Twilight. New Moon. Eclipse. Breaking Dawn. If you read those words and thought of natural celestial events, I'm proud of you. If, however, you thought of pouty shirtless vampires and emotional teenaged girls, then you too have been caught up in the phenomenon known as The Twilight Saga.
If Edward knew where this was going, he would have a reason to look angsty.
As a scientist, albeit a mad one, I am interested in mass social trends like Twilight. The Twilight movies may be the reason Edward and his lycanthropic pal Jacob are so popular, but it all started with the novels. However, after much discussion with many people caught up in Twilight mania, the real Twilighters (their word, not mine) said that most people can only make it through the first book of the series. Interesting.
So if the Twilight saga can stop most people from making it through to the end, can the Twilight series stop a bullet?
The Planning
For this experiment, I first needed to acquire the books in question. I ordered a few used copies online, and was pleased to see they were in excellent condition when they arrived, not streaked with tears or hormones.
WARNING: Putting vampire books in the shape of a crucifix may cause a logic paradox that can rip apart space and time
Next, I would need bullets and the firearms that launch them. I thought for a moment about making a silver bullet to ensure that the vampire books actually died, but after I read a few chapters of Stephanie Meyer's prose, I realized the books were already dead.
I knew I was going to use my .22 caliber pistol and my AK-47 clone, but I wanted to add a little more firepower to the mix. I called one of my fellow gun enthusiast buddies and he gladly loaned me his .30-30 rifle and yet another AK clone. As my grandmother always said, you can never have too many AK's in an experiment.
Can you hear me now?
With all the necessary materials in hand, I loaded up the truck and drove down to my controlled outdoor laboratory in the woods.
"The Lab"
The Preparation
The books would have to sit on something, and since the microwave had taken out my trusty stunt cooler during a different experiment, it would have to act as the target stand as penance. With a brush pile to stop any bullets that made it through, the target area was ready.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen
I needed a place to hold my guns, so I improvised a quick table out of two folding chairs and a piece of plywood.
Proud to be an American
I placed the books on the microwave with a little board behind them for stability, then loaded up the firearms.
Do you have any last requests?
It was time to shoot for the answers.
Please continue to Part 2: The Results!
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