And now the link:
http://notalwaysright.com/

Wokka Rokka Ravos 62,361 20
03/15/2010 01:17 AM

Oh for Frost sakes.

Wokka Rokka Ravos 62,361 20
03/15/2010 01:21 AM

Customer: Excuse me! Hey I need to buy a perfume!

Me: Alright, what kind of fragrance were you looking for?

Customer: No, you aren't listening. I need to buy a perfume and I don't see them anywhere. You're supposed to sell perfume here!

Me: Well, there are a large selection of perfumes on every shelf in the store.

Customer: Where?

Me: Everywhere.

Customer: But I don't see them!

Me: If that's true, then I'm not sure how I can help you.

Kiss me I'm Cyco Irish 11,324 11
03/15/2010 01:39 AM

Truth be told, she was probably half blind from all the Emerson perfume spraying idiots in the store trying to sell you on the fragrance.

Sorry but if I wanted to smell like Elizabeth Taylor's twat, I'd marry her. I hear it's not hard to do.

Alarm Clock 6,338 4
03/15/2010 02:10 AM

My friend telling my dad about his deer lease a while back:

Kevin: Yeah, it's beautiful out there.

Dad: How long's it take to get there?

Kevin: Well, starting from... Starting from here... You know where you live right?

Almost a full minute of silence while they are watched like they are about to have a showdown.

Dad: (finally) Yeah, Kevin, I do.

CyberShamrock 916 8
03/15/2010 10:02 AM

From the website:
(In Nebraska, Husker football games are a really big deal. Nearly everyone wears red Husker shirts.)

Customer: "How come you aren't wearing a Husker shirt?"

Me: "Well, we have to wear our work uniforms so people know who to ask for help."

Customer: "That's practically un-American!"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Customer: "Are you a communist?"

Me: "You're the one wearing red, sir."


Please note that this is not actually my experience.

Big Irish Priestess 58,196 29
03/15/2010 10:58 AM

Here is a personal experiance:

Me: And here is your recipt ma'am.

Her: This isn't right! You charges me to much! (We compare the prices on the shirts to the recipt)

Me: And that's what I charged you.

Her: What's this then? (her pointing to the tax on the reciept)

Me: That's the sales tax.

Her: There's no such thing as sales tax!

Me: Yes there is, in Florida there is a 6.5% sales tax.

Her: Oh. Well can you take it off? I'm not a resident so I don't want to pay it.

Kiss me I'm Cyco Irish 11,324 11
03/15/2010 11:13 AM

[My own personal experience]

Customer: I'm getting a weird error when I go into Outlook
Me: What does it say?
Customer: You have lost your connection to your personal folder. Please restart Outlook.
Me: Sooooooooo, have you restarted Outlook?
Customer: You mean like exit out and log back in?
Me: Ayuh
Customer (logs back in): Oh my God that worked! How did you know what to do?
Me: You just have to speak their language.
Customer: You can talk with computers?! Like the Ghost Whisperer but with computers?!
Me (facepalms): Yes, I can talk with computers. Good bye.

Small Swedish Pram 78,176 40
03/15/2010 11:15 AM

Ravos-

Customer: "Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there".

Big Irish Priestess 58,196 29
03/15/2010 11:23 AM

(from the site)

Me: How are you today sir?,

Customer: Ahhhhh well, I'm pretty good now!,

Me: Now?

Customer: I've just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!,

Me: That's nice,

(The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They're unaware of the previous conversation.)

Another customer: Can you smell something? Do you think it's the meat? Does it smell off to you?,

Me: No, miss. I don't think it's the meat.,

Sin an méid a dúirt sí 26,020 24
03/15/2010 12:06 PM

I love that site, been reading it for years. Here's one of my favorites:

Supermarket | Manchester, UK

Me: Hello sir, how can I help?

Customer: I want to make a complaint about the lady who just served my wife. She is 8 months pregnant. When she came to pay, the checkout girl didn't offer to help with the packing. She let my wife struggle!

Me: I'm really sorry. It's store policy to ask if the customer needs help with the packing. Do you have the receipt so I can see who served her?

(I walk over to the till and show the checkout girl the receipt. She explains what happened. I return to the customer.)

Me: Hi sir, the checkout girl explained that your wife was on her phone at the till. She asked a few times if she needed help packing but she didn't answer. I'm confident we did all we could to help.

Customer: Well, that's not good enough. I want some money back on the shopping for the poor service. My wife is pregnant and in a lot of pain and had to struggle on her own. No one helped her.

