The Ultimate Miracle Fruit Taste Test A comedy article
by Robb Posch 1,375 13 06/28/2010 09:52 PM 3588 views
After taking a sabbatical lasting a couple millennia, miracles are making a big comeback. Miracles seemed poised to re-take the world by storm in 1980, after the Soviet Olympic hockey team was defeated by the United States. Unfortunately, it appeared that miracles just weren't able to keep the momentum going.
However, we appear to be on the cusp of a true miracle renaissance. Possibly the most important evidence for this claim is that miracles were recently the subject of an in-depth dissection by noted philosophers the Insane Clown Posse. In this mind-blowing treatise, the very concept of what truly makes a "miracle" was rocked to its very core.
No longer are we able to offer simple scientific reasons to explain the phenomena of the existence of giraffes, why a son resembles his father, or the mystical properties of magnetic attraction. As it turns out, these, along with a multitude of other examples in our everyday lives, are actually miracles.
If the miracles already mentioned aren't enough to, as they say, "shock ya eyelids," then perhaps you are one of the many who prefer their miracles to be a bit more mind-blowing.
Enter the Miracle Berry.
These little wonders are also often referred to as Miracle Fruit. But I don't, so therefore we will ignore that name from here on out.
Yeah, I'm not too impressed either.
Unless you've been living under a rock, or don't pay attention to potentially interesting yet not that interesting oddities, you have already heard of the Miracle Berry. It has the power to potentially alter the tastes of certain foods, making sour and bitter foods taste sweet. I already have three italicized words in this paragraph and don't want another simply for the aesthetics, but pretend "potentially" in that last sentence was also in italics.
These wondrous little berries are from the plant of some, uh, plant and have interesting properties as a result of their, uh ... hold on.
Jeez, even Wikipedia is stumped. Apparently the best scientific guess is that they are, in fact, a miracle.
One popular thing to do with Miracle Berries is to have "Flavor Tripping Parties." These parties, which I'm genuinely surprised isn't mentioned on Stuff White People Like, involve getting together and eating lemons.
Now, I know nothing about these parties from experience, but that does not sound like the makings of a wild time. Instead, I prefer my way: sitting by myself eating a large quantity of questionable foods while my brother takes pictures. That seems a lot more ... hmm, "normal" doesn't seem to fit there. I'll probably come back and edit that last sentence with a more appropriate term.
There is way too much sexual innuendo going on for a package of compressed fruit powder.
I wound up splitting my "party" into two nights. With some of the bizarre, spicy, and conflicting foods I was about to eat, I thought it best to give my digestive system a short break. Unfortunately, I wound up eating all the bizarre, spicy, and conflicting foods on the first night.
But let us not waste any more time, I know what you're here for: the miracles! So now, on to the main event.
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