Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/29/2010 02:58 AM

Just go here.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 03:02 AM

Well, you have to give them credit, at least their baby didn't die and they posted stillborn pictures of them dressed up like they're alive like these people did:

NSFW

This site's been around since before Facebook, but the parents seem to have discovered Facebooktoo...

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
03/29/2010 03:04 AM

I don't have any "pro-life"ers on my facebook besides my grandma. And maybe Undies, though I don't actually know her position on baby killing or whatever those people call it these days. If I saw this status it would result in immediate de-friending.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 03:07 AM

Which status?

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/29/2010 03:11 AM

New parents are annoying, but they arent as bad as new grandparents. Luckily for the world most of them aren't on facebook.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/29/2010 03:12 AM

I'm about to, Taco. I already commented on her status: "No, but I do love my cat."

She's just one of many people on facebook who never post unless it's status updates about her baby, pictures of her baby, videos of her baby, stories about her baby, or maybe conversing with other people about how cute her baby is and how cute the other person's baby is and maybe some time they could get together with their babies and then their babies could have babies and OH MY GOD SHUT UP. I understand that having a baby is a life-changing event and that every parent reacts with the same unfathomable amount of instant love and devotion for their child, but for Frost's sake, don't be so annoying about it. I KNOW that having a child changes your life, and that once you become a parent your life can never be the same and your world has to revolve around your child or else they'll grow up to be serial killers... but do you have to lose any trace of a personality that you might have had before?

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
03/29/2010 03:14 AM

Yes. It comes with allowing a large parasite to voluntarily suck your life fluids for 9 months and your bank account for the subsequent 18 years.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
03/29/2010 03:14 AM

but do you have to lose any trace of a personality that you might have had before?

No.













Someone please tell me if I've lost my personality.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/29/2010 03:20 AM

Kchiki = non-annoying mother who is still 100% devoted to her spawn.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/29/2010 03:21 AM

IT CAN BE DONE!

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
03/29/2010 03:21 AM

I will agree that a lot of people do tend to lose any trace of the personality they had before kids, though.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
03/29/2010 03:21 AM

Yay!

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 03:22 AM

I don't want kids either. My housmates' friends and family have kids, and they bring them over every Sunday, and they jump straight up in the air and land with a bang, straight up in the air, crash, jump, crash, jump. Frost-ing obnoxious. I was trying to animate yesterday and thought I would grind my teeth into dust.

IN FACT, my name comes from when I was working at a Safeway in 1996 and it was my turn to fix the trash compactor we had for produce. I pushed the button and it wouldn't go. Someone had thrown a baby carriage in it and it had gotten stuck. I had to climb in the smelly mother-Froster and wedge the buggy out with a piece of wood. Then, of course, I threw the thing back in and let the compactor eat it.

Been Pram Maven ever since.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/29/2010 03:25 AM

Did you check to see if there was a baby in it first?

Nah, I wouldn't have, either.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 03:25 AM

There was.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 03:28 AM

Actually, there were five babies and one adult. (the carriage had secret compartments- it belonged to illegal immigrants).

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/29/2010 05:35 AM

I don't have any pictures of Lobster Jr up on the internets. Unless I photoshop over her face first.

I know how annoying I was when I was pregnant, so I try not to bore you all with stories of my kid now that she's here. She does do amazing things every day, but I just call my mom or my grandma and tell them and then I'm over it. I'm only online now if she's asleep, because I can't be productive and run a vacuum or anything. But I do love her. And I don't think I've lost much about my personality since she was born. I mean, I don't do things now because they affect someone other than me, but I am pretty sure i"m still me. And i don't let my kid run my life.

But she is damn cute, don't you think?

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/29/2010 05:38 AM

And I don't think I've lost much about my personality since she was born.

It is hard to lose something you never had in the first place.

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/29/2010 05:39 AM

Comedy. Site.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/29/2010 05:39 AM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

I just got the facebook interwebsite recently to see what this whole 21st century thing is about. Link in profile.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/29/2010 05:40 AM

Comedy. Site.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Filly - waxed 39,193 20 's irony meter explodes again
03/29/2010 05:43 AM

I need to stop buying these things. It's getting expensive.

MyComedyGoldTurnedGreen Jeen 47,815 51
03/29/2010 05:57 AM

That is exactly it. If a person keeps their identity, parenthood is not annoying (to me). It's when their little brats kids interrupt every moment of their life, especially while I'm on the phone with them, it gets old and annoying (to me).

