The Wal-Mart Prank: 24 Hours Locked Inside a Super Wal-Mart, Part 2
A comedy article
by Bayan Rabbani  2,826  14
04/19/2010 09:00 AM 18521 views
|
|
My goal was to spend 24 consecutive hours in a Super Walmart [read Part 1 here], and although I was delirious and incredibly sick of bargains, I was determined to finish. Here's the tweet-by-tweet action, as it happened.
I'm so delirious opening this bank account at Woodforest. Derrick is my friend. He taught me about gay clubs. 3:48 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
Derrick is a cool dude. I met him at the bank and he opened up my checking account for me. Naturally, I'll never use the account, but you can't blame me for opening it up. In my delirium, I didn't know any better. He put up with a lot of my crap and my constant annoyance of him and the staff there. Derrick, if you're reading this, add me on Facebook.
This is D.J. I just hired her to be my accountant. 4:06 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
D.J. is a legit accountant. She convinced me to let her do my taxes. Too bad I profited less last year than the U.S. economy.
Someone remind me in the future not to ask a black guy in a black suit if he's a part of MIB. He was helllaaaa mad. 4:44 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
Me: Nice suit man.
Guy: Thanks.
Me: You're not part of MIB are you?
Guy: MI -- what? What the Frost you tryin' to say?
Me: Men In Black. It was a movie a while back, they made a sequel. Will Smith was in it.
Guy: Never seen it.
Me: Oh. Well bye.
Guy: Yeah.
just attempted a cartwheel and ate it hard against a register. Why has no one said anything to me yet? 5:26 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
No one was looking, so I attempted some amateur acrobatics. I failed miserably and my shoulder is still sore.
It's sad when you lose at Tic Tac Toe against yourself.
Damn it! ABC isn't coming anymore cause they are busy covering the earthquake in Haiti. Coleridgeblocked by a natural disaster. 6:11 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
A friend of mine called every TV station in Houston, trying to get them to come out and interview me. They all pretty much said, "We'd love to, but all our staff is busy covering the earthquake in Haiti. Any other day, we'd jump on it." ABC showed the most promise out of all of the networks. I spoke to their representative several times and although she was kind, like all the rest of the women in my life (aside from my wonderful mother), she rejected the Shakespeare out of me.
I'm considering upping my stay to 36 hours ... or maybe 48 ... Thoughts? Just downed 10 nuggets and fries. Getting sick of Mcdonalds. 6:24 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
Please disregard this moment of retardation on my part. There's no way I could have lasted 36 or even 48 hours. You know what that means, right? It means I have to try it one day.
Gonna be doing this for the next couple of hours, or until my legs give out. 6:45 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
I'm not sure why I thought I could stand and play Wii for a while. My legs cramped within five minutes.
5 hours left ... An energy shot will make me last. Eh ... I should probably have 2. But Bayan, that's dangerous. You're not the boss of me!! 7:02 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
The voices inside my head cared about me. I miss them.
Best looking girl in the history of Walmart, and I'm too delirious to speak to her. End my life. 8:35 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
I honestly got up to speak to her when I saw her walk in. I wanted to tell her my story and have her fall in love with me, then rescue me from the state of hell I was in. However, my eyes were twitching and I smelled like formaldehyde's cousin (Shakespearealdehyde). Hot girl, if you're reading this ... please, call me. I promise I'm not crazy.
An employee yelled "Shut up!" to me after I stood in the middle of the lingerie section and screamed "Spring Break!" at the top of my lungs. 8:49 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
It was one of those moments where it just felt right to say something like that. I stood up straight, put my chest out, shoulders back and had at it thinking no one was around. Little did I know, an employee was standing behind me.
At midnight, I will ride Rasputin (my new friend) home and sleep for the next 4 months. 9:05 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
I lost track of him when I was using the restroom later in the night, and my heart still yearns for him. I'll never forget you Rasputin.
Who plays solitaire in Walmart on a Wednesday night by themselves? This guy. 9:16 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
A look into my future.
I just heard "Will the man in the green sweatshirt please come to register one? Thank you." Probably gonna give me a key to the city. Brb. 9:47 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
Oh God, this was amazing. Too bad they just wanted to know what I was doing in the store. Apparently, they had finally noticed I was in the store, twenty-two hours into the experiment. When I told them my mission, they just laughed and told me not to get into trouble.
I'm 91.7% of the way there. First "A" I've ever received in my life. Less than 2 hours to go ... 10:03 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
True story. You don't want to see my school transcripts.
LaToya didn't wanna take the pic, but I knew I'd get it eventually. Love you boo, miss you already. Call me. 10:11 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
This girl hates me. I kept trying to take pictures with her throughout the day.
I wanna attach myself to this and fly home, or to Hooters. I'm good either way. 10:59 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
I looked for a bungee cord so I could hook myself onto there, but the shred of rationality I had left in my mind told me it could only end in disaster.
I work for free. A line seriously formed just now. 11:26 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
This was amusing.
