Stay Classy San Diego
A comedy article
by Big Irish Straw  95,470  36
03/19/2010 10:19 AM 670 views
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I don't know if you all have seen the recent advertisements on TV inviting everyone to vacation in beautiful San Diego. I saw them, and immediately decided to delve into my very large bank account full of lots of money and buy a ticket to San Diego. What the hell, it's the Ides of March!
Actually truth be told, Manhole had to go there on a business trip so with his airline miles everything would be free.
Naturally we wanted to experience the best that California has to offer. That way we will want to come back, and not just feel threatened to by the Governator in that other California commercial.
However, the whole thing about the very large bank account full of lots of money, as you may have guessed, was just a joke. So instead of the Coronado Hotel:
We stayed at the Holiday Inn.
Instead of a hybrid limousine, we went to Dollar rental. They threw in the seagull for free.
I couldn't take too many days off from work, so I didn't have time to spend the day at the San Diego Zoo. Instead I visited everyone's favorite sea slugs sunning themselves on the beach. No one clubbed any of the baby seals, though. I guess if I want to witness violence involving marine mammals, I'll just have to shell out the dough for Sea World.
I didn't get to sample any of the famous California cuisine. This was fanciest dish I ordered:
No, someone didn't puke into a ramekin after spraying arterial blood on a plate. That is creme brulee with a raspberry reduction sauce.
The tastiest dish I ordered was a bacon cheeseburger from Hodad's, which is rated as one of the five best burgers in the U.S. by CNN.
It was pretty tasty after I took off the tomato that was the size of a dinner plate.
Look at that thick layer of bacon.
I don't think Bon Appetit will be calling me to photograph food for their magazine.
I should probably mention that we ate lunch with someone that you all know. Not the Governator, he was off intimidating fault lines into stop making his mansion shimmy.
The world-renown person we met was Bill the Squirrel!
That's right, Bill was the only one brave enough to take Manhole up on his offer of a beer. Did someone say beer?
Yes, that is a beer. It was called Wahoo Wheat and I chose it because I'm a Wahoo.
Along with our burgers, we also ordered onion rings to share. Manhole and I wanted to get the half order, since we only planned to have a couple. Bill insisted on getting the whole order, claiming that he was enough of a pig to finish whatever we didn't eat. Suckah!
Feel free to make fun of Bill since he did not, after all, finish off the barge full of onion rings that was rolled to our table.
Hodad's had a dizzying array of metal wallpaper. Imagine our delight when we saw representatives of Zug right next to our table.
It could mean Liver, or you could rearrange them to say ONIONSLIVER. For Thud:
We learned that Bill likes his Zug identity so much that getting a personal icon wasn't enough. He tattooed his screen name on his arm.
Just kidding. The tattoo and the reason he chose Bill the Squirrel for his screen name relate back to his childhood, which I won't share here because I forgot to protect his privacy.
We enjoyed Bill's company so much that we forgot our intention to have a toast at 1.29 pm to celebrate Pi Day (March 14). The toast happened at 1:20 pm, so we were celebrating something completely and uttlerly meaningless. But we still had a good time and decided to extend our Zug summit into dinner.
Well, by dinner time Bill was pretty shnockered. He did a pretty good job of keeping it together, although he jostled our table a little too often. I was afraid my wine would tip over. If my wine had tipped over, I would have had to punch Bill in the nuts. Fortunately that didn't happen. Although in his inebriated state, he admitted to his embarrassment that he really, truly thought that Manhole repairs cappuccino makers for a living. Manhole and I had a good laugh about this.
Of course he doesn't really repair cappuccino makers, that's just a shtick. He repairs microwaves.
After awhile, we had to get serious and begin negotiations regarding the most important issue plaguing Zug today. How Phla's name is really pronounced. Both Manhole and I had always pronounced it Flay, which flies against the current majority opinion that it is pronounced Flah. Bill dropped a hydrogen bomb into the water with his casual pronouncement that Phla's name should be pronounced Feelah. This completely shocked us into sobriety, so we were forced to table our discussion until the next meeting.
So that was our first ever San Diego Live! Which could have been called Gab Diego or San Diegab or whatever, but John had to go and change things. So instead we sound like a perky morning talk show. Stay classy, San Diego!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
18 votes
4.5
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.2
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Big Irish Guy 203,777  21
03/19/2010 10:24 AM
Did you at least let manhole Frost you in the ass?
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0 votes
0.0
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Green Jeen 43,386 49
03/19/2010 10:46 AM
Did Bill permanently tattoo his Zug shirt on his chest, too? Wearing it the next day. Hmph - show off!! The Latin Kings John will be so proud!
So cool to see you all had a fun visit!
P.S. Well written, Straw. I'd quote lines that were particularly funny to me, but there's far too many to recount!
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Funny
4 votes
3.7
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SHP 181,276 70
03/19/2010 10:48 AM
Are you talking to Bill or Straw? Either way, I demand an answer.
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Funny
5 votes
3.2
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Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
03/20/2010 02:19 AM
I had a blast. Thanks for the dinner and the fine conversation.
As a side note; Manhole looks like he's 10 years old in person, as opposed to the 14 years old he looks in the pictures. So, I'm going to call you Pedo-Straw from now on.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
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Lucky Charms 171,220 14
03/20/2010 02:31 AM
Nice! Glad you guys had fun! For real though, who got Frosted in the ass? Also, useless without pictures.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
03/20/2010 06:13 AM
Dog Camp?
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
03/20/2010 01:32 PM
That might be the only shirt Bill owns.
And he got it second-hand from me.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Phuc 237,453 20
03/21/2010 03:09 AM
It's Spanish for "A Whale's Vagina."
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0 votes
0.0
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Thirsty McSurly, Zombie Podiatrist 4,444 11
03/21/2010 05:21 AM
Wow that looks like one of the most awkward three ways I have ever seen.
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0 votes
0.0
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the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
03/22/2010 06:18 AM
One of the best reads I've had in a long time! Thank you.
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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Fratberry 277,318 52
03/22/2010 06:46 AM
No nudity?? Pfft, that's not an official ZUG event.
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0 votes
0.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
03/22/2010 10:46 AM
Did Bill permanently tattoo his Zug shirt on his chest, too? Wearing it the next day.
Nope, I didn't wear it the next day. Lunch was at 1:00 and dinner was later that same day. I probaby should have gone home between lunch and dinner but I got stuck at the bar and before I knew it, it was 5:30 and I was plowed. Thankfully Straw and Manhole waited for and poured me into my cab after dinner.
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