Friend: Hey Jean - how are you? Want to go for a hike or something soon?
Me: Oh, yea - that sounds great. When would...
(Distracting, loud noises and screaming on the other end.)
Friend: I'M ON THE PHONE, TOMMY. MOMMY IS ON THE PHONE! GIVE MOMMY THIS TIME TO BE ON THE PHONE WITH HER FRIEND. NO. NO! YOU CANNOT HAVE CANDY. YOU ALREADY HAD CANDY EARLIER. SHARE WITH YOUR SISTER THEN. (More screaming - this time from the sister.) SHARE WITH YOUR BROTHER, MANDY!! THAT CANDY IS FOR BOTH OF YOU!
Friend (to me): "Hold on a second". (Doesn't listen for a response.)
Me: Hey - feel free to email me when you're free.
Friend: NO! SHARE! THERE'S ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF YOU! (More screaming, pounding and crying.)
Me: (hangs up & blames it on the phone being disconnected.)

Sadly, I'm not exaggerating. I do NOT want children. Can you tell? I consider calls like the above to be "birth control".

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/29/2010 06:11 AM

She's just one of many people on facebook who never post unless it's status updates about her baby, pictures of her baby, videos of her baby, stories about her baby, or maybe conversing with other people about how cute her baby is

Respond to every post she makes about her baby with a story or screenshot of your virtual salmon pet in FishWorld.

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 18,572 33
03/29/2010 06:16 AM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

It's really windy where we live and her cheeks (the ones on the face) get chapped. It's a preventative measure for when we go out for walks and stuff.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/29/2010 06:18 AM

Yea, sure. We all know what the step-dad gets up to.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 06:47 AM

Sadly, I'm not exaggerating. I do NOT want children. Can you tell? I consider calls like the above to be "birth control".

In the future, you'll be able to customize your birth control. If I don't have any sales from my records, I'm going sell pictures of my face to print on condoms. Not on condom wrappers though, because the point of anyone looking at my pasty mug would prevent the sex from everhappening, which is the best form of birth control there is!

dinesh 24,862 16
03/29/2010 06:53 AM

*echam*

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
03/29/2010 06:55 AM

Dinesh is Jewish?!

Thank You, Zolton Bunny! 88,214 34
03/29/2010 06:55 AM

I KNOW that having a child changes your life, and that once you become a parent your life can never be the same and your world has to revolve around your child or else...

Hey, having cancer changes your life, too. But you don't see people posting pictures of that on their Facebook pages.

Stingy Frosters.

dinesh 24,862 16
03/29/2010 07:03 AM

Dinesh is Jewish?!

Not where it counts, baby.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/29/2010 07:05 AM

Having a new facebook can also change your life. I make status updates about it all the damned time.

SHP 181,795 70
03/29/2010 07:23 AM

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 9,913 9
03/29/2010 02:39 PM

Comedy. Site.

03/29/2010 03:16 PM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

It's really windy where we live and her cheeks (the ones on the face) get chapped. It's a preventative measure for when we go out for walks and stuff.


You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,330 11
03/29/2010 08:17 AM

If anyone is looking to destroy Facebook and needs help, count me in. My wife isn't as annoying as some of the examples, but she's a Frost-ing addict. We were on vacation in Chicago for the last 5 days and every waking moment that we weren't busy doing something, she was on the computer or updating her status on Facebook. I wouldn't have minded so much except she kept wanting to use my iPhone when I'm trying to do important Shakespeare like navigate downtown Chicago using Google maps, or watching porn on ifap.com.

It actually made me glad that AT&T coverage sucks donkey balls, I couldn't get a signal in any of the museums so she actually had to pay attention to what was actually happening in front of her face.

It's not a funny post, I know. I just Frost-ing hate Facebook.

Filly - waxed 39,193 20
03/29/2010 08:54 AM

It actually made me glad that AT&T coverage sucks donkey balls...

Nuh uh! AT&T covers 97% of all Americans! Owen Wilson told me so!

The Grand Imperial Priestess 58,981 29
03/29/2010 09:12 AM

Owen Wilson is the father of all lies.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/29/2010 09:28 AM

What does it say about me that I just spent 20 minutes looking at pictures of stillborn babies, all because there was a link posted in this thread?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
03/29/2010 09:28 AM

You know what? Don't answer that.

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
03/29/2010 09:31 AM

The SomethingAwful email war with a woman running one of those stillborn baby pages culminating in "stop overcrowding heaven with your poison womb" is still pretty much one of the best things ever.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/29/2010 09:32 AM

Taco- linkage please

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/29/2010 09:44 AM

Nevermind
Found it

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 10:34 AM

The SomethingAwful email war with a woman running one of those stillborn baby pages culminating in "stop overcrowding heaven with your poison womb" is still pretty much one of the best things ever.

