Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, the owner of the Cavaliers, Dan Gilbert, recently posted an open letter to you about Lebron James' departure towards sunnier skies.
Screenshot of Dan Gilbert's cutesy rant on the Cavaliers official web site.
His letter was written with an angry tone culminating with a sentence written in ALL CAPS in which he made an empty, yet loud promise of an NBA championship, unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. And most of all, the letter was posted in the ridiculous Comic Sans typeface.
Clearly, this letter is bitterly embarrassing for all of you.
The good news for everybody outside of Cleveland is that the letter is now being mocked all over the Internet, especially because of its tone and the typeface used, which make it look like the Cavs' owner last saw what the web looked like at a time when Geocities was still relevant and the founders of Google were still using Hotbot as their preferred search engine.
Cleveland's sports history is already ridiculous enough that this letter and its stupid font feels like a slap on an already sore face.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
That said, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT WITH DAN GILBERT'S USE OF COMIC SANS, THE CLEVELAND SPORTS SCENE WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE REST OF THE COUNTRY."
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought Cleveland would continue to get worse before it got any better, I can tell you that this shameful display of immaturity and lack of web etiquette by one of your very own has shifted our "mockery" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should be able to use Comic Sans and still have a place in heaven when they die.
Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.
This shocking act of knee-jerk posting from Dan Gilber sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn about the Internet. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.
But the good news is that this ridiculous decision can only serve as comedy fodder for anyone who likes to make fun of the sports "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio, including those very children who will most certainly aspire to get the hell out of there once they're old enough.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day.
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience in mocking this latest episode of Cleveland's sports history will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
LAUGHTER at Dan Gilbert losing his cool in a letter while using the most ridiculous typeface in the history of the Internet to type it. So dear Cleveland fans, it's not you, it's him.
The Mailman.-
PS: As you can see from the screen grab below, Comic Sans is being widely discussed on Twitter at the moment.
While the drama surrounding Lebron James is unfolding, at least this letter gives us some, *ahem*, comic relief.
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Chuckleworthy
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2.5
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Declan McManus Original since 2010 131,891  36
07/09/2010 08:52 PM
Merci, M. Le Post. Je pense.
I prefer college basketball to professional basketball, but this was not a very good day. Not really surprised that LeBron skedaddled out of N.E.Ohio, but it still stings. Florida, I have heard, has no state income tax, so he just made millions on top of millions.
As for Dan Gilbert's gaucherie with type, if that is all those people can discuss, I am a bit sorry about their lives, which are obviously emptier than even mine.
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