The Tea Party Prank, Part 2 A comedy article
by John Hargrave 128,751 73 04/14/2010 10:06 PM 19225 views
I was proudly representing the Nut-Tea Party, a prank group made up of people holding silly signs [Read Part 1 here]. I was standing a few feet away from Sarah Palin, holding up a giant sign reading I LIKE HAM.
I kept my sign raised proudly, even when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Soon the tapping was on both shoulders, but I kept my sign aloft -- until someone forcibly pulled it down.
Now there was an altercation. Someone was climbing on top of me, using my back as leverage, to rip my sign down. Because I had on an enormous gay hat, this drew everyone's attention -- including Sarah Palin, who briefly looked up from her notes to register what was happening, then back down again, unable or unwilling to stand up for the rights of ham lovers.
Like this, but with 10,000 additional people aroud me.
I regained control of my sign, landing it on the ground in front of me. Suddenly I found myself surrounded by three burly men: one squeezing himself directly in front of me with a Sarah Palin sign so I could not move, a leather-clad biker type pressing against me on my left, and a bulky fellow on my right who started forcibly pulling my signs away from me.
It was freaky: I was in the middle of a huge crowd, with three guys who could easily take me out (I'm small). I didn't know if they were hired guns, or just loyal patriots, but they were definitely coordinated, and angry. I sat through the next few minutes of Palin's speech, engaged in a quiet tug-of-war with the guy trying to steal my signs. My mind was racing, weighing whether it would be worth the risk to display my second sign: OY, MY BUNIONS.
Meanwhile, this kind of sign was fine.
I was truly scared. On the one hand, these guys could follow me back to my car with chains. On the other hand, I only wanted to complain about a structural deformity of my foot. Didn't I have the right, as an American, to kvetch about the enlargement of tissue around my big toe?
As Sarah Palin crescendoed into a rousing description of the bravery of our founding fathers, of their courage in opposing unfair taxes, I took her lead and fearlessly held up my sign.
There was an immediate cry from behind me to PUT THE SIGN DOWN, followed by a chaotic moment in which TWO guys surged forward to wrench the ridiculous signs from my hand. I was shoved down to the ground, stepped on, and kicked.
I clawed my way back up, determined to follow the guys hauling off my prank signs. The crowd was shouting at me now, shoving me forward. Someone ripped off my watch; someone else stole my hat. I luched forward, desperate to escape the melee. Mobbed to death at a Sarah Palin rally. That would be an embarrassing way to die.
To encourage oil drilling in protected American lands, Sarah began leading the crowd in an angry chant of "DRILL BABY, DRILL!" as the crowd pushed me out like a kidney stone. I was about thirty rows from the stage before the jeering and taunts finally died down. I looked over my shoulder, but no one was following me. I was safe.
Some people feel strongly about their cause. Some people feel alarmingly, disturbingly, frighteningly, angrily, violently about their cause.
This is why I think the world needs the Nut-Tea Party. Fighting prejudice with silliness: that's my kind of party. No one in the Nut-Tea Party gets violent, unless they slap you with a rubber chicken or an oversized flounder.
With a tear in my eye, I sat down on the Boston Common and penned the following pledge:
I pledge allegiance to the laughs for the United States of America. And to the ridiculousness for which it stands One nonsense under God Inappropriate With laughter and jesters for all.
You have the right to free speech as long as you agree with me, are bigger than me, or have a court order and police protection. America is not that complicated. I don't know why you foreigners have such a hard time understanding it.
John, if you'd simply explained to them that HAM stands for 'Hassling Abortion Moms' or 'Hoarding Automatic Munitions', they'd have probably lifted you and your sign up on their shoulders for the camera.
'Harebrained Alaskan MILFs' might be closer to the truth. But you'd be in a shallow grave somewhere west of Springfield right now.
Very funny liberaL where on to you You think you can just walk into our patriotic demonstration and make fun of us and get awAy with it? Not on your life I'm wearing your watch right now It doesn't work is this one of those windy things I don't see no buttons. Leave it to a liberal to get a not workig watch stole from him by a patriot
I aint no cowardly retard Your the cowardly zebra or whatever. You liberals think your so smart and funny We KNOW the secret code of your sign I LIKE HAM
it stands for Hate America Immensely The Tea party is a peadeful party until it comes to messing with America.
Being neutral in the whole political debate I can say with a doubt that remarks such as this:
I aint no cowardly retard Your the cowardly zebra or whatever. You liberals think your so smart and funny We KNOW the secret code of your sign I LIKE HAM
it stands for Hate America Immensely The Tea party is a peadeful party until it comes to messing with America.
do more damage to your cause than your opponents could ever hope to.
Everything we don't agree with or understand is aconspirasy. Global warming is a liberal conspirasy. So is plate tectronics
You liberals think your so smart. you voted for that illegal immigrant Barack Obama He was not born in America He is not even of this earth He is a space alien.
I have the proof. It's buried in a hole in the back yard in case Im raided bu the feds
And the
Oops..... gotta go The timer that reminds me to take my meds just went "DING"
Liberal or Conservative had nothing to do with it. Some selfish jackass held up a huge ass sign and blocked the view for dozens and dozens of people. If you weren't being rude they probably would have applauded you instead. Seriously Jeff how many times can you fail at this?
I just love the "I Like HAM" sign! Mighty clever. It's too bad Palin didn't comment on the sign. She might've said something like "Well I'm glad I have the support of ham lovers in Boston!",followed by a hollow,sterile laughter. Oh she can be so hot.......
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