That's what I had in mind when I posted the first time in this thread. Zack's exact words were "your poison womb is making heaven too Frost-ing crowded".

SA all the way!!

This is my favorite article of all time from them.

Terrorism is not funny, but making fun of badly done Flash sites about 9/11 is awesome.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/29/2010 11:01 AM

Honestly, it's not the kids that bother me. Remember that open letter that Phuc wrote last year to that snob in the ice cream shop? Yeah, I'm with Phuc. I know that, despite a parent's best efforts, kids might yell in public or emit odors that are not exactly lilac and french vanilla. That's just what kids are. I'm fine with that. My problem is with parents who are either 1: not involved in their kids lives at all, so that they don't gently correct problem behavior when necessary, or B: are TOO involved in their kids lives and think that I care that Braydon Jayden Haiden Ashton Madison rolled over for the first time today or weighs 14 pounds 4.5 ounces now. Seriously. Tell me when they're born, tell me if they're probably going to live to the age of 5, and tell me what their name is. After that, I don't want to hear about them on facebook. I'll ask you all kinds of crap at the Christmas party.

III: Profit!

Millie 116,989 28
03/29/2010 11:35 AM

I don't mind the postings about babies as much as the religious people. You know, the ones who have status postings like "I am so glad Jesus loves me and my family! I'm blessed and Jesus loves all my Facebook friends!" I mean what kind of status is that? I'm happy that Jesus loves you and all that crap, but how is that a status? Does it change day by day?

As for kids--the problem isn't the kids, it's their parents. When I see brats in public, they usually have parenst who are inattentive or Emersons (or both). The kid is crying because he or she is tired, frustrated, or...something. But guess what? The rest of us aren't immune to it like you are! Give the kid some attention and get it out of my range of hearing, please.

Or the older kids who are running around like Lowe's (or Home Depot) is a playground. I pray for a forklift to run them over. How can you let your kid run around a place like that and not pay attention. Face it, most parents suck.

On one hand, they want everyone to ooh and ahh over their kids, but on the other hand, they totally ignore them most of the time. And I tired of people with teenagers who do everything for their kids. I work with a couple of women who pretty much wait on their grown kids hand and foot, and complain about it. Hey, you made the monster, deal with it.

Wow, I didn't realize my feelings were so strong.

In a nutshell: religious freaks are more annoying than parents, but not by much.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/29/2010 12:12 PM

Millie

People who hate facebook parents.

>Pram 80,728 42
03/29/2010 12:50 PM

I've been led to consider a different path.

a DEATHMATCH.





































Sorry Millie, those kids puked carrots all over you. You're still neat-o, though.

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
03/29/2010 04:42 PM

I love kids. Adore them (well, most of them, anyway). And I think the sun shines out of my own kids' asses. But I agree that there's a whole slew of people who are way too consumed with sharing everything about their kids with the world.


So anyway, my oldest son, Eamon, got engaged over the weekend to his sweetheart Amanda, who is a dead ringer for Taylor Swift. And did I mention that he'll be graduating with his bachelors degree (with honors) this summer after only two years of study? And entering medical school* in September?


but they arent as bad as new grandparents.

In all liklihood, I'll be ZuGLive's first grandpa. Sy doesn't count. He's been gone for too long.




*Real medical school. Not imaginary crustacean medical school.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/29/2010 05:53 PM

I'm not on Facebook and I don't have any kids that I know of, I didn't read too much of this thread, I just wanted to say "Frost YOU ALL."

Nachos 57,521 23
03/29/2010 10:13 PM

So anyway, my oldest son, Eamon, got engaged over the weekend to his sweetheart Amanda, who is a dead ringer for Taylor Swift. And did I mention that he'll be graduating with his bachelors degree (with honors) this summer after only two years of study?

In all liklihood, I'll be ZuGLive's first grandpa. Sy doesn't count. He's been gone for too long.

Making the assumption from the information above that Eamon is about 20, in all likelihood, you'll also be ZugLive's first grandpa that doesn't see his grandkids as his son didn't get any custody rights in the divorce proceedings.

Nachos 57,521 23
03/29/2010 10:34 PM

As for my views on the topics of this thread:

Parents, just because you are biologically hard-wired to have warm fuzzy feelings for mewling, puking, spawn that happen to contain mutated versions of you and your partner's DNA does not mean that everyone else does.

