A lesson in anger management, using liquid soap
A comedy article
by The Mailman  174,473  52
03/11/2010 02:55 AM 693 views
|
|
Yesterday was a bad day at work for me, for various reasons that need not be detailed here. My frustration progressively built up during the course of the day and by 4:00 PM, I was visibly angry to anyone who crossed me in the corridor. Fortunately, due to some big changes happening currently at my company, most of my colleagues have already moved to another floor. As a result, not many people had to endure my foul mood, but those who did are probably going to avoid me for the next couple of weeks and say things about me behind my back.
Not that I care much anyway: due to the aforementioned changes, I am being transferred to a new department and will soon start working with an entirely different group of people. Speaking of which, I was scheduled to attend a meeting at 4:15 PM to learn about the changes in the company and more specifically, about the new department I am being transferred to. I figured the meeting was a good way to end the day, because it was an opportunity to break the ice with several of my new colleagues. These are all people whom I barely know and haven't had the chance interact with yet, so I was counting on the meeting to put my mind to something different and calm me down.
I made a stop to the bathroom on my way to the meeting. I walked over to the sink to wash my hands: one hand on the soap dispenser, the other hand open under the pump to collect the soap in my palm, and a still very angry state of mind. In one of those futile moments of rage, I hit the pump hard instead of just pressing down gently. I hit it so hard that a glob of liquid soap shot out of the dispenser, ricocheted off of my hand and landed square on the crotch area of my pants. The texture of the soap made it look like I had just, pardon my French, jizzed in my pants. Or even worse, that someone else had jizzed on them.
I could have inserted the picture of a penis-shaped soap dispenser that I found on Google Images, which would have been a nice illustration for the above paragraph, but it would not have been safe for work. Instead, I am inserting a photo of a soap dispenser that looks exactly like the one in my office. This picture is safe for work, even though it has now been established that the soap dispenser itself isn't.
Small mishaps like that are exactly the kind that can turn my mood around in an instant. Not only did this not make me angrier, but it actually made me smile. Somehow, the thought of showing up in a meeting with my future colleagues, whom I still barely know, sporting a suspicious stain on my crotch, was very amusing to me. After all, it's not every day that you get to make that kind of a first impression.
Nonetheless, I grabbed a few paper towels to wipe the soap off of my pants, and used some water to clean the rest off. I had to use a fair amount of water, because at first, the water made the situation worse by causing the soap to foam and making the stain even more visible than it already was. My pants went from looking like I had had a wet dream to looking like I had wet the bed.
Considering the circumstances, I am not sure which is worse.
By the time I arrived to the meeting, most people were already sitting at the table. My mood was a lot better than it was fifteen minutes earlier. The big stain on my pants did not bother me; as a matter of fact, it amused me that several people glanced over my wet pants as I entered. They looked embarrassed for me, while I was almost beaming with joie de vivre, when I should have been the one embarrassed.
The meeting went well. It was past 6:00 PM when it ended; people were eager to go home, so I did not get to socialize with my new colleagues after all. It's too bad, because my pants had had time to get dry in the meantime. Still, because of my entrance, I imagine that some of them must be worried at the idea of working with me. At the very least, they too, are probably going to avoid me for the next couple of weeks and say things about me behind my back.
|
|
|
Like This? Rate It!
|
|
Hilarious
32 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143399
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Funny
6 votes
3.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143441
Bill the Squirrel 53,130  53
03/11/2010 04:27 AM
Mailman,
Your upbeat, funny, style of explaining the way you handled a bad day, really pisses off us surly, unfunny asshats who can't handle a stressful situation.
Bill the Squirrel
p.s. Great article.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
3 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143526
Shell Belle 76,640 24
03/11/2010 06:44 AM
How you doin', Foamy Pants?*
*I wanted to bump this for you, 'cause it's funny, but couldn't think of anything else to say.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
6 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143608
Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/11/2010 01:10 PM
I'll jizz on your pants any day, Frenchie.
joie de vivre
Just take it a little easy on the parlay-voo. Some of us have a hard enough time with English.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
2 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143676
SHP 181,276 70
03/12/2010 01:53 AM
I'll jizz on your pants any day, Frenchie.
Everything I ever thought I knew about the relative gayness of the McManus brothers has just been shot to hell.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
9 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143677
Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Zolton 87,649 31
03/12/2010 02:02 AM
I think you'd have made a truly lasting first impression if you'd walked into the meeting room with the original stain and loudly proclaimed:
'I think it goes without saying just how happy I am to be here.'
It's unlikely anyone on your new team would shake your hand, ever, but sometimes that's the price for a grand entrance.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
1 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054143692
dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
03/12/2010 03:38 AM
Even though your pants had dried, I bet it still left a ring.
|
|
|
|
Store