It's as if I've been in prison for years. I'm afraid of the real world. I don't wanna leave. Walmart feels like home now. 11:44 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that Walmart really started to feel like home. I know it had been only 24 hours, but I couldn't imagine not being there. I finally understand those prisoners who have been imprisoned for decades. It really is difficult to leave a place that you have become familiar with. I'm still jittery.
As we go on, we remember, all the times we ... had together. And as our lives change, from whatever, we still be ... friends forever. 11:55 PM Jan 13th from Twitterrific
Great song. Very appropriate.
I yelled "Victory is mine!!" as I walked out. I love you Walmart, see you again soon. 12:01 AM Jan 14th from Twitterrific
I strutted out in complete victory, even though the only people who cared were me, and my brother who took this picture (he came at 11:50 to pick me up).
All in all, my 24-hour incarceration inside Walmart was quite an experience. I'm confident that I know the price of every item, and could easily lead you to anything in the store in a heartbeat. If you have any questions about any part of my time in Walmart, please leave a comment below.
After going through this, I honestly don't think I'll ever set foot in another Walmart again.
Only kidding; I need to get some fruit and my tires rotated.
Bayan Rabbani currently writes for the men's lifestyle blog, lifeat160.com. He is also an A-List writer for ZUG and welcomes most Facebook friend requests.
|
|
|
Like This? Rate It!
|
|
Hilarious
41 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150604
|
|
|
|
|
|
Also Recommended on ZUG:
|
|
|
|
Funny
5 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150608
John Hargrave 128,123  71
04/19/2010 09:09 AM
The most underrated stunt of this year. As someone who goes crazy after 15 minutes in Walmart, I can't imagine how nutty you must feel after 24 solid hours.
Really funny article -- it will have the place of honor on our homepage for the next 24 hours.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
5 votes
3.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150628
Running with Scissors 3,504 12
04/19/2010 01:26 PM
I five clickied you for your sheer determination for staying in Super Wal-Mart for 24 hours.
One of my New Year's resolutions each January 1st is to not step foot in a Wal-Mart for the upcoming year. I am perfect through the past 2 years and 4 months.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
5 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150639
OmegaLazarus 243 10
04/19/2010 04:06 PM
One of my New Year's resolutions each January 1st is to not step foot in a Wal-Mart for the upcoming year. I am perfect through the past 2 years and 4 months.
Sounds like someone doesn't like big savings on Rollback prices.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
6 votes
3.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150649
Phuc 237,453 20
04/19/2010 11:08 PM
So are you compelled to vote Republican now?
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150659
Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 62,361 20
04/19/2010 11:53 PM
Rasputin is pretty awesome.
|
| |
|
|
|
Side-splitting
3 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150699
Brewery byproduct 12,940 12
04/20/2010 03:20 AM
I can't imagine spending for than an 2 hours in Asda (our Walmart). The green-carders herding the trollies frighten me.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150712
Dan Cross 99 6
04/20/2010 04:22 AM
That was awesome.
Love to see someone spend 24 hours in a supermarket, including when it's closed though. Which film was that?
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150733
the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
04/20/2010 05:59 AM
Simply suberb!
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
1 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150734
the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
04/20/2010 06:00 AM
Frost, make that superb.
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150751
Abril 0 4
04/20/2010 10:55 AM
Hey man... youre so funny guy...
he hey i live in Mexico, and in mexico the
Wallmarts sucks!!! really sucks...
they close at 11:00pm.. :( lol..
really thats so boring...
but he hey...
i like what yo do...
but it was very stupid!!!
dont have something else to do???
ajajajajjaa....
he hey.. dont get mad.. ntk...
its a joke... i cant stop laughting
and all cause of you.. ajajjaja
really man...
I LOVE YOU!!!
DBTM...
so congratulations budy!!!
keep doing things like that...
i will keeep check this out...
so.. luck!! my best wishes and
here os my mail: abril_blink182_greenday@hotmail.com
see uu..
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
3 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150770
Future Druggist 2,530 10
04/20/2010 02:14 PM
I see quite a few offers to expand your manhood coming your way.
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150970
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
04/22/2010 07:30 AM
Unlikely, but who knows.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150984
Jeeni 43,391 49
04/22/2010 09:09 AM
Just the fluorescent lighting in there would drive me crazy.
Nice job as always Bayan. Wow, look at the views on your article!
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
2 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054150985
Jeeni 43,391 49 checks to see if Bayan made it on the "People of WalMart" website.
04/22/2010 09:10 AM
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054152394
BobbyPeru 45 6
05/02/2010 05:35 PM
Hilarious and Unfathomable!! But certainly amusing from the other side of the fence. The beauty of this experiment is that you could snag tons of interesting pictures for the People of Wal-Mart website!
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170627
chiwar7178 0 4
09/06/2010 03:11 PM
The last time I attempted to execute the 100 Funny Things to do at Wal-Mart list, I was asked to leave the store on Dunvale... They didn't like me kicking the soccer ball around.
|
|
|
|
Store
