Dragon Dictation Prank
A comedy conversation
by Big Irish Chickens  282,028  58
03/12/2010 12:12 AM 125 views
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Chickens personality One: helpful, concerned about his fellow man, willing to reach out to his neighbor, blah blah
Chickens personality Two: Loves sick twisted humor
They have never met. Occasionally one becomes aware of the other, however, usually with muffled giggles and veiled threats.
That brings us up to yesterday. There is a couple Hen and I know who need help. Lots of help. First off we're helping them with some financial counseling just so they don't end up in the streets. Then yesterday they admitted to another serious problem. He has always had hearing problems, but has recently gone completely deaf. Double whammy for them is now she is going blind. Their sole means of communication for some time now is her writing out notes to him. Soon she will lose that.
She asks us if we know of any dictation machines that will convert speech to text so they can keep in touch. I do a bit of research and find Dragon Dictation, a program that runs from $99 to $350 but does that very thing over your computer. Also, it turns out there's and app for that so they may end up going the iphone route for the portability factor.
At which point Chicken's II starts giggling in the background. I cold barely keep him in check. CH II thinks, what can be programmed can be hacked. Wonder how hard it would be to change the phrases around a bit?
"I really need to pee." could come out "Time to lick the bean, Studmuffin."
"I'm starving" could come out "I'm fat as a pig. Never let me eat again."
Please help by filling out my dragon lexicon. Go.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
8 votes
3.3
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Irish Midgets 93,936  47
03/12/2010 12:26 AM
"It's time to go to Chickens for our counseling, dear" could come out "I'm leaving you for Chickens. His Coleridge is huge. He's also better with a gun than you. Just try to stop me you deaf, dumb bastard!"
Hillarity and problem solved.
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Funny
8 votes
3.9
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The Mailman 174,473 52
03/12/2010 12:28 AM
"I love you" could come out "Can you hear me now?"
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/12/2010 12:29 AM
Chickens personality One: helpful, concerned about his fellow man,
Never heard of him.
By the way, being blind doesn't mean you can't write. Or type. A crash course in touch typing might be in order. There's also sign language, which blind people can certainly learn.
As far as your request goes, this old chestnut is a personal favorite:
Her: "Please pass the sugar."
Translation: "You ruined my life, you Frost-ing deaf bastard."
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
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notsoBig Irish Phla 130,632 34
03/12/2010 12:38 AM
This feels like the SATs. Did anyone else just break their brain trying to figure this out? What they need is a German speaking mime to interpretive dance their conversations.
Also change "exit only" to "welcome!"
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Funny
6 votes
3.3
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Big Irish Guy 203,777 21
03/12/2010 12:56 AM
He needs to learn how to speak braille.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Big Irish Guy 203,777 21
03/12/2010 01:05 AM
Also, my girlfriend's brother-in-law showed up with a handle of Captain Morgan's last night. Having left-overs this morning might not have been the best idea.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Zolton 87,649 31
03/12/2010 02:06 AM
"He has always had hearing problems, but has recently gone completely deaf. Double whammy for them is now she is going blind."
On the bright side, they should both enjoy the sex a lot more now.
And so long as you translate something important like, say, 'The kitchen is on fire!' into 'My hovercraft is full of eels,' I think you're doing just fine.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.8
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dasypygal-unwaxed 12,075 15
03/12/2010 03:34 AM
What are we having for dinner? translated to How 'bout a dick sammich?
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.7
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/12/2010 02:09 PM
This story reminded me of my grandparents. My grandmother had a stroke when I was still a baby, and she never recovered the ability to speak. Then about 20 years later, my grandfather lost his hearing. Another 10 years after that and my grandfather finally realized that my grandmother had gone senile when she took a Shakespeare in a roasting pan.
I miss them.
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