Me: This receipt is from a few minutes ago. Can I ask where you were?

Customer: I sat in the car waiting for her to come back. What's that got to do with anything?

Small Swedish Pram 78,176 40
03/15/2010 01:02 PM

Customer: How come you're checking my ID?
Me: I have to.
Customer: You card me every time I come in. This is bullShakespeare, and I'm going to talk to your boss.
Me: My boss tells me to card you.
Customer: You're supposed to remember your customers.
Me: We have stings and secret shoppers, and I don't know who. All I do know, is that I get a FREE SHIRT if I pass muster. Also, I'm on about 3000ml of guarana, and lack an attention span, so I am not going to remember you if I don't look at you for more than a fraction of a second.
Customer: Don't card me anymore.
Me: How old is the person in your car?
Customer: 17, but she's not with me.
Me: She's in your car, how is she not with you? That's the definition of with you.
Customer: I'm just giving her a ride.
Me: Well, you're with a minor, so I can't sell you this alcohol.
Customer: Can I still buy the cigarettes?
Me: You have a minor with you; no.
Customer: But they're for ME!"
Me: It's actually state law, and I'm protecting YOUR best interests so that you not only don't get sued by this company when the girl's family sues us for selling you cigarettes and alcohol which could contribute to her death if she is drinking and driving, but also so that you are not arrested for providing a legal drug to an underage person and testified against by ME, the very person who is trying to prevent all this.
Customer: Your boss would sell to me
Me: (Virtually in histrionics) My boss is the one who ENFORCES this Shakespeare!
Customer: (throws a half-eaten candy bar which he had no inention of paying for and leaves in a huff)
Me: Hey, that's shoplifting. How many policies are you going to break today?

Some people. Worst of all, this goes on all night, every night. If I'm not normal, THIS is Frost-ing why.

Alarm Clock 6,338 4
03/15/2010 03:17 PM

What about the laws and policies of natural human decency, Pram? Who's gonna ride your ass to make you follow those?

Shakespeare like that is why decent, hard working Americans can't just easily sit back and enjoy a beer with a questionably "of age" girl. You have no right to wrongfully force sobriety on him like that.

Hmmm... kind of funny really, how the bullied turns into the the bully.

Now excuse me while I go smoke a bowl with my cat, Buster, who is also underage. He is only six. He is also a cat. That's probably against a policy somewhere, but damnit, it's the right thing to do.

Small Swedish Pram 78,176 40
03/15/2010 11:18 PM

I crush your head.

Ravos, Ruiner of Jokes 62,361 20
03/15/2010 11:54 PM

Me: Hello, and how are you folks today?
Customer: You look so young. Why is that?
Me: I'm only 19.
Customer: What?
Customer's wife: SHE SAYS SHE'S NINETEEN!
Customer: Ohf‚,do you have a boyfriend?
Me: I'm engaged, actually.
Customer: What?
Customer's wife: SHE SAYS SHE'S ENGAGED!
Customer: Do you want to go out with me sometime?
Me: Here, I'll just finish scanning your items for you.
Customer: What?
Customer's Wife: SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!

Alarm Clock 6,338 4 whistles
03/16/2010 12:32 AM

Hey, check this out:


























BOOYAH!

Ravos, Ruiner of Jokes 62,361 20
03/16/2010 01:46 AM

(This one actually happened to me back when I worked retail)

I'm helping a customer with an air purifier, and have been helping her for over 45 minutes. She had made me open up every different type so she could check them out.

Customer: So I have another question. Will this blow a fuse?
Me: Well, I wouldn't assume so.
Customer: Well, I am asking because at home I only have 1 outlet, and I already have a microwave and stove and fridge plugged in there, and some other stuff.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but I have no idea. I am not an electrician, but that is a lot of stuff on a single outlet. It sounds like a fire hazard.
Customer: Well, what about this smaller one? Will this one blow a fuse?
Me: I'm sorry, but I have no way to know that.
Customer: Well, the company has a number, can you call them and ask for me?
Me: Ma'am, I don't think they have any way to know how much power your other appliances take, so they would probably give the same answer as I did.
Customer: Well, can you call them anyway?
Me: Unfortunately I am not authorized to make long distance calls. If you'd like, I can write down the number for you and you can call on your own.
Customer: Well then, call your manager, they should have the authorization!
(I call the manager)
Manager: Sorry ma'am, but we don't make long distance calls for customers.
(Customer gets angry and leaves)

Small Swedish Pram 78,176 40
03/16/2010 02:15 AM

Gang sign. You're coming with me.

