the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
03/22/2010 03:34 AM

For external use only...









on a curling iron

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
03/22/2010 03:39 AM

On NOMA Christmas lights...

WARNING For indoor or outdoor use only.


Nothing has happened to me yet, as I'm still trying to figure out where the Frost else one could possibly use them.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/22/2010 03:49 AM

A sign That says "Elderly People Crossing" on a median.

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/22/2010 03:50 AM

My 2 oldest kids had their birthday party yesterday and they each got a Zhu Zhu pets. On top of being absoFrost-inglutely annoying, they come with a warning in several places saying "Do not put near hair".

Your two oldest kids came with a warning?


As for the dumbest warning label I've seen: "May have been in contact with peanuts," on a container of peanuts.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 04:04 AM

Your two oldest kids came with a warning?

Yeah, it said "Why did you ignore the warning label on your penis?"

That warning label said "If used properly may lead to financial hardship, buying a minivan, white picket fences, loss of sexual function, and thoughts of suicide. If you experience any of these symptoms, discontinue use and abort."

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 04:07 AM

In my defense that warning label was in real tiny print

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/22/2010 04:08 AM

If you experience any of these symptoms, discontinue use and abort.

...but it was too late.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 04:13 AM

I've yet found no law that says you can't abort in the 21st trimester.

Spring Fresh Midgets 96,151 48
03/22/2010 04:13 AM

We have some "Sani Hands for Kids" (sanitizing wipes) that instruct you to keep out of reach of children.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
03/22/2010 04:15 AM

Hamsters have wheels now?

Genetic innovations continue to astound me.

Spring Fresh Midgets 96,151 48
03/22/2010 04:20 AM

There's also that stupid "Pregnant women should not smoke blah blah blah" warning on my smokes.

Don't they realize a) I'm fat, I'm not pregnant. b) They're moobs, I'm not a woman?

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 04:22 AM

Hamsters have always had wheels, now they're getting fancy



The Zhu Zhu pets that the kids got were the hamster ones. I know you were probably making with the funny, but I'm putting this link up because I had honestly never heard of the little killing machines until yesterday. I'd like to hope I'm not the only one living under a rock here.

Silence! Zhu Zhu pets will keel you!

the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
03/22/2010 04:24 AM

Do not eat toner.


On the toner cartridge in my copier right now.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
03/22/2010 04:29 AM

Yeah, never heard of those.

Back in my day we had real hamsters and sometimes you'd forget to feed them and they'd die and you learned an important lesson; how to dig graves.

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/22/2010 04:35 AM

I'd like to hope I'm not the only one living under a rock here.

I had never heard about "zhu zhu pets" and had to look it up after I read your post above. According to the Wikipedia article, one of the characters is named Jilly. If your kids got the Jilly character, I urge you to tape its mouth with duct tape now.

UnderEgg 101,398 77
03/22/2010 05:00 AM

For external use only...on a curling iron.

I had a friend in high school who inserted the end of a curling iron into her right eye. I don't think she did it on purpose, though she got to wear a bitchin' eye patch the rest of the year.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/22/2010 05:01 AM

Bitch just got cum in her eye.

UnderEgg 101,398 77
03/22/2010 05:03 AM

Cyco: I clicked on that link and the Zhu Zhu Pets television ad immediately started playing. That is the most annoying song I have ever heard.

Well, almost. Mahna Mahna!

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 05:53 AM

Mahna mahna!

Shell O'Belle 77,143 25
03/22/2010 07:12 AM

My kids have not asked for the zhu zhu things yet. They are still hooked on the webkinz though. Thankfully they have no moving parts.

I might have to buy one of those, for the next time my husband pisses me off:

"I'm a bitch?! Well, you've got a hamster caught in your hair."

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/22/2010 07:25 AM

I bet they would make excellent time bombs, just set them and throw and boom goes the dynamite. I think Manhole and Brad Poynter should head up a joint project on this.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/23/2010 02:38 AM

If your kids got the Jilly character, I urge you to tape its mouth with duct tape now.

The hamster's mouth or the kid's? Do I even want to know why?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/23/2010 02:46 AM

Search for Jilly or mesh bag o' nightmares.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/23/2010 02:50 AM

For WDU's picture I'm more disturbed not by the fact that people do put the mini screwdrivers into their penis's, but by the fact there is a little picture underneath it showing someone doing it.







On a offnote, what is the plural of penis? Penii? Penises? Peniss'?

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
03/23/2010 02:53 AM

On a offnote, what is the plural of penis? Penii? Penises? Peniss'?

Coleridges

Future Druggist 2,533 11 vigorous bobs head
03/23/2010 02:54 AM

Mmhhn. Coleridges.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/23/2010 02:56 AM

On a offnote, what is the plural of penis? Penii? Penises? Peniss'?


Are you new to the internet?

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/23/2010 03:09 AM

Search for Jilly or mesh bag o' nightmares

I didn't find the mesh bag o' nightmares. I suppose I should be glad for that. I'm guessing that the Jilly reference is because she never shut up. However, that's still a problem, neither the toy nor the kid ever shut up so who am I supposed to duct tape? I'll just nuke the site from orbitdo both, it's the only way to be sure.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/23/2010 03:14 AM

Just throw them both in a pool. The winner is the first one out. The loser has to survive under the pool cover.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/23/2010 03:25 AM

Ha! Pool, that's a good one. All I have is a shallow puddle in the driveway, I think they'll survive that. I think I might just have to build a miniature Thunderdome. 2 kids enter, 1 kid leaves and Lobster's stepdad gets the loser.

Frogpop 173,153 25
03/23/2010 04:39 AM

He already did, Cyco. He already did.

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/24/2010 06:03 AM

The straws at Starbucks have a warning on them: Not for use in hot beverages.

Now, I don't know anyone who uses a straw in their hot coffee, but it's really sad that there were enough idiots out there that caused a warning label on a Frost-ing straw.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/24/2010 06:07 AM

Now, I don't know anyone who uses a straw in their hot coffee, but it's really sad that there were enough idiots out there that caused a warning label on a Frost-ing straw.

Frost you.

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/24/2010 06:09 AM

Ravos-

Comedy. Site.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/24/2010 06:11 AM

You did not just do that. Unacceptable.

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/24/2010 06:13 AM

I read that as "I'm jealous of you Lobster, because you have gotten one over on me, yet again. If I wasn't busy sweating your boyfriend's nuts, I'd buy you an ice cream."

In which case I rely: Thanks, but I'm on a diet.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/24/2010 06:18 AM

I read that as "I'm jealous of you Lobster, because you have gotten one over on me, yet again. If I wasn't busy sweating your boyfriend's nuts, I'd buy you an ice cream."

In which case I rely: Thanks, but I'm on a diet.


Yes sir, may I have another?


Fixed!

Filly - waxed 39,193 20
03/24/2010 10:27 AM

My irony meter just exploded.

It was kinda sticky.

Lucky Charms 171,275 14
03/24/2010 10:33 AM

This place never ceases to amaze me.

Wow, just wow.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/24/2010 10:22 PM

you have gotten one over on me, yet again

That would imply that you got one over on my in the first place.

Fratberry 283,051 53
03/24/2010 10:29 PM

It was kinda sticky.

Sorry about that but next time don't keep it so close to an open window.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/24/2010 10:30 PM

Frost you.

I'd like to nominate this for post of the week.

Phuc 237,919 21
03/25/2010 11:23 PM

I read about a kid dranghted in the jeck and they had to use the jaws of life, a Paul Prudhomme sized tub of Crisco, and four rottweilers to get him out.