed off her stank. And as you can see, put on her Sunday best.

Thud 68,525 19
03/07/2010 12:13 PM

So, you're asking for advice on how to score with her?














Or did I miss the point?

Irish Midgets 96,151 48
03/07/2010 12:15 PM

This article is brought to you by www.peopleofwalmart.com.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 12:33 PM

www.peopleofwalmart.com.



Oh, she love the WalMart. She love it long time.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17 Throws up in mouth a little
03/07/2010 12:36 PM

So, you're asking for advice on how to score with her?


Oh God no!

I wouldnt Frost her with your dick a stolen dick Prof. Frostsocks dick any dick.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/07/2010 12:37 PM

she needed money to get him sown up.

They stuck seeds in his wounds?

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 12:37 PM

And thats saying a lot, because I'd hit just about anything.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 12:37 PM

And thats saying a lot, because I'd hit just about anything once.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/07/2010 12:37 PM

My crazy aunt still sounds a little more crazy than this. For example this is the woman who disowned her family for two years (no one was really sad, and those were the best two years in terms of family get togethers) because we would not use paper plates for Christmas dinner.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 12:41 PM

They stuck seeds in his wounds?

Yes, yes they did.


This is him today...

Irish Midgets 96,151 48
03/07/2010 01:03 PM

Disclaimer: Not Funny!!

I do feel sorry for you.
My first wife had an aunt who stayed with us for 3 months.
I had to gut and refinish her room because no amount of cleaning could eleminate the pot,stank,old beer smell she left behind.

resartus 404 9
03/07/2010 01:21 PM

Get her some Hibiclens from Walmart and tell her it's what dermatologists recommend for people who can't use deodorant (I know because I got chemical burns under both arms from deodorant once and had to go to the dermatologist). You could also get her a Thai deodorant stone from online. It does the same thing as deodorant but it shouldn't cause an allergic reaction. Those might help some.

You might also check to see if she is allergic to cron starch, since corn starch powder is sold online as an antiperspirant. It seems to work alright.

resartus 404 9
03/07/2010 01:31 PM

First: corn starch, not cron starch

Second: as long as you don't leave hibiclens on the body too long it can be used as soap since it is antibacterial.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
03/07/2010 01:46 PM

Or you could just be a man and ban her from your house and your presence.

Filly - waxed 39,193 20
03/07/2010 02:02 PM

Yeah, but it's Shemp.

resartus 404 9
03/07/2010 02:12 PM

Mr McManus,

1. I was suggesting steps he could try before banning her from the house so that he can tell his wife, "Hey, I tried", and hopefully reduce the amount of time that she is pissed off at him for banning her aunt from the house.

2. I just realized that you have the same last name as my favorite outdoor humorist. However, that has nothing to do with this thread.

Resartus

Humphrey 51,764 12
03/07/2010 02:19 PM

You had me at 'stank'....

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/07/2010 05:01 PM

Yeah, but it's Shemp


I'd ban her from existance if I could. But sadly the wifey and I are staying in my Mother-in-law's house to take care of her because she is really sick.

And my mother-in-law wont tell her stink-ass sister anything that may upset her.

She wouldnt even tell her not to smoke in her house. No one else is allowed to smoke in here. And I've got COPD. And the bitch still smoked cigarette after cigarette. My wife had to fight with her just to get her to smoke in the furthest room from mine in the house.

I'd like to palm the back of her head and introduce it to a desk.

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/07/2010 10:24 PM

I had to gut and refinish her room because no amount of cleaning could eleminate the pot,stank,old beer smell she left behind.

dasypygal-unwaxed 14,803 17
03/08/2010 02:24 AM

but I know she whips out her dentures and slobs on those nobs for cash.


Nothing like a good entrepreneurial spirit!

The Write Straw 98,023 37
03/08/2010 03:19 AM

It's cute how Resartus is trying to help come up with a solution to this woman's deoderant allergy as if it is real and she's not bat Shakespeare insane.

resartus 404 9
03/08/2010 04:25 AM

Actually, I'm suggesting things that there's basically no chance that she could be allergic to provide an alternative that if she refuses to try, then she looks bad to everyone else who will see that she's not even interested in being clean, which might get the people who won't do anything about her to realize that she is just nasty and that something needs to be done. If she does try it, then the problem isn't as bad.

