The WAFLCON Prank, Part 2 A comedy article
by John Hargrave 128,751 73 05/05/2010 08:42 AM 2302 views
We were at ROFLcon, the Internet pop culture convention, putting on our own competing event called WAFLCON [Read Part 1 here]. Even though everyone thought WAFLCON was a prank, we showed up the next morning, as advertised, with a thousand waffles.
It was a beautiful spread, with waffles, butter, maple syrup, honey, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, whipped cream, fresh fruit, and colored sprinkles. It looked like a buffet for overweight unicorns.
Insulin kit not included.
The crowds started lining up for waffles early, and except for all six toasters continually blowing our power strip -- apparently you need a nuclear reactor to power six toasters simultaneously -- WAFLCON went off without a hitch. Moe threw on his waffle costume, Bess helped us serve, and our friend Rob C0ckerham and his wife Stacy made sure that people leggoed each other's Eggos.
The guys from Cornify actually Cornified their waffle.
Autotune the News discovers that waffles are not capable of pitch shifting.
Internet legend Mahir "I Kiss You" Cagri even stepped behind the booth for a while, and while Stacy tried to explain to him how waffles worked, he kissed her.
The slightest hint of syrup was on his lips
"Are you going to stand for that?" I asked Rob, who was standing nearby. "Mahir kissing your wife?"
"Hey, it's Mahir," he said. "That's what he does."
It's important to have a Steadicam to film waffles.
There were tons of media organizations at the event, and they all wanted waffles. We ended up doing a lengthy bit for G4TV's "Attack of the Show," which involved the attractive G4 host spraying Waffle Boy with whipped cream. Moses began erotically smearing the whipped cream all over his waffle costume, like he was a male stripper with a breakfast fetish.
Many G4TV fans would pay money to have this woman spray them with whipped cream.
"Okay, that was great," said the director, "but we need a little less sexiness from the waffle. They won't let us air that."
So they did another take. And another. And another. Moses kept smearing the whipped cream like he was doing a Belgian porno.
"Still too sexy," said the director. "We can't air this. Just pretend like you're having a good time."
"I am," protested Moe.
So. Very. Aroungry.
They kept doing take after take, covering Moe with six cans of whipped cream. Eventually they settled for just getting closeups of Moe's face, while they sprayed the remnants of whipped cream over his head. Twenty-one takes in all -- and during the last one, the host accidentally smacked his nose with the whipped cream can, giving him a bloody nose, which began dripping onto the waffle costume.
"You know it's a successful WAFLCON," I said, "when someone's left bloody and covered in cream."
Don't get fur in that waffle
We served hundreds upon hundreds of waffles, until every convention-goer was stuffed with carbohydrates and syrup. As people Tweeted and posted pictures of the unexpected breakfast surprise at ROFLcon, there were still some people online who thought it was all a massive prank -- that everyone was making it up.
"WAFLCON?" one user Tweeted. "Yeah, right."
If you enjoyed The WAFLCON Prank, you should also check out The Twitter Bird Prank, in which we crashed another convention by dressing up Moses like the Twitter mascot suffering from heat exhaustion.
I am going to Boston this weekend. I was going to impregnate Jade, but after this I am going to impregnate John. I'm kidding John, I am going to have sex with your wife, but thanks for the whipped cream and syrup idea. That way when you get into bed and there's a sticky spot, you won't know exactly what it is.
I'm a straight guy*, but even I have to say that it's not possible for Moe to be anything but sexy. He could be pumicing Nancy Reagan's corns and straight and gay men alike would all be sportin' massive wood. Add a cream-covered waffle costume to that and you've got a perfect storm of sexy.
If you enjoyed The WAFLCON Prank, you should also check out The Twitter Bird Prank, in which waswe crashed another convention by dressing up Moses like the Twitter mascot suffering from heat exhaustion.
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