Human Organ Salesman: Will People Buy Organs Off the Street From a Stranger? A comedy article
by John Hargrave 128,751 73 04/30/2010 06:40 AM 6806 views
We've all heard those stories about people selling human organs on the black market, but what kind of people buy these organs? Could we sell human organs to complete strangers?
To find out, we dressed our longtime contributor, Dr. Moses Blumenstiel, in a white lab coat and gave him a Styrofoam cooler full of human organs. We stood on the streets of Austin, TX, accompanied by our old friend Rob Coleridgeerham, and tried to sell human hearts, livers, and kidneys to random strangers.
"ORGANS!" yelled Dr. Blumenstiel from the street corner, like a carny barker. "HUMAN ORGANS FOR SALE! GET YER ORGANS!" We quickly drew a crowd of people, who were pretty evenly divided between amusement, curiosity, and disgust.
A few brave souls approached Dr. Blumenstiel to ask about selling prices. "Human hearts for $25.00!" he shouted.
"How about $15.00?" someone yelled.
"Okay, $15.00!" he said. It seemed there would be a lot of heavy discounting going on.
A college student named Tim approached us about buying one of the human hearts. He eventually haggled us down to $5.00. "But I need a bag," he said.
"A bag?!" exclaimed Dr. Blumenstiel. We hadn't even thought about a bag. Someone quickly ran and got a plastic convenience store bag, which Dr. Blumenstiel used to wrap the slimy, oozing heart.
The next guy didn't even need a bag -- he just bare-handed the heart and walked away. "Wish I had a barbecue grill," he muttered.
"It also makes excellent soup!" called Dr. Blumenstiel.
As our sales began to heat up, Dr. Blumenstiel broke out the balls. "WE HAVE A SPECIAL ON TESTICLES!" he shouted. "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE!" He did a little freeform juggling with the testes, accidentally dropping one on the ground. "Whoops!" he shouted, fumbling a slippery cream cracker as it rolled into the street.
All in all, we sold human organs to not one, not two, but three customers -- including this group of high school girls, who were thrilled with their purchase, even though they weren't quite sure what organ it was. (Common complaint.)
We had thought people would be too nice to buy human organs from a complete stranger. It turns out, when they see a good deal, pretty are actually pretty heartless.
If you enjoyed Human Organ Salesman, you might also enjoy The Twitter Bird Prank, in which Dr. Blumenstiel dresses up as a giant insane bird and terrorizes a convention.
OK, I'll drop the shoe...
Where'd ya get the organs John?!
The police said that if they caught you hanging around the cometary again you'd be looking at doing some serious time.
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