Also, people's tolerance for other people's genetic sproutings is again based on biological imperatives and sociological conventions to stop said children being bludgeoned to death every time they become a burden in social situations, thereby ensuring the survival of the species.

In my opinion children should be raised in camps, thereby removing the burden from society and ensuring that there are equal opportunities for everyone regardless of race, gender and social background.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/29/2010 11:09 PM

Know what is even more annoying than parents on facebook? The people who don't actually have kids, but treat their pets like they were, and update us on every minute detail of the animal's existance.

"Mr. Bigglesworth just ate some cat food, and is taking a nap! Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!"

Or the people who update their status every 12 seconds.
"Just woke up."
"Walking to bathroom."
"Sitting on toilet."
"Pooped"
"Wiped"
"Pooped some more. Probably should have skipped the taco bell last night."
"Wiped.
"More poop."
"Showering"
"Washing hair"
"etc"
"etc"
"etc"

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/30/2010 12:13 AM

I'm going to start talking about my cat the way these people talk about their kids on facebook. "My sweet wittle girl went to the vet today, and she weighs 7.2 pounds! Mommy's little monster is getting so big! Nothing can compare to the joy of having pets!"

Blue_Falcon 10 6
03/30/2010 12:54 AM

I'm a firm believer that children should be raised Spartan style.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
03/30/2010 01:00 AM

I don't mind the postings about babies as much as the religious people. You know, the ones who have status postings like "I am so glad Jesus loves me and my family! I'm blessed and Jesus loves all my Facebook friends!" I mean what kind of status is that? I'm happy that Jesus loves you and all that crap, but how is that a status? Does it change day by day?

Haha, agreed. I have blocked so many people who spout that all over my newsfeed.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/30/2010 01:05 AM

Getting engaged at the age of 20, eh? Yeah, my ex kind of suggested that. I laughed. Heartily. I'd prefer not to have to convince someone to marry me and commit to my rage against my ex husband, my custody battle, and my children when I'm 26.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
03/30/2010 01:14 AM

But Cinder.. You get a shiny bejewelled ring!

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/30/2010 01:22 AM

Cinder- I have a friend who I graduated with (keep in mind I graduated last year) who has a kid and has already been married and divorced once.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/30/2010 01:36 AM

Oooh, well... something shiny does sound nice. I think that one of the problems is that women are automatically programmed to say "yes" in that situation. Srsly. I mean, I don't want to get married anytime soon, but when ex-bang partner mentioned it, I still got all fluttery. I told him he was being silly, but if he had actually gotten down on one knee and given me a ring, I probably would have screamed, said yes, and then five minutes later thought, "Wait, what the Frost am I doing? I'm not even old enough to drink yet! Frost. I need to start cheating on him now."

My friend's little brother is a senior in high school, and apparently one of the girls (a junior) he goes to school with is pregnant and married. He said the wedding photos were gut-wrenchingly hilarious: a happy child bride with a big belly under her white dress, a beaming groom, and two sets of parents behind them with devastated expressions on their faces.

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/30/2010 01:42 AM

If I remember correctly the girl I was talking also was pregnant at the time of her wedding and I believe the marriage lasted less than a year.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/30/2010 01:43 AM

...and now her status updates are probably half, "Look at my children! LOOK AT THEM!" and, "My stupid ex is such a jerk LOL." The cycle continues!

Future Druggist 2,533 11
03/30/2010 01:44 AM

I firmly believe that if you still run a myspace page on a daily basis, you are not old enough to have kids.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
03/30/2010 01:44 AM

When I was a kid I vividly remember watching television shows where the woman, when proposed to, said 'I'll have to think about it.' And that was okay. Now it seems that it's a YES or it means 'I don't love you.'

But still.. The ring.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/30/2010 01:50 AM

This is what it does to people!

The Mailman 176,467 56
03/30/2010 02:05 AM

I'm a firm believer that children should be raised Spartan style.

So what you're saying is, you like to see children running around naked?

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
03/30/2010 11:05 AM

I know a woman who got married at 19 to a marginally employed musician who was an alcoholic and a drug addict.



I'd say my kid and his girl are starting out a couple of steps ahead of his mother and father that couple.

Dasypygal-unwaxed 14,811 17
03/30/2010 04:17 PM

I wouldn't keep that jar of Vaseline so close to the baby when "step-grandpa" comes over, unless of course you want to "share" special moments and deep understandings because Lobstah Jr. isn't just your daughter, she's your best buddy too!

Gonzo 20,522 17
03/31/2010 04:35 AM

...you can UN-screw the light bulb....

