Thud 68,525 19
03/23/2010 09:45 AM

Duct tape the cat to the ceiling. Just for a day or two.


Otherwise it might be seen as doing something mean.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/23/2010 09:47 AM

Some places do low-cost neutering.
Male Cat- $51
Resources by State

The Grand Imperial Priestess 58,981 29
03/23/2010 09:49 AM

1. Burlap sack
2. Rocks
3. Twine
4. A large body of water

Get into sack with rocks. Have a loved one tie it shut and place you in the large body of water

5. Profit




No clue, ask Frat.

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/23/2010 09:50 AM

Wear ear muffs to bed.

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/23/2010 09:53 AM

But don't tell your cat they're called "muffs."

Dianada 57,835 109
03/23/2010 09:54 AM

You've had him since he was 2 months old, so you have had 14 months to save up money to get him fixed. You deserve all the creepy cat loving you get.

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8 hangs head in shame
03/23/2010 09:58 AM

It was part procrastination, part male sympathy. I mean, getting your balls chopped off and all...

Thud 68,525 19
03/23/2010 10:09 AM

If you really have sympathy for your cat getting his balls cut off, get yours done at the same time. Then you can share the experience with your kitty.


It will help you grow closer. Really.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/23/2010 10:19 AM

Let him go get a piece. Problem solved.

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
03/23/2010 11:01 AM

I like this n00b but the entertainment value of watching Bob Baker beat him to death is pretty tempting.

TopHatSnake 3,464 10
03/23/2010 11:06 AM

thread title did not deliver.

Thank You, Zolton Bunny! 88,214 34
03/23/2010 11:10 AM

If you really have sympathy for your cat getting his balls cut off, get yours done at the same time. Then you can share the experience with your kitty.

For that matter, you can share your extricated nutsack with him, too.

He'll be kind of down after the operation, and might appreciate a nice chew toy.

Thank You, Zolton Bunny! 88,214 34
03/23/2010 11:14 AM

Also, I have to ask:

When the cat was nibbling your face and coming on your head, did he lean over and whisper, 'Meow my name, bitch! Meow my name!' ?

If so, you might want to hide your 'angry porn' stash in a more Poeproof location.

Man of Men 177 7
03/23/2010 11:16 AM

I'm not sure how cats work. Is there something akin to sexual litter-box that you can indulge it with?

Thud 68,525 19
03/23/2010 11:31 AM

When the cat was nibbling your face and coming on your head, did he lean over and whisper, 'Meow my name, bitch! Meow my name!' ?


Zolton, I'm glad that you came back. I missed your kind of humor.

Millie 116,989 28
03/23/2010 11:55 AM

Ugh. Your house must smell horrible--that cat has probably been marking all over the place! You'll be lucky if he doesn't decide to piss all over your face instead of ejaculating next time.

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
03/23/2010 12:14 PM

Millie, not at all. His litter does smell horrible since he gets heat spells, but he hasn't felt the need to leave his mark to attract females. And seeing how he considers pretty much everything as a potential sex partner, I guess I he feels he doesn't need to go through all that effort.

All in all, he's a weird cat, sexually speaking. He got his first heat spell 6 months ago, and it was nothing more than a very occasionnal mating call combined with overflowing affection for 2 or 3 days. The same is true for all the other heat spells he went through, except for this one. It's been two weeks now, and he still hasn't sprayed anything, but he sure tries his luck with every conceivable hole he can find.

My next pay is Friday of next week, and he's in for the operation. The appointment is already set, but I fear I may go nuts in the week I still have to go through.

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
03/23/2010 12:25 PM

By the way Druggie, you seem like a very nice person, but you need to unwind a little. I wasn't looking for info on vets, I was looking for creative, acerbic, mean and weird humour to ensue. But it's nice of you to have gone through the trouble of posting the links.

I'm sure you can be funny, but maybe sampling some of your own goods would help a little, at least to begin with. Just sayin'

Kind Regards,
WDU


P.S.: Can you do that vigourous head bobbing motion again for me?











please?

