Laffy Taffy Wrappers: No Laughing Matter
A comedy article
by cokebabies  1,375  13
03/12/2010 04:54 AM 1156 views
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So I am sitting at work, eating Laffy Taffy. I have no problems with Laffy Taffy. At the same time, it is certainly one of the weaker mass produced taffy products. If Airheads count as taffy (and I don't think they do), I certainly give them the nod for best in show. If Airheads are disqualified, then Tangy Taffy takes the prize.
Tangy Taffy used to be separate from Laffy Taffy, but now they are produced under the Laffy Taffy name. I don't know what happened, I'm assuming whoever used to make Laffy Taffy was crushed in Wonka's iron fist, but I'm not going to research the details. But since watermelon Laffy Taffy is so much different and so much better than all the other flavors, the distinction must be made. Watermelon shouldn't have to slum with the rest of the Laffy rabble.
The watermelon Tangy Taffy with the chocolate chip seeds is like manna from Heaven. Except instead of being bland manna, it is instead a delicious, somewhat chewy and somewhat tough treat that is the candy equivalent to eating the middle of a Friendly's Wattamelon Roll. So watermelon Tangy Taffy has just been proven to actually be better than manna from Heaven. I expect this article to get cited in some sort of History Channel documentary in the coming weeks.
That said, a good flavor of Laffy Taffy is always enjoyable. However, to discuss the taste of Laffy Taffy is to miss the point. It's all about the wrapper.
I often compare bad humor to a Laffy Taffy wrapper. The reason for this is, shockingly, because the jokes on Laffy Taffy wrappers tend to be terrible. I can't even imagine laughing at these jokes as a child. I assume my response to reading one of those gut busters would be, "... Oh."
I enjoy Laffy Taffy wrappers for both the ironic approach of appreciating the awful jokes, as well as the opportunity to figure out the punch line. I don't have the patience for crossword puzzles, and word searches always seemed like rote busywork, so this is one of the better low-tech ways I have found to kill time.
Imagine my surprise when what I thought would be a routine Laffy Taffy eating experience turned into a mind blowing experience that shook me to my core.
While the first question wasn't that out of the ordinary, I wasn't able to answer it. I tried thinking of farm related words that could be used in a humorous way to describe a farmer, and no amount of homonyms seemed to do the trick.
Oh, very clever, Tara K. You fooled me with a pun that relied on an incorrectly spelled key word. Fair play, I suppose.
It was the second question that created the whirlwind of chaos.
I tried thinking of different music-related reasons for someone being missing. He was fiddling around? He tuned out? I even stretched and went with, He never came Bach.
Eventually, I realized I couldn't find an answer I was satisfied with, so I peeked at the answer:
WHAT... THE... HELL?
I only sort of know that name, however I could never tell you his name from memory. Even still, how is ANY child supposed to get that reference, let alone offer it up as an answer? Besides, John S. you jerk, you had to spell Joseph Haydn's name wrong just to make your joke work.
John S. is either some sort of savant child, or just some grown up weirdo sending in questions to see your partial name on a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Which I can't really fault doing.
I don't even have anything much to say about the answer, what is there to say? That is quite possible the most obscure reference I have ever seen in a joke. Most certainly the most obscure reference in a joke aimed at children.
Other obscure references would be acceptable. A joke relying on knowing the secret identity of Moon Knight is understandable. Even a play on words involving one of the middle group of presidents that everyone always forgets would work. I'll give credit to any child that can pick Mozart out of a lineup of three paintings, or can name any of his works. But I refuse to believe that any child could name the father of the symphony off the top of their head.
It's never a good day when you realize it's a struggle just to stay mentally on par with a candy wrapper.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
17 votes
4.2
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Big Irish Chickens 282,028  58
03/12/2010 05:38 AM
Topps ought to sue Nestle' for stealing their schtick.
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Funny
7 votes
3.7
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SHP 181,276 70
03/12/2010 05:47 AM
Banana Laffy Taffy is the best thing I ever put in my mouth.
Those of you who wish to dispute that claim by offering up your genitals,the line forms to the left good luck with all that.
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0 votes
0.0
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cokebabies 1,375 13
03/12/2010 05:50 AM
That's a bold claim, SHP. Banana is up there on the Polarizing Candy Flavors list, probably in the top three amongst black licorice and green apple.
(I fall firmly in the anti-banana flavor camp, with some exceptions (the pudding in banana cream pie, primarily).
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0 votes
0.0
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Little Irish Midgets 93,936 47
03/12/2010 05:57 AM
Well thought out, original, not a how-to.
Nice work.
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0 votes
0.0
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Kiss me I'm Cyco Irish 11,324 11
03/12/2010 07:12 AM
"Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?"
I would have gone with because he was Chopin out Bach. It's equally obscure and terrible.
Also, banana Laffy Taffy is the bomb. When my kids go trick or treating I take all of them out for me. They are my preciouses.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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notsoBig Irish Phla 130,632 34
03/12/2010 08:02 AM
I must say, I did not hate this, which is as positive as I'm willing to go on rating articles these days.
Next week: Do Bazooka Joe wrapper fortunes really tell the future?
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Sin an méid a dúirt sí 26,020 24
03/12/2010 08:19 AM
This is in no way related to this thread whatsoever, Phla's new alias makes me miss the playful banter her and BIG used to do once in a while.
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0 votes
0.0
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Pants 14,218 17
03/12/2010 12:25 PM
Ewwww. Are you some sort of voyeur?
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0 votes
0.0
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Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
03/13/2010 03:27 AM
"A one legged man always looks like he's come a long way to tell you something important. Listen! It's slippery outside! He's got information. A one toothed man doesn't know anything. What does he know? Uhh... Taffy is delicious..."
- Dave Attell
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/13/2010 10:42 AM
But I refuse to believe that any child could name the father of the symphony off the top of their head.
Hello?
Incidentally, Haydn was not Mozart's teacher. They were contemporaries, and supposedly friends. Haydn was, however, Beethoven's teacher. Another interesting fact about Haydn is that after his death and burial, his grave was dug up and his head was stolen. I kid you not.
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
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Riochtán Tástála Tuairte 3,671 9 skips through the thread singing
03/13/2010 11:53 AM
Haydn, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes...
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