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
03/31/2010 05:11 AM

Ahaha, Cinder, I can just see the speech bubble now.

'The centrepieces don't match the ice sculptuuuuure!'

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
03/31/2010 03:26 PM

I will take this thread to heart, and will not be one of those Facebook parents.
I will however, be an annoying parent and post this boring story for all of you.


My daughter is now two, so she pretends to read.
There is a book character called Franklin. He is a turtle, and in one book has a birthday party, which he wants to be "the best party ever". My daughter can not pronounce Franklin's name properly, but she tries, along with the part of the story she remembers, so she turns page after page calling out "Frostin' best party ever"

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
03/31/2010 11:12 PM

I had to read Franklin when I was a kid. Only I had to read it in French.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/07/2010 01:50 PM

The same chick who inspired this thread is now whining about how she needs to find some friends who like just sitting at Starbucks sipping lattes. Apparently none of her friends are mature enough to deal with the fact that she has a baby now. That poor girl. No one has ever had a baby before, so no one can understand what it's like.

Semper Fidelis Tyrannotacosaurus 61,976 36
04/07/2010 02:08 PM

I will paypal you $5 if you post that on her status for at least 24 hours. I am 100% serious.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/08/2010 12:22 AM

Cinder, I have a friend who's very similar. She doesn't post too much about her new daughter on Facebook, but I won't even call her anymore because every time I talk to her, it's "Oh, she's got acid reflux and I can't sleep most nights because she won't sleep. She just cries and cries. But I have to study for my nursing program exam and I'm just going to battle through. Yes, I've tried that. And that. Yes, all your suggestions have already been thought of by ME and have not worked, so I have to think of the best remedy of all time in my own little brain because otherwise it won't work for MY daughter. Yes, I know, they're all different. Blah blah blah..."

Frost-ing martyr. As if 90% of the rest of us haven't dealt with unhappy babies.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/08/2010 01:22 AM

I'm in the 10%. Mostly because the girls are always too drunk to remember me, so they don't know who to take on Maury.

Nachos 57,521 23
04/08/2010 01:28 AM

Frost-ing martyr. As if 90% of the rest of us haven't dealt with unhappy babies.

Which is why God gave man the creativity to come up with the concept of a shallow grave.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/08/2010 01:32 AM

I like to imagine I'm working my way toward Nirvana.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall apologiiiiiiiiiiiiiies!"

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
04/08/2010 01:33 AM

Oh, she's got acid reflux and I can't sleep most nights because she won't sleep. She just cries and cries. But I have to study for my nursing program exam and I'm just going to battle through.

Your friend is lobster?

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/08/2010 01:55 AM

My wife has an idiot friend who not only posts daily about her spawn (ages 1 & 3), she posts daily about how beautiful it is that they're picking up on her religious preoccupation.

"Lucas said, 'thank you Jesus for my food,' before lunch today! Isn't it beautiful how the little ones have such faith?"

I told my wife I'd give her $100 to post, "Bridget is so excited about the Easter Bunny. Isn't it beautiful how gullible children are?"

I got a giggle, but she wouldn't do it.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/08/2010 02:16 AM

[Not Funny]

The daycare that our son goes to is an independently owned daycare, and the woman who runs it is a Christian. So the older kids pray before their meals and stuff. It's not affiliated with a church, but one day I dropped the kiddo off and they had put up all these new posters with messages like "Jesus Loves You!", etc. I remarked to the director "Oh. That's interesting."

I may not have been the only one to comment because the posters only stayed up for about a week, and then came down to be replaced with something more school-related.

I don't mind too much, as long as he's not being taught scripture. I feel like that choice is mine, not theirs.

[/Not Funny]

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/08/2010 02:24 AM

KChiki,

The sign was there to remind the students that the day laborer who mows the lawn is molesting them.

Delicious & British, it's Marmite! 12,955 12
04/08/2010 02:58 AM

No-one's said it yet so I guess I'm the only one.

I looked at those pics in the link that Pram posted. My first thought was that those babies didn't look cooked enough. No-one likes raw baby.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/08/2010 03:08 AM

ALRIGHT everyone, I get the message!

Sadly though, my children are my life. I gave up my real life ten years ago to take care of them, so if I want to post Spongebob quotes on my facebook status and post adorable pictures and videos of them, I will do it, dammit! And I will post threads about how my cute little son plays pranks on me. And I will be generally obnoxious when it comes to talking about my kids, because I have no life and it gives me something to do! Don't take that away from me!

Do I sound bitter?


