Thanks to you people A comedy conversation
by Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44 03/27/2010 03:46 PM 500 views
I'm in trouble again. I'm just so in the habit of being quick with my snappy responses from hanging around here that the practice has moved into my real life.
As many of you know, I have a two year old daughter. My wife was giving her a bath, while talking to me on the phone, and out of nowhere she said, "Aaaah gross!" Naturally, I asked what had happened.
"She just stuck her finger into her vagina, then pulled it out and sucked on it."
"What's the big deal," I replied, "I'd do the same thing if I had a vagina."
I said "fat daughter" last week at a family gathering and got some strange stares. It took me a minute to realize that nobody there had any idea what that meant.
Posting here has ruined my life outside of GAB. I say scabrous things on Facebook and other sites. If it helps at all, I was never creepy until I joined GAB.
Also, I'm staying outta here for the next two days. Got a deadline to meet with the animation shizz.
Take care, everyone. And you too, Filly. I don't hate ya.
Whistler, just tell your wife to get used to the idea so that when she stumbles across your daughter's phone in 15 years or so the pictures she sexts to her boyfriend won't be quite as much of a shock.
I'm not even going to mention the possibility of pay-per-view.
I'm just saying, he was equally mean to everyone. No favoritism, no cliques, none of that Shakespeare. More than most of you can say for yourselves.
AC was not mean. I've seen mean. I've been mean. Every other phrase out of his mouth is antisemitic or blatantly racist. And in my opinion, If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck....... AC is racist duck, PERIOD! I don't care if he is dating a person of questionable ancestry. That is why nobody likes him here except for you. But then again, you brought him here in the first place.
I'm sure AC is a perfectly nice guy in real life and wish him (and you) the best of luck in what ever you do.*
AC didn't get that people were serious about actual racism not being funny?
Yes, it can be.
When I was still a nurse we had the poster child for racism (shaved head, wife beater, swastika tat, BAD attitude) come through the ER after a motorcycle wreck. A black nurse went in to administer morphine via IV and he refused to let her near him. The Indian (dot) doc went in to try to smooth it over and see if he could give the meds. Nope.
Three hours later the guy was restrained and had no pain meds. That was funny!
I know this girl who is always complaining about her math professor because he "can't speak English." He's fluent in English, but he has an Indian accent. I just want to challenge her to learn Hindi. This girl uses the word, "ain't" on a regular basis and says things like, "got" instead of "have," as in, "I ain't got no reason to go to class when the stupid teacher can't even speak English!" No Frost-ing joke. I applaud people who are bilingual, especially those who learn another language in adulthood. That's a serious challenge.
I know this girl who is always complaining about her math professor because he "can't speak English." He's fluent in English, but he has an Indian accent. I just want to challenge her to learn Hindi. This girl uses the word, "ain't" on a regular basis and says things like, "got" instead of "have," as in, "I ain't got no reason to go to class when the stupid teacher can't even speak English!" No Frost-ing joke. I applaud people who are bilingual, especially those who learn another language in adulthood. That's a serious challenge.
No one is saying racism isn't funny, but it's all about context. When I look at what AC said I see that it's some sort of ill-conceived inside joke. If you take the post all by itself, not only is it dumb and nonsensical, but there's no humor in it and could easily be construed as another dumb racist post by someone who's been warned a bunch of times. Oh well, no big loss.
The difference between making a joke about white people and making a joke about black people is that our society hasn't ever had a bunch of long-term, legalized, institutionalized programs designed to create and maintain an underclass of white people.
Racist whites in the U.S. still enjoy the full support and protection of about half of their elected officials. They're running corporations, media outlets, educational facilities and whole geographic regions. Non-white "racists," on the other hand, might be able to make a CD, but they're essentially powerless. They can feel their hate and try to spread it, but anyone who openly agrees with them has zero chance of making it in society.
So here's the deal: if your "humor" can be construed as perpetuating institutionalized bigotry, then it isn't funny. If there's any doubt, err on the side of caution when posting on someone else's website.
P.S. - Yes, I know I haven't always been the model of perfection in this area. I have said things here that I thought were funny because they were shocking, politically incorrect or ironic, and some of them crossed the line into bigotry. Some of that was when the community was smaller and I thought everyone understood that I had no desire to perpetuate bigotry. Well, I was wrong. There's no knowing how your audience is going to interpret what you say. And there's no knowing (on the internet) exactly who your audience is. I was wrong. I've had a change of heart, and I'm going to police myself to be sure I'm not saying things that could perpetuate bigotry.
Last night my daughter pooped in the tub. No biggie, just get the kids out, wash the tub, re-fill the tub and resume bath, right? Um. Yeah unless the baby continues pooping whilst walking naked and wet around the bathroom waiting for me to finish cleaning the tub out. It was like an unpredictable faucet. I must say, the second bath was the fastest I have ever bathed her and put her diaper on.
