Return to the Haunted Asylum A comedy article
by Shell Belle 77,143 25 07/01/2010 01:32 PM 1069 views
*For maximum effect as you read this article, imagine it being told by that creepy midget lady from Poltergeist with spooky music in the background.*
Waverly Hills Sanitarium, located in Louisville, Kentucky, was once one of the best tuberculosis hospitals in the country. Now, it is professed to be one of the most haunted locations in the country. Though it closed its doors to new patients long ago, there are some who say that many former patients still walk its halls, unable to leave.
In May of 2009, I ventured to this haunted hotspot as part of a paranormal conference. You can read about my visit here. While my trip was very worthwhile, it was less than ideal, due to the fact that there were too many people to conduct a good investigation. So in May 2010, I booked a private overnight ghost hunt at Waverly. That way I wouldn't have to share the space with a bunch of douchebags I don't know. I could invite a bunch of douchebags that I do know.
We arrived at Waverly at 7:30 on the night of our investigation. It was unseasonably warm in Louisville, and the evening forecast called for thunderstorms. Perfect conditions for a paranormal investigation. In attendance were my mother, part of a paranormal group from Akron, two friends from Indiana, and one of our regular posters here on Zug, Brad Poynter. Brad is known for his love of firearms and explosives. This was my first time meeting him in person, and I have to say that he is a really nice guy. I enjoyed listening to his southern accent and the way he referred to my mom as "Ma'am." He did not bring any guns and was not at all scary. Well, okay, he was a little bit scary. Still mostly non-scary though.
As we drove up the hill, we caught our first glimpse of the immense building:
This picture is from my first visit.
The first sight of Waverly takes your breath away. Whether you believe in the paranormal or not, it is something to behold. My mom and I had been there before, so we directed our attention to gauge the reactions of everyone else, all of whom were seeing it for the first time. Brad looked like a kid in a candy store. Or a gun lover in, you know, a store that sells guns and stuff. Waverly Hills, infamous among ghost hunters for its extreme degree of occurrences, would be his first investigation. Had I gone to Waverly for my very first investigation, I'm not sure I would have lasted the night. Despite his jokes about how he was likely to need a few spare pairs of underwear, I had absolutely no doubt that he would make it through the night.
We were greeted by Mike, a member of the staff at Waverly. He gave us a thorough tour along with some advice on the areas where we were most likely to experience activity. He also informed us that the building had been extremely active for the past two weeks. The cast of Ghost Adventures had been there the night before. One of their investigators, Zak, is famous for provoking spirits and stirring up activity. After the tour, we were set loose to investigate as we chose until 4:00am.
The guys from Ghost Adventures, trying to look like badasses.
Seven hours. Eight people. One huge, creepy ass building. Ten spare pair of underwear. We were ready.
Brad is fully caffeinated and ready to DIE!
Would we benefit from Zak's visit? Did he manage to rile up the souls of a few of the thousands who met their end at Waverly? Would Brad be frightened by ghosts or would they be frightened of him? Is my blatant attempt to build enough suspense to compel you to read Part Two working?
Taco, where have you been? Shell and I both believe in scary scary ghosts. Well, maybe not scary scary ones, but regular ghosts in general, yes. In fact, we both belong to separate paranormal groups.
After that trip I can tell you that I believe there are things out there we can't explain. Probably lots of things. Probably even things that we have an explanation for and are totally wrong.
We are monkeys with machine guns in the middle of a big glass greenhouse in space and the more we think we know everything the less we will be able to learn.
This is a little known fact, but I am haunted by a ghost. When he was alive, he was a crappy musician, and he's jealous of my musical abilities, so he grabs my hands when I try to play my guitar and makes me hit bum notes.
Last month, I spent the night at Mansfield Reformatory, where the Shawshank Redemption was filmed.
There was absolutely nothing going on in there, so I got bored and played a prank on some of the other people by hiding in one of the cells and making noises. I know it was a terrible thing to do, but fun.
I was working on an article for that. I was going to call it "Prank at Shawshank", but I'm not sure if I'll post it or not, since this one didn't get much interest. They take a long time to finish.
I hope I didn't come across as being a whiny baby. I was just stating the fact that the whole point of writing a story is so people will want to read it. If they aren't interested, for whatever reason, then it doesn't seem as worthwhile to spend time finishing it. And naturally, being only five years old, it takes me a long time to finish them. I have to change crayons for every separate letter.
Great work Shelle! Sorry I forgot to say that in the last post, But I thought the fact that I was in it automaticaly made so uber that saying so would have been redundant.
You have to finiShakespeare! Some of those experiences were proof positive for me and I would love to read your take on it.
Ghost Adventures is the most worthless piece of staged Shakespeare on television.
I watched an episode of Ghost Adventures in which they were investigating a haunted plantation. In the dead of night, they were walking down a dirt road toward a building the were planning to enter. They were talking about something, when one of the lights came on in another building. They were all like "oooooooo" and then the escort said that there was no power going to that building, and they got really excited.
The light came on and off a couple of times before they finally got there, and verified the breaker on the outside was in the OFF position.
And then they went into a totally different building.
I wanna read it I wanna read it, ME ME ME! Pleeeeeaaaaasseeee post it pleeeeeaaaseeee! And your mommy will be oh so proud of you even if you only use one color crayon for the whole thing, so you can do it a lil faster cuz I HATE waiting!