Seriously though, I am hoping I am not one of those "annoying" parents. I probably am, who am I kidding?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/08/2010 03:11 AM

Shell, you can be anything you want on the internet. Now stop being you, because you suck at life.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/08/2010 03:17 AM

you suck at life

Perhaps, but I have gigantic boobs, so that makes up for it.


Ha, I caught you though! You do read my posts. I'm going to go rub one out to the thought of Big reading my posts.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/08/2010 03:20 AM

Yeah, yeah. And prove it.

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/08/2010 03:22 AM

KChiki, my son came home from PUBLIC middle school with a notice allowing you to opt out of having your child go to an assembly where people would present an overview of their faith as part of "cultural studies." All the major religions would be represented (as long as you consider Judaism, Christianity and Islam to be the extent of all the major religions).

I sent the slip back with a note saying that I would be happy to present an overview of Atheism in order to keep the program balanced. I never heard back, but the assembly was cancelled. I have a feeling they might have heard from a couple of Hindus, Buddhists and Wiccans, too. And I really hope they heard from a Satanist.

Anonymoos 111 6
04/08/2010 03:43 AM

I am usually an anonymoos lurker, but I came to the "Annoying Facebook Parents" conclusion a little while back. Here is a FB note on my profile from 3/2010:

Hey! Did you see my status? Did you comment on it? I rock! My statuses are so insightful! My child did something all children do, isn't he special? I,,,ll tell you every time he does something. I,,,ll put his picture up in the place of mine so you don,,,t even remember what I look like. My status is always about my child now, ever since I had him/her because that is who you friended on Facebook, right? My child? Right.
So I am going to write fantastic, edgy statuses about how my 3 month old burped and we spent 4 hours in the ER to find out it was gas. LOL, we made the 55-year-old cardiac patient wait just a little too long, but 'Jr. Me' got a baby antacid and we are home. My status at 3am, everyday, is how I am wide awake with my infant. Infants don,,,t sleep through the night? No one told me. Aren,,,t I funny?
Of course I am going to get mad at you when you don't comment on how beautiful my average looking infant is. He is chubby, small and bald with a spaced out infant/retard stare ,“ but he is a special kind of chubby, small and bald and his spaced out stare is because he is contemplating the meaning of life.
Of course I,,,ll never have any intelligent input on anything you write. Especially if you are sad or depressed and need a friend, because it's all about MEEE!!!

Anonymoos 111 6
04/08/2010 03:48 AM

Sorry about copy/paste fail commas.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/08/2010 03:54 AM

And I'm the one that sucks at life?

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/08/2010 03:59 AM

My kid is smarter and cuter than all your imaginary kids combined! NYAH!!!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/08/2010 04:03 AM

My imaginary kid is my designated driver.

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/08/2010 06:04 AM

Whistler's States to Steer Clear of List

1. Wisconsin (or was is Michigan? Or Minnesota? Be safe - all three).
2. New Jersey

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/08/2010 12:22 PM

He is chubby, small and bald with a spaced out infant/retard stare

Ok, that made me laugh.

Taco, I don't think I can post that on her status. In real life, I'm trying to keep up the illusion that I'm not a terrible person. Her husband is ugly, though, and her baby is funny-looking even for a baby, so maybe I'll just start asking her if she's started a savings account for the kid's braces and Accutane yet.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/08/2010 12:24 PM

Things that are okay to brag about once on facebook:

-If your kid is going to medical school (Whistler)
-If your kid just cured cancer/herpes
-If your kid just won the presidential election (or, if it's a girl, was crowned Miss America. That's the female equivalent of that accomplishment).
-If your kid just got that kidney they needed
-If your kid just kicked another kid's ass on the playground and you posted the video

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/08/2010 12:26 PM

KChiki, if someone tried to pull a fast one on me and turn the daycare that I thought was secular into some sort of bible school, I would volunteer to bring in snacks the next day and bake cupcakes that say, "BOB SAGET DIED FOR YOUR SINS."

Millie 116,989 28
04/09/2010 10:43 AM

I bragged about my brother on Facebook, because Barak Obama mentioned him NINE TIMES in a recent speech in Maine.

Those of you who are my friends on Facebook may have seen it. Those who aren't my friends suck.

Am I bitter because my twin brother is super successful and I'm a failure? No. I can always glom onto his success to make myself feel important.

MyComedyGoldTurnedGreen Jeen 47,815 51
04/09/2010 11:32 AM

It's awesome to be proud of your family. If you lose your own identity in the process, that's bad. I don't see zug people losing their individual identity anytime soon, therefore you all can brag and it wouldn't bother me in the least.