I'm working on toilet-training my 2-year-old son. The other day, he started yelling "POTTY! MY POTTY! MY POTTY!" So we rushed across the house to the bathroom, took his pants off and stood him on the stool to pee. I was encouraging him to "pee-pee" when suddenly I smelled something foul. He got a funny expression on his face and said, "Uh oh. Poo poo!"
Lobsty Jr has had a diaper rash for a bout a week. Desitin doesn't help, nor does Bourdreaux's, or powder and vaseline. I have tried changing her every hour, whether she is dirty or not, and I have tried letting her play in her playpen with a bunch of towels on the floor without her diaper on to let her booty "get some air" so to speak. I have tried using Nystatin, thinking it might be a different kind of rash, but to no avail. My pediatrician is at a loss. Any home remedies that you guys have would be greatly appreciated.
Oh, and, we were in a hurry to get ready for Zmobie Day, so I put her in the shower with me. While I was rinsing out my hair and getting ready to wash her hair, she pooped in the tub. I scooped her out of the tub, filled it ankle height with scalding bleach water and scrubbed the whole thing while letting my feet soak in the bleach. I then proceeded to re-shower me and re-bathe her. It'd have been much quicker to do it separately in the first place.
Sacrifice a yearling calf at the next new moon in the RIGHTHAND BACK CORNER of the yard, near a new sapling. Make sure the calf is facing East. If you don't have a new sapling, you can use a potted plant, but it's less effective. String the calf entrails over the baby's bed like garland and accent with lavender and feverfew. Boil a pot of water with lemon peel and sage.
Then switch to using non-scented hypoallergenic wipes and diapers, and sensitive skin soap.
My mom is a pediatric nurse, so I get most of my baby needs for free. I have yet to have to buy Tylenol, teething tablets, or diaper cream.
Kchicki,
Lucky for us we have two calves that are still less than a year old! I will totally do all that with the guts garland on her crib and Shakespeare. And she already uses the unscented baby wipes. I'll check out the diapers. She's used the same brand since she was born. Is it normal for babies to develop an allergic reaction after 10 months?
Second the A&D. Whenever I or my daughter have a skin issue in That Area (rash, cut, whatever), rubbing A&D ointment on it has always soothed it long enough for it to heal itself. But it may not work if it is covering a big area. Then you might be spreading the ointment too thin. boom tish.
Also, Lobster, if you haven't already I would really recommend joining your local mommy message board. There's this organization called The Mommies Network and most major towns have their own site. It would likely be Whatevertownyouliveinmommies.com, and they all have message boards. At the very least they are a really good resource for just the sort of issue you are having. The diaper rash issue, not the racist partner issue.
Lobstah... My friend's 3 daughters have all gotten repeated horrendous rashes that are not just rashes, but yeast infections also. She had a prescription cream because nothing over the counter worked (don't know what that is called), but since she is on her 3rd daughter now, she has been using Triple paste and says it works really well. Not sure if it will help you now because the she uses the triple paste at the very first sign of a rash, but it might be worth a shot.
The Nystatin I have is prescription cream/ointment/foul-smelling crap for yeast infections of the diaper area. I have some triple paste. I will try it tomorrow morning, after her (steam and butter) bath.
The difference between making a joke about white people and making a joke about black people is that our society hasn't ever had a bunch of long-term, legalized, institutionalized programs designed to create and maintain an underclass of white people.
I don't know. The Univ. of Ga. has been around for some time now.
Remember that diaper cream is meant to keep moisture away from the no-no areas--it is not meant to moisturize the area or keep moisture in.
Clean the rash-y area, dry thoroughly (going commando for a bit is good), then apply the desitin or what have y'ze.
And for those of you who use diaper cream to masturbate, it contains a chemical that heals infant skin but causes adult skin to develop aggressive cancer.
And for those of you who use diaper cream to masturbate, it contains a chemical that heals infant skin but causes adult skin to develop aggressive cancer.
The correct way to phrase this would have been, "make sure you're covering your hands and if you're feeding, breasts with the cream so any skin to skin contact with the baby has a barrier of protective not cancer causing cream."
And for those of you who use diaper cream to masturbate, it contains a chemical that heals infant skin but causes adult skin to develop aggressive cancer.
What if I put the diaper cream on the baby, and then used the baby to masturbate with? Would that work?
Each of my children suffered with horrendous rashes that absolutely would not clear up no matter what. It turns out that my son was allergic to Huggies diapers and my daughter, equally allergic to Huggies wipes.
So try switching one or the other or both and see what happens.
Also, for the times that the boy was so rashy that I couldn't use wipes on him, I bathed him twice a day and cleaned his poops with a Vaseline and tissues.
Also, soak the baby's bottom in Aveeno bath, and a hairdryer set on cool will dry it nicely.
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