My name is Luke, and my tongue's trying to emigrate. That's because I'm eating potato chips along with what they claim to taste like (read Part 1 here). So far, not a single chip has stood up to reality.
Worcestershire Sauce
Worcestershire sauce raises the game: it may be just another chemical condiment in a bag, but this is the best condiment ever made. Meat, cocktails, there is nothing it can't improve (and there is nothing I care about that doesn't fall under those two terms).
Worcestershire sauce is made of fermented anchovies and tamarind, proving that it involves more sorcery than cooking. Frito-Lay chemists took one look at its centuries of culinary impossibility and decided, "Eh, just stick some half-burny flavoring on them."
I used to love Worcestershire sauce crisps, and I don't know if they've changed or I have, but these had about as much flavor as the instructions for a light switch.
Chips With Worcestershire
Dipping a chip in actual worcestershire -- surely this will be the sauce to save the soul of these fallen chips?
It is! This is a massive improvement -- I, alone, have fulfilled the destiny of a million bags of weak Worcestershirian snacks. They taste fantastic soaked in the real flavor, just like everything else in the universe (seriously, you'd feel better about the death of a beloved pet, if they were served in a bowl of Lea & Perrins).
Pizza
On scale of one to ten, I'd rank this as "halfway to nervous breakdown." Somewhere a chipnician is about one week away from creating new names like "Paperclip" and "Wallpaper", because pizza is not a flavor. I hate to imagine what awful, snack-based employment can drive man to such extremes, but I cannot claim the psycho doesn't deserve it.
Pizza-Topped Pizza
I know some fantastic pizza places, and if you think I'm trying these chips in one of them, you severely underestimate how much I enjoy eating food. I'd sooner spit on a proper pizzologist's face than take these chips into his establishment, so I had to take these somewhere ... else.
I can't insult anyone who works here worse than their own employment already does.
I selected the type of pizza that looked most like the packet.
Classic Super is a perfect match that Pizza Pizza should feel very ashamed about
I combined the two...
...and discovered that the primary taste of the combination is shame. If you want to order a KFC Double Down but still have some self-respect, this is a great way to burn that off. The crunchy topping did enhance this incredibly cheap, flavorless pizza -- but to be fair, a fly landing on it would have also added a zesty crunch.
Please continue to Part 5: Beyond The Bounds Of Human Flavor!
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