I know you all care what I think because I'm so important in all your lives!

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/09/2010 11:41 AM

If I brag on Facebook that my kid got engaged, the a week later I get pissed off at him and his "fiancee" and tell them to go piss up a rope, does that even it out somehow?

Millie 116,989 28
04/09/2010 12:36 PM

Only if you post rude comments on their Facebook walls and tag them in humiliated photos so we all can enjoy their discomfort.

Millie 116,989 28
04/09/2010 12:37 PM

Humiliating, even.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/09/2010 01:19 PM

-If your kid just cured cancer/herpes

You have to remember where you're posting that.

For us, it would be if your kid got herpes.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/09/2010 01:36 PM

By the way, if you or a loved one has herpes, you probably shouldn't go around telling people you hardly know. In grad school, I sat next to this guy in one of my classes. He seemed nice enough. We would chat about superficial things off and on. Until one day, for some reason, he tells me that he has herpes. It was the strangest thing.

I sat there for a second, scrambling for an appropriate response that would mask the revulsion I was feeling. I mentally went through my list of things that you typically say when someone tells you something. I finally settled on, "That sucks." I sat on the other side of the room for the rest of the semester.

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/09/2010 01:38 PM

Millie, they're college kids. That means they're professional grade Facebook warriors. I'm old. I wave a cane and rant.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/09/2010 04:49 PM

I brag on facebook when I do clumsy things and hurt myself, but I don't think I ever bring up my real accomplishments. I almost forgot: One time I got so annoyed with one of my facebook friends who was posting insane amounts of pictures of their kid, so I wrote, "Jesus, are you going to post pictures EVERY time you have a baby?" She never responded.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
04/10/2010 01:07 PM

Haha, nice. I'm passive aggressive with mine, if people are being annoying about one thing or another then I just block them off my feed. I don't have any nuisance parents on mine, but I have a few that constantly post about jeebus, and one that won't shut up about her sister's drug problem.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
04/11/2010 11:11 PM

Is the problem that she isn't doing enough of them?

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/12/2010 12:45 AM

I love it when people post stuff like: "Drinking coffee this morning... yum!" Frost you. About a bazillion people are drinking coffee and an unknown percentage of them are finding it to be "yummy". Holy God I hate that Frost-ing word.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/12/2010 12:45 AM

WHERE'S MY Frost-ing YUMMY COFFEE????

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/12/2010 01:16 AM

Frat, it could be worse. They could be using the word "Yummo!"

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/12/2010 01:17 AM

I went to my 10am class and the professor shows up, hands us her notes for the day, says she hasn't had her morning coffee and calls off class.

...yum.

Madame KChiki 128,446 98
04/12/2010 06:39 AM

Okay, my turn to rant.

The chick I mentioned before just sent out an email, which I was included on. I'm assuming it was addressed to a lot of family or out-of-towners (I hope). The body of the email said,

"I uploaded these videos to youtube and you can view them by clicking on the blue link below or by copying it and pasting it into your web browser. They are from the day she was born until now. There's quite a few of them but most of them are pretty short. Enjoy! I will always be updating these."

There are 15 links to Youtube videos below the message. 15!! Look, your kid did not do anything in 6 months that my kid hasn't done in 2 years. I DO NOT CARE!!

Not only that, but there was a follow-up email:

"I must apologize...I have set the videos to private because we don't want the whole world watching our daughter. In order to view them, you must first create an account on YouTube and then subscribe to my channel [channelname] and I can add you to watch them. Sorry about all the hoopla to see [baby name]."

Umm, no.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/12/2010 06:53 AM

Just email her back and say, "Look, if I have to jump through this many hoops to look at the baby pictures, by the time I get there I'm no longer going to be in the mood to masturbate to them".

You'll probably never get another email from her. From "the authorities", maybe, but hey, that's the chance you take.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
04/12/2010 09:53 AM

Meh, if you've seen one baby, you've pretty much seen them all. They're bald. They eat and poop and whine. Sometimes the most horrible things come spewing out of their mouths.

Actually, you don't even need to see videos of babies to see all of that. Just watch Dr. Phil.

Millie 116,989 28
04/12/2010 01:50 PM

I don't care, I'll admit it. I like Dr. Phil.

Sock Popstar 18,572 33
04/13/2010 12:55 AM

Yeah but how many babies are HALF LOBSTER?!?!?! Just mine. That's right! And she's the cutest damn lobster monster baby there ever was!

Nachos 57,521 23
04/13/2010 01:52 AM

In England the word Lobster is a regional colloquialism for people suffering from both mental and physical retardation.