Alternatively, he could just look up the additives in her cigarettes and find something that she claims to be allergic to in those as proof that she's lying.

Basically, my suggestions are meant to help him build a case to present to the rest of the family if he does decide to take action.

KCheeky Monkey 128,446 98
03/08/2010 05:18 AM

Why is that tree-man wearing a GAP shirt?

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/08/2010 05:33 AM

The woodpeckers made it.

The High Priestess 58,981 29
03/08/2010 05:44 AM

The men are morons for believing her, but she is taking them for all they got -Social Security, pensions, retirement funds, you name it.

She must teach me all she knows. And with my superior hygiene I wouldn't have to service Vietnam amputee veterans like she does; I could get me a Gulf War amputee vet!

peoriagrace 6,166 11
03/08/2010 06:50 AM

Shemp, come on! Man up. Make leaving her idea. Eat a solid diet of beans, cabbage and beer. Also if you are the only man in the house; you should be the man and not alow her to behave badly. I don't care if it is your mother in-laws house. I have to say your wife isn't exactly being a great mom to allow someone like this to be around her kids. Believe me I know what a crazy sister is like, I don't put up with crap from her.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/08/2010 09:19 AM

We've got no kids.


And my mother-in-law is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off her back. She'd give her last morsel of food to anyone. So she basically lets her sister run rough shot all over her.

Years ago Mom-in-law finally had enough and pushed Aunt Sh1tley down some stairs. But as far as I know that's the only time she ever stood up to her.

Mom-in-law is in very bad health so we try to keep stress levels to a minimum, and any confronting of Shakespeareley will cause her stress. Because Sh1tley will make sure it does. I was told that once when Shakespeareley didnt get her way, she went outside with a couple gallons of paint, and threw it all over Mom-in-laws car.

Shakespeareley really just needs to die.


PS - Her name is Aunt Shirley, but while typing it, I hit a T instead of an R. And Sh1tley just fits her so well.

Thud 68,525 19
03/08/2010 09:25 AM

If you really think she needs to die then kill her. Blame it on the voices from the Internet. That will probably get you a padded cell.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/08/2010 09:33 AM

Aunt Sh1tley has 4 children. Two from a man named Bill who divorced her 40 years ago but they are back together now and 2 from a man named Jack who died when he fell off a crain.

There are two boys and two girls.

Christie the oldest is a bull dyke lesbian. She looks, talks, and acts just like a man.

The next is Dave, he is your typicall Nascar loving, red neck who has no understanding of other peoples feelings. He is currently working on his 3rd marrage.

Bubba is next. He currently is doing 9 years in prison, for conterfiting and possesion of illegal fire arms and explosives. He is a loner and a white supremacist, who I believe will end up atop a clock tower one day with a high powered weapon, picking off people.

Amy is the youngest, she also is a lesbian. And she also is in prison for conterfitting. She only got 2 and 1/2 years.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/08/2010 09:36 AM

She must teach me all she knows. And with my superior hygiene I wouldn't have to service Vietnam amputee veterans like she does; I could get me a Gulf War amputee vet!



She currently has one man who thinks she, my wifey, and I are here undercover for the Florida FBI. I dont know the whole story, I dont want to know. But some how, every month this man hands her $1300.

Shemping at the heliopause 22,222 17
03/08/2010 09:37 AM

I forgot to mention, that man lives in an RV down by the river.



Fo' true.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
03/08/2010 12:57 PM

We've got no kids. Oops, sorry. I'll just be over shutin up.

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/08/2010 10:13 PM

Sh1tley just fits her so well.

I'd add a 2 instead of the 1. Afterall, it is more fitting of such a Shakespearety person.

Dance Commander Ravos 63,472 21
03/08/2010 10:13 PM

And as if somebody actually named their kid "Bubba".

resartus 404 9
03/09/2010 03:11 AM

And as if somebody actually named their kid "Bubba".

There are places where that's a respectable name. Well, as long as you never leave those places.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/09/2010 03:32 AM

man named Jack who died when he fell off a crain.

Whats a crain?
























I know he probably meant crane but still....