Chocolate Marshmallow-Ghost Cake and Mini Cupcakes
Ingredients
Makes three 6-inch layers or about 6 dozen mini cupcakes
, 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for pans
, 2/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder, sifted, plus more for pans
, 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
, 1 teaspoon salt
, 1 1/4 cups sugar
, 4 large eggs
, 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
, 1 cup whole milk
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter three 6-inch round cake pans. Dust with cocoa powder, and tap out excess; set aside. Alternatively, line six mini muffin tins with paper liners.
2. Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Put butter and sugar into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium-high speed until pale and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing until combined after each addition. Mix in vanilla.
3. Reduce speed to low. Add flour mixture in three batches, alternating with the milk. Mix until just combined. Divide batter evenly among pans (about 2 cups batter per pan) or lined muffin cups (about 1 tablespoon batter per cup).
4. Bake until a cake tester inserted into centers comes out clean, 30 to 40 minutes for cake layers and 14 to 16 minutes for mini cupcakes. Let cool in pans or muffin tins on a wire rack. Decorate as desired.
To make the ghosts, you will need a miniature marshmallow, 2 regular marshmallows, and 2 chocolate sprinkles. Twist top of miniature marshmallow into a point by rolling it between your thumb and index finger. Trim all 3 marshmallows, and stick together. Twist top 2 slightly to shape. With a toothpick, poke holes, and insert sprinkle eyes.
Yeah, don't let the voice of one dissenter weigh you down. I'll buy you some new crayons or something.
Also even though my opinion of you dropped it's still significantly higher than my opinion of like 90% of the rest of these bastards. Who apparently also believe in ghosts. So really the bar dropped overall.
Yeah, don't let the voice of one dissenter weigh you down. I'll buy you some new crayons or something.
I wouldn't. My power was out a lot of the day yesterday. No power=no internet=no ghost story.
Taco, I am certainly respectful of the fact that you don't believe in the paranormal. But you have to admit that your post was a little, um, bitchy. Sorry, but it was.
Whatever. Water under the bridge. I'll go back to ghost hunting and you go back to dressing up and pretending you're Sir Lancelot or whatever it is that you like to do.
I was working on an article for that. I was going to call it "Prank at Shawshank", but I'm not sure if I'll post it or not, since this one didn't get much interest. They take a long time to finish.
I'd love to read it or at least see pictures of you naked in a jail cell the location of the movie.
They would be right. Some ghosts are gay. They may not be totally gay, I mean, some might be bisexual or something, but if they were gay in life, they're probably gay in death.
Um...what does the decaying paint have to do with the ghosts anyways and gayness? Are we now incinuating that we have to be gay, paint and then die and be reincarnated to become gay ghosts? I am really scrooded up then because If I were a female carpenter that didn't believe in reincarnation, what kind of ghost would I be or would I even be a ghost at all? I could be a decaying piece of would that is getting some with the nail holes. Well I am not sure but at least it sounded good at the time. (ooopsie I don't know what I am saying now)
Anyways I was just observing quietly while others are begging for part 2. Just so you know, I am not a believer in ghosts. I do believe that spirits exsist in a different dimension.
If I were a ghost, seriously, I would be having a blast doing something more interesting with my time. I know it wouldn't be ripping paint off of a window!
I googled "urbex" and saw it meant urban exploration, but I sorta already knew what Taco was referring to because a few weeks ago I read a cool blog post by the same chick that does Cake Wrecks (she has her own personal blog now, called Epbot). The link above does a good job explaining why some folks are fascinated with urban decay.
People were wondering what Taco was talking about and I saw an opportunity to show off that I knew something about what the kids are into these days. For instance, I even know what steampunk is.
Ohhh, so that's what urbex is. Sounds kind of cool.
This is just a story, people. It wasn't meant to spark a debate on whether or not ghosts exist, or if there's something out there better to do if you think "ghosts are totally gay". Truth is, I don't care if you believe or not. Just enjoy the goddamn story. And if you don't enjoy it, go find something else on the site that you find to be funny. Jeez.
My point is, Shell and I do the same thing, we just call it something different, and when a strange noise/movement freaks me out, I attribute it to rats and pigeons.
Most of us don't attribute every noise to ghosts. A healthy dose of skepticism is a good thing to have during an investigation.
I've seen some people jump at every little noise, thinking it's a ghost. When I was at Mansfield Reformatory, one of the investigators sat there for 15 minutes marveling at the "floating balls of light". It was the light from his camcorder reflecting off of the glass. Someone tried to tell him that, but he immediately dismissed them. So we sat there and laughed at his stupidity. "Look! They move when I do!" It was pretty hilarious. Sad, but hilarious.
People were wondering what Taco was talking about and I saw an opportunity to show off that I knew something about what the kids are into these days. For instance, I even know what steampunk is.
Except for the fact that steampunk properly started in the 80s, reached what will probably be its most critical mass in the early 90s and actually takes influence from novels such as 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea by Jules Verne (1869).
But it's good that you're down with the Victorian kids.
Kids these days are also into vampires. I never said they were new trends. I was well aware that the style has been around forever, but I'd never heard the term "steampunk" till this past year, and had no idea what it meant (I thought maybe it was a book or tv show) until about a month ago. If that name for it has been around as long as the style, then it must not have been too critically massive in the 90s.
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