I mention this for no particular reason other than my own amusement.

Delicious & British, it's Marmite! 12,955 12
04/13/2010 03:31 AM

Really, Nachos? Where? We just call em Spackas where I'm from. Or Jubblies. Which can get confusing at times as some people use that to mean boobies.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/13/2010 11:16 AM

British folks are weird.

Nachos 57,521 23
04/13/2010 05:43 PM

Not really. We're just well-versed in obscure Americana.

Delicious & British, it's Marmite! 12,955 12
04/15/2010 02:36 AM

Bet he gave a mean wank though.......

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/15/2010 02:27 PM

Guess what, everyone? BRENNAN BRADEN JADEN AIDEN MADISON EMMALYN ASHLYN ROLLED OVER FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY! YOU NEED TO CARE ABOUT THIS!

Seriously, she even posted a video of him rolling over. I lost my temper and posted, "So what? I started doing this almost 21 years ago. I win."

Nachos 57,521 23
04/15/2010 07:45 PM

Bet he gave a mean wank though.......

Personally I work on the philosophy that if you have to take half of it home in a bag afterwards they were probably gripping too tight.

Waste Disposal Unit 747 8
04/16/2010 09:53 AM

Look Cinder, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
06/13/2010 01:27 PM

UPDATE!

She unfriended me! I think it might have something to do with a recent status that was the result of frustration with her and other people: "That's it. From now on, if anyone posts excessively about their kid, I'm posting another picture of my cat."

Crip Walkin' Ravos 63,472 21
06/13/2010 02:07 PM

If she can't accept your lifestyle choices, she wasn't a real friend anyway.

Jesus Sandals + Socks 4,199 12
06/13/2010 07:57 PM

Is your Poe really that bad?

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
06/13/2010 08:11 PM

I love this thread.


I know a woman who got married at 19 to a marginally employed musician who was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

I just read that post (which I made) and had to think for a minute who I was talking about. Then it hit me - that poor woman is now married to a guy with early signs of senile dementia.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
01/26/2011 10:45 PM

Bump because some relative of mine just posted a long-winded ranting status addressed to Jesus thanking him for her granddaughter, who is two today. I wanted to tell her that Jesus isn't on facebook often so she's better off texting him.

S-s-s-s-s-straw 98,023 37
01/26/2011 11:12 PM

Heh. My local mom group recently started a thread about Facebook stuff they consider annoying. I'm not sure if it was something said in the thread, but soon after two of the moms have started talking smack about each other on Facebook itself with other moms egging them on.

KatDawg 10,055 11
01/27/2011 12:50 PM

Baby mama drama is always good fun. I love that STFU Parents blog on Tumbler.

Bean 8,607 19
01/27/2011 01:49 PM

Most of my posts are not about my kids, but last night I posted that my 2 year old peed in the potty for the first time. What I did NOT say, however, was that I didn't think she had actually peed, and when I picked her up, the removable potty chair cup stuck to her and then spilled pee on the bathroom floor.

Whistler 186,133 44
01/27/2011 01:59 PM

Potty trained kids are awesome. My daughter will take off her diaper from time to time and Shakespeare on the carpet. My wife says it's a step in the right direction. The guys from Stanley Steemer say it's $99 for three rooms any time I want, because I'm a frequent flier.

Marma-Mia 12,955 12
01/27/2011 03:50 PM

That's what you tell the neighbours the Shakespeare stains on the carpet are all about. In no way are they caused by the depraved scat parties you and the wife host.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/29/2011 12:10 AM

Update:

DIVORCED.

Haaaaaahahaha...

Thud 68,525 19
12/29/2011 12:48 AM

Oof.


So, how you doing?

ringworm 68,315 13
12/29/2011 02:31 AM

late entry, but if new parents absolutely must post pictures of the spawn, couldn't they at least have the decency to wipe the Frost-ing snot off their kids' faces before snapping the pic? i don't mind telling a friend of 20 years that their pride and joy looks disgusting, but i'd still prefer not to, so don't force me.

i was cleaning out a rental a while back, and i found some of those "angel baby" photos - jpegs of miscarried fetuses in doll clothes have nothing on an actual in-your-hands photograph of the same. one of these days, i'm going to frame them.

Supreme Leader Kim Jong Chickens 286,642 61
12/29/2011 08:00 AM

Signs are good that come March, our foster baby will be our adopted baby and I will have over a year's worth of awesomeness to upload in one day.

Beware.

Yes, I will be in my 60s before he hits 18.

Insanity, thy name is Chickens.