Little Irish Midgets 93,936 47
03/16/2010 05:37 AM

This happened to me about three weeks ago while talking with my phone company about an extra charge on my bill.


Me: When I talked to you guys last week you said you were going to waive this charge.
Phone co: We don't normally waive these charges, but if you would like a supervisor to review your call from last week we can put you on hold while he does so.
Me: Fine, go ahead and do that.


About 5 minutes pass.

Phone co: Sir I just reviewed your call, and you weren't told we would waive this.
Me: Listen, I know what I was told. Also please tell me how you reviewed a call that was over 45 minutes in less than 5?
Phone co: I didn't need to listen to the entire conversation, I skipped ahead to when you were told the charge would be waived.
Me: You're telling me you skipped to where I was told this would be waived, and I wasn't told this would be waived?
Phone co: That's correct sir.
Me: Would you like to think about what you just said?

Phone co: Alright, it looks like we're going to waive this charge.....

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 62,361 20
03/26/2010 05:44 AM

Another from the site. Felt appropriate.

(A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)
Me: How can I help you?
Hotel guest: You wouldn't happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?
Me: ...No, sorry.
Hotel guest: Worth a shot! *returns to hotel room*

Brad Poynter 35,418 48
03/26/2010 06:26 AM

From my tech support days.

Me: Okay ma'am, now right click on My Computer and select Manage.

Customer: Hows I gonna do that? Is yo computra here in town?

Another one

Me: Thanks for calling Tech Support, this is Brad. How can I help you?

Customer: Yes, I am a speech pathologist from Undisclosed, Mississippi. Can I axed you a christian?

MyComedyGoldTurnedGreen Jeen 43,386 49
03/26/2010 08:53 AM

(personal experience) One of my college jobs was working at Burger King.

Me (bent over, restocking cups and bags behind the counter)
Customer (loud and abrupt): Potato milk!
Me (stands up): Excuse me?
Customer (mumbling & rifling through their wallet): Potato milk.
Me (staring, confused): Uhm...

Potato milk?

Customer (finally expressing every syllable): I would like a /con-tain-er/ of /milk/!
Me: OH!

notsoBig Irish Phla 130,632 34
03/26/2010 09:33 AM

Customer: 18.
Me: 20.
Customer: 19.
Me: 20.
Customer: 19.50.
Me: 20.

dinesh 24,837 15
03/26/2010 09:49 AM

All right, Frost the cup. Pour it in my hand for a dime.

notsoBig Irish Phla 130,632 34
03/26/2010 10:27 AM

Hey wait gross! I sell toasters!

Waste Disposal Unit 747 7
03/26/2010 11:32 AM

Happened to me some decades years back while working as a record store clerk.


Me: Hi there, welcome to (insert name of record store here). How can I help you today?

15 year-old zitface: Yeah man, I'm like, looking for this song.

Me: Aren't you all... And what would that song be?

15 year-old zitface: Uh, I dunno the title.

Me: No problem, what's the band?

15 year-old zitface: That's the problem man, I, uh, like I'm not sure, so it's like I don't really know.

Me: Well, that IS kind of inconvenient.

15 year-old zitface: But I can sing a bit of it though!

Me: (internal alarms starting to set off) Erm... Well... What the heck, can't do any harm, heh?

15 year-old zitface: (horrendously squawking) Sunnanana lala falalala ohooohoooo yeah heh LoooOOOoooOOooove.

Me: ...

15 year-old zitface: So?

Me: Uh? Oh, yes, right... The song... Um, well, unfortunately, as it's a very popular song, we're out. I don't really know when we'll be able to get new copies.

15 year-old zitface: (utterly devasted, hopefully on the brink of suicide) oh...

Me: Hey, I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I heard that (competitor just down the mall where Frost-ing annoying music geek works) may have some copies left.

15 year-old zitface: (thankfully leaving the store) Really? Hey man, like, thanks!! Man, every store should have employees like you.

Future Druggist 2,530 10
04/12/2010 10:41 AM

This is my new favorite.
(A customer walks up to the counter and sets a plastic shopping bag down.)

Customer: “You have to help me!”

Me: “I’d be more than happy to assist you, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “I’m being hacked! You have to get them to stop using my computer!”

Me: “Do you have your computer with you so that I can see what’s going on?”

(She just turns the bag upside down. Parts of a laptop spill everywhere motherboard, LCD panel, hinges, keyboard, palm rest, etc.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Why did you dismantle your computer?”

