Zolton Under Glass 88,214 34
04/15/2010 02:24 AM

It appears that I will soon start looking for a better job.

Wait. There are even snootier mail routes than in French Canadia?

I did not know that.

Zolton Under Glass 88,214 34
04/15/2010 02:30 AM

Also, if they ask any questions about how you deal with conflict in the workplace, it's probably best not to use the phrases 'up in his bidness', 'slap a bitch' or 'poppa cap in that punk ass'.

On the other hand, this is a mail job. Maybe play it by ear.

Delicious & British, it's Marmite! 12,955 12
04/15/2010 02:33 AM

In this country, if you're on welfare (dole), they make you attend a certain number of job interviews ("actively seeking employment") so that you tick all the boxes. In order to maintain welfare for as long as possible (and therefore get paid to do Frost all) it's important to not get the job...

I'm guessing the worst thing (or best depending on circumstances) would be something along the lines of "I'm only here because the dole office told me to come"

I should think another sure fire way of getting escorted off the premises is:
"so, before we go any further, do you employ blacks, jews or lesbians?"

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
04/15/2010 02:38 AM

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last employer?

You: The restraining order said I had to stay 250 feet away at all times, and they wouldn't let me work from home.

the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
04/15/2010 02:44 AM

I'd ask to see the interviewer's resume to make sure that they are qualified to judge you.



Leave your top couple of buttons on your shirt undone so the interviewer can see your lacy bra.


Light up a joint and ask if they'd like to join you.

Dianada 57,835 109
04/15/2010 02:53 AM

Yeah Mailman, show us your lacy bra!

Spring Fresh Midgets 96,151 48
04/15/2010 02:53 AM

Interviewer: Give me three examples of how maintaining good inter-office relations are a benefit to you.

You:I've spoken to the receptionist, your secretary, and now you and you're all on my "I'd hit it between 12 and closing time" list.

MungChamp 35,891 35
04/15/2010 03:01 AM

Pick any of the following:

Just out of curiosity, how long do you cach visited websites?

For my personal reference, is it okay if I only know the guy’s Xbox gamer tag?


And for the ladies...

Does your health plan cover abortions? If so, can I start today?

Pastel Dyed Baby Chix 286,642 61
04/15/2010 03:02 AM

Wear your Fight Club tshirt to the interview.

vulcangirl1983 52 6
04/15/2010 03:27 AM

This is from a personal experience. I manage a store and a customer handed me their application. On it it said reason for leaving your previous place of employment: well my boss was a jerk, and I didn't like him telling me what to do. Yeah sure. Doesn't like authority, check.

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
04/15/2010 03:28 AM

Don't mention the bodies. Never mention the bodies.

First Straw of Spring 98,023 37
04/15/2010 03:37 AM

"Tell me something about yourself that you believe would be a benefit to the company."



"Well, when I'm working out a problem in my head I like to play the ukulele. I've realized over the years that not only does it help me to think, but it apparently alleviates stress for my coworkers. I can hear them exhaling in relief all over the office whenever I start strumming."

SHP 181,795 70
04/15/2010 03:49 AM

I am currently working on implementation of a new performance management system. I have researched and reviewed these processes for well over three months. Nowhere in any of my research is it indicated that blow jobs are part of evaluation process. I can only assume this is true for interviews too. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Running with Scissors 3,510 12
04/15/2010 03:51 AM

Do not mention that you will be spending several hours a day on Zug.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/15/2010 03:55 AM

Q: This job requires you to lift up to 50 pounds. Is that going to be a problem?
A: All at once?

Dasypygal-unwaxed 14,811 17
04/15/2010 03:57 AM

Don't let them know your balls have a wicked itch and feel like they're on fire.

That will eliminate you from the hiring pool because it will cause their insurance premiums to go up, on the other hand it is a pre-existing condition so you will have to handle it on your own, on the other hand foot, you live in Canadia with a national health care system so it shouldn't matter.

So show the guy your flaming balls, you might impress him.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/15/2010 03:59 AM

Q: Do you have any samples of the webpage design you listed on your resume?
A: I'm so glad you asked...

Spring Fresh Midgets 96,151 48
04/15/2010 04:08 AM

Stop doing that.

Dasypygal-unwaxed 14,811 17
04/15/2010 04:59 AM

What the hell is happening?!!!?

I feel dizzy...

The Mailman 176,467 56
04/15/2010 05:33 AM

Q: When can you start?

A: Normally I should give my current employer a two-week notice, but I'm sure I can come up with something that will get me fired on the spot this afternoon.

Dianada 57,835 109
04/15/2010 05:47 AM

Il est sorcire!

Dasypygal-unwaxed 14,811 17
04/15/2010 05:52 AM

It got HER wet

Future Druggist 2,533 11
04/15/2010 05:54 AM

Where that petition against inline pics go?

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
04/15/2010 06:17 AM

Dey terk er jerbs!

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/15/2010 06:37 AM

You people are giving me a seizure.

First Straw of Spring 98,023 37
04/15/2010 06:40 AM

"What is the single most important lesson you've learned?"

"Not to tell people on Zug to stop doing something because it annoys me."

the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
04/15/2010 07:14 AM

Leave your top couple of buttons on your shirt undone so the interviewer can see your lacy bra.


Mailman? That was the point.

Ceci n'est pas une Phla 131,068 34
04/15/2010 11:15 AM

"I'm very good at not setting things on fire."

vulcangirl1983 52 6
04/15/2010 11:22 AM

But fires are fun.

Ceci n'est pas une Phla 131,068 34
04/15/2010 11:29 AM

Your lack of irony troubles me.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/15/2010 11:48 AM

"Back in 1999 when I used to work for the internet..."

I actually heard this today during an interview for an open position here in ITS. If she had produced a letter of reference from MAE East, I would have had an erection so huge we would have had to open a window.

Fratberry 283,051 53
04/15/2010 11:51 AM

Granted, it's a really small office.

Pubah...AKA Willie Deckham 56,851 18
04/16/2010 11:27 AM

Interviewer: What do you see yourself doing in five years?
You (Pick one): Your Job
Your Daughter
Ten to Fifteen for Manslaughter

Guarenteed to keep you on The Dole

Thirsty McSurley, now with 100%+E 4,444 12
04/16/2010 02:48 PM

I don't have to drug test for this do I?

Whistler P. McManus 186,133 44
04/16/2010 02:55 PM

I'd like to get the drug test over with right now, if you've got a cup handy.

Thirsty McSurley, now with 100%+E 4,444 12
04/16/2010 04:26 PM

no cup? ok I'll just pee in my shoe, you can keep it...

Age before beauty 3 6
04/19/2010 12:27 AM

Definately don't mention Knife throwing,

and do your best not to say this.

Pram 80,728 42
04/19/2010 12:29 AM

"I have shoe experience".

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 63,472 21
04/19/2010 12:52 AM

I was just wondering if there are any playgrounds or schools around here. Because I'm not allowed near them anymore.

Satans Toenails 4,199 12
04/19/2010 09:32 AM

Employer: Is there anything you'd like to ask?

Applicant: So what you're saying is that you really do want me to play violin at children's partys?