Prank Phone Call to Band-Aid A comedy article
by John Hargrave 128,123 71 06/04/2010 11:18 PM 4517 views
I was putting a Band-Aid on a flesh wound recently, when I realized that Band-Aids are made for the white man.Look at the color!
I called up Johnson and Johnson, the lily-white company that makes the famous bandage, and confronted them as my alter ego, Harvey, a hardened Boston Irishman. Ironically, I got a young black woman on the phone. She was extremely polite, but she did not exactly share my outrage.
JOHNSON & JOHNSON: Thank you for calling Band-Aid, my name is Shanice, how can I help you?
JOHN HARGRAVE: I was using your Band-Aids there for a sore, like a blister. I was working out in the yard, in my garden, and I got a little canker. Like a carbuncle. So I got out a Band-Aid, and I noticed something. All your Band-Aids are for white people.
J&J: Hmm! Are for white people? What do you mean?
JH: They're peach-colored, like the color of the white man.
J&J: Mmm-hmm.
JH: And I want to say that's very offensive to me.
J&J: Well, we do have clear Band-Aids.
JH: That doesn't help! The idea is to make Band-Aids in the skin color of the person wearing them. The fact that you only make Band-Aids for caucasians is kind of an insult to my people.
J&J: [Pause] Okay, sir. I can make that suggestion for you. I can document that information.
JH: I'm Boston Irish, so I'm like a ghost, you know. I'm almost transparent, I'm so white. These Band-Aids don't match my flesh. They look like I had an unsuccessful skin graft or something.
J&J: Okay.
JH: Is Johnson and Johnson racist?
J&J: No, they're not racist. That's just the color of the Band-Aids they chose.
JH: Do they have separate drinking fountains for the Irish?
J&J:[Pause] No.
JH: When are they going to make Band-Aids in other colors, like chocolate, or cinnamon, or mocha?
J&J: I'm not sure, sir. Like I said, I can make a suggestion for you.
JH: Or butterscotch. Cafe au lait. Carob fudge delight. Are you getting all these?
J&J: Yeah.
JH: Brownie 'n' Nuts.
J&J: Okay, so I'm going to document this information, sir, and forward the information, okay?
JH: Toffee. I forgot that one.
J&J: Yeah.
JH: I'm boycotting Band-Aids until I see an ebony and an ivory Band-Aid living together in perfect harmony. That's it. I'm done! I'm done. I'm gonna just use gauze, and tape.
J&J: You can use the clear Band-Aids.
JH: But what if I forget it's there? That's the problem with the clear ones.
J&J: What happens?
JH: You lose track of 'em. You forget you're wearing them.
J&J: Yeah, that's the whole point. You don't want to walk around knowing that you have one on. It's only for your wound protection.
JH: It's like those panties with invisible panty lines. Sometimes you forget you're wearing them.
J&J: Yeah, you can use whatever Band-Aid you prefer to use.
JH: Look, this country fought long and hard for racial equality, I along with all my other brothers of color. And you know what? Down with the white man. Okay? Down with Whitey, and his racist sterile bandages!
J&J: That's your opinion.
JH: Now listen. I want you to go march into the CEO of Johnson and Johnson, right now, and you tell him that we're going to start making Band-Aids for the Irish! Tell him we're gonna call them "McBandies." Is that doable?
J&J: Yes, sir.
JH: I'm looking forward to seeing some of those new colors on the shelves.
J&J: Okay.
JH: And not blue, okay? Don't go Avatar.
J&J: All right. Well, I thank you for giving that information, okay?
JH: You're welcome. Okay.
J&J: Thank you. [Click]
Those guys better be careful, or this could turn into a race riot. And who would get their riot wounds bandaged first? THE WHITE MAN!
So nice to see someone sticking up for people who are melanin deprived. By the way, did you notice clear bandages cost more? They're practically raping non-peach people!
Welcome, to Zug, John Smith. Great pic repsonse, hehe! Would have given you a fiver if you changed your name to Edward, James or Robert Johnson!
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