Customer: “That’s the only way to get them to stop! When computers are powered down, they aren’t really off! Those people in India are hacking into them while you have them off and are using it
to teach their kids how to speak English! That’s why jobs are outsourced!”

Me: “I really don’t think I can help you, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, put back together my computer! I have a warranty with you people. I’ll get the FBI or police to help me with the hackers.”

Me: “Our warranty does not cover you taking apart your computer.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re one of the people helping those hackers, aren’t you?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Aren’t you?!”

CyberBunny 916 8
04/12/2010 01:03 PM

Another one from the site:

Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”

Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”

(I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)

Customer: “Hmme” *types ‘No’*

Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”

Madness 4,360 10
04/12/2010 05:30 PM

This just happened to me recently.

Some kid wanted to buy an AC adapter for their iPod. Of course they wanted the "Official Apple Brand" AC adapter which does the same thing as our house brand but costs twice as much, since everything with a lowercase i in front of it is by definition an overpriced piece of Shakespeare.

So he brings it up to the counter and I ring it up.

Me: "Ok, that'll be $44.79 with tax"
Him: "Uhh...I only have 20 bucks. Is that ok?"
Me: *blank stare*

This kid is somebody who was born here, it's not like he has an excuse cause he just got off the plane from India or China where haggling is commonplace. I didn't realize it at the time but while I was thinking about this, I was staring at him dumbfounded for at least 45 seconds.

Me: "Uhhhh...no?"
Him: "Ok, be right back"

Sure enough, 10 minutes later he comes back, picks up the adapter, puts it back on the counter and I ring it up again.

Me: "Ok, $44.79"
Him: "Alright, I have 40 bucks now."
Me: "..."
Him: "Is that ok?"
Me: "No..."

He didn't come back after that.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
04/13/2010 03:08 AM

I guess he couldn't find the guy he blew for the quick $20 the first time.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 62,361 20
04/13/2010 04:12 AM

Now imagine what the kid would have to do for that extra $4.79.


Awkwaaaaaaaaaaaard

CyberJar88 916 8
04/28/2010 09:57 PM

Another one from the site:

Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me if you carry Chlamydia?”

Me: *long pause* “Ume I’m sorry, is this a plant you are looking for?”

Caller: “Yes! The pink one. You know, Chlamydia!”

Me: “Do you mean Cyclamen?”

Caller: “Yeah! Cyclamen, Chlamydia, they’re all the same thing. So, do you have anyone there that can give me some Chlamydia?”

Future Druggist 2,530 10
04/28/2010 11:09 PM

At this point we are all capable of going to the site ourselves. Right???? I really hope so.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 62,361 20
04/29/2010 09:52 AM

You're right. You can all go to the site for yourself now that I got my trophy.

CyberJar88 916 8
08/11/2010 11:02 PM

Here's one that will give you a headache:


(It takes me ten minutes to determine the caller is actually on a Mac running a Windows emulation program.)

Me: ,"Does your mouse have one big button?,

Customer: ,"Yes.,

Me: ,"So you are on a Mac? This game is not supported on a Mac. I can,,,t help you. I,,,m sorry.,

Customer: ,"No, it isn,,,t. I am running windows 98.,

Me: ,"Look at the side of the computer. Is there a big apple logo on it?,

Customer: ,"Of course there is. It,,,s an Apple computer.,

Me: ,"Which means it,,,s MacOS,this game does not run on that OS.,

Customer: ,"But I am in Windows mode.,

Me: ,"Are you using SoftWindows to emulate a Windows 98 OS?,

Customer: ,"Yes?,

Me: ,"We don,,,t support our titles on that.,

Customer: ,"What if I tried changing the drivers?,

Me: ,"No, that wouldn,,,t work sir.,

Customer: ,"What if I tried changing other settings?,

Me: ,"I,,,m afraid not. Sir, if you want me to help get it working the system it was designed for I would be happy to do that but I can,,,t help with emulated Window OS,,,s on a Mac.,

Customer: ,"What if I tried it on my games console?,

Me: ,"The Windows version of this game won,,,t work on a,hang on. Take the disk out of the drive and tell me what color the bottom of it is.,

Customer: ,"Black.,

Me: ,"This is the console version of the game. Did you try it on your console?,

Customer: ,"Yes. I worked fine there.,

Me: ,"So, why are you trying to run a console game on a Macintosh with an emulated version of Windows on it?,

Customer: ,"I thought it would run faster?,