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/23/2010 12:35 PM

You have your memories.

Thank You, Zolton Bunny! 88,214 34
03/23/2010 01:06 PM

Zolton, I'm glad that you came back. I missed your kind of humor.

Hiss my name, bi-

I mean, thanks, Thud. I really appreciate that, man. Cheers.

(Hiss my name!)

Fratberry 283,051 53
03/23/2010 01:34 PM

1: Get the cat neutered. This is a given. FD is right. You can usually get a spay/neuter voucher of some type for a low cost neuter. Check with your vet to see if they accept such things. If you go to the website that FD posted and follow the directions, you'll get an email with a list of participating vets.

However, if the behavior continues once he has been turned into an it, there are other things to try and things to look for:

A: Your cat can be showing dominance by humping everything in sight, including you. Alpha male cats can do this regardless of age or whether or not they are neutered. But...

B: Your cat is most likely in need of additional attention. Whenever you see him doing this, pick him up or talk to him or play with him (not like that you sick, sick person) with one of his toys. You are also redirecting behavior and since cats are akin to ADD addled three year old children, this is usually pretty successful, even if it is only temporary.

C: Look to see if he has been peeing outside of his litter box. If he is then he probably has urinary tract infection. Antibiotics should clear this up. The vet will usually prescribe clavamox or baytril.

D: If you have done everything else, you can ask your vet about putting him on tranquilizers. He may suffer from bouts of anxiety. A quarter of a diazepam twice a day generally works wonders in a cat with anxiety. You can get this directly from your vet.

E: Or you can just let him continue to skull Frost you.

Dasypygal-unwaxed 14,811 17
03/23/2010 01:43 PM

I may be paranoid and not willing to absorb all of the drivel...but is Waste Disposal Unit, a lobstah?
(disclaimer: I've been eating fresh herbs today. basil, cilantro, chives, and such...)

G'nite. I SAID G'nite!!

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/23/2010 10:12 PM

But Simba is now in what I would describe as his teenage years, and with that comes the dreaded Awakening of the Coleridge

Solution: Keep your cat away from roosters.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/23/2010 10:14 PM

Another solution: stirfry.

Alarm Clock 6,348 4
03/23/2010 10:46 PM

You will need:

crayon
fur
glue
spirit gum

Get yourself a pink crayon, break it in half, and discard the half without the pointy end. Glue fur around pointy half of crayon, leaving the tip of the point exposed. Glue two fur balls to base of crayon half, away from pointy tip.

Method 1: Glue it to the side of your face with spirit gum (or glue, whatever). When cat attempts skull Frost, exclaim, "What are you, a queer or something?"

Method 2: If cat is gay, craft a miniature set of brown shoes and black belt (figure out how to make on your own. I wouldn't know, my cat's not a fag.) Affix near face penis.

Method 3: If nothing else works, remove the face penis. Glue it to the zipper cover of your pants or the front of your wang. Rape and sodomize cat daily.

RavosComedyGod 63,472 21
03/23/2010 10:52 PM

Is #3 a trick you learned from Lobster's step-dad?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/23/2010 11:19 PM

No, that he learned from his own stepdad.

Satans Toenails 4,199 12
03/24/2010 11:42 PM

I intend to get him neutered as soon as I have the money for it



Problem solved.

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
03/25/2010 12:46 AM

Problem solved.



Favor returned.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
03/25/2010 01:53 AM

I was going to suggest redirecting his attention to a toy or stuffed animal and let him hump away, but Frat beat me to it.
































(Meow my name, bitch!)

Fratberry 283,051 53
03/25/2010 02:06 AM

You got it!

Fratberry 283,051 53
03/25/2010 02:06 AM

Oh wait... you weren't talking to me. Nevermind.

helloooo nurse 379 8
03/25/2010 02:11 AM

I bet patval would take him off your hands...............I hear he already has a few cats ( minus one retard ) and a pool in the back yard..........