Rupert Murdoch, as everyone knows, is a friendly, warm and approachable man who wields power in a gentle and soothing manner that allows his employees (all 64,000 of them) to feel he is not a distant dictator. His News Corporation and Fox TV products are renowned around the world for their quality and lack of bias. He is loved and cherished by everyone that meets him.
That's a fist of friendliness!
If this were a Grimm fairytale, that's how things would be. But it isn't. For all his working years, Murdoch has faced insult after insult and a barrage of criticism, yet he is still worth billions of dollars and his company is the second largest media conglomerate in the world. Only Disney is bigger. How does he manage it? Simply by being the scariest boss in the world.
Such is the inherent fear instilled in Murdoch's drones, that taking a risk while working for him is not a wise option. However, writer and former Murdoch employee Neel Shah felt that taking a small risk -- wearing shorts on a hot day at the Manhattan office -- would not cause a stir. How wrong he was.
Neel Shah, Ricky Van Veen. (Not pictured: Sal)
He told his good friend, Ricky Van Veen (co-founder of the excellent site CollegeHumor.com), that since it was such a hot day, exposing his knobbly knees would not bother anyone, even though it was technically a violation of the dress code. He didn't count on Murdoch's obsession with micromanagement.
The dressed-down writer went to the cafeteria, where he knows the man who runs the place, Sal. As Sal was talking to Neel, the phone rang. Sal answered it, and made it clearly obvious he was talking to the CEO of News Corporation himself:
Sal: Mr. Murdoch would like to know why you're wearing short pants.
Neel: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Sal: Mr. Murdoch is inquiring again as to why you are wearing short pants in the office.
Neel: I do not follow. How does he know I'm wearing shorts?
Sal kindly told Neal there was a hidden camera in the cafeteria that had a feed directly to Murdoch's office, and Neel's shorts were offending the media mogul.
Sal: Mr. Murdoch would again like to know the name of your supervisor.
Neel: Dude, tell him I'm wearing shorts 'cause I'm going to the gym.
The quick-thinking writer then hurried out to the nearby gym. After a while, he felt it was safe to go back to the cafeteria to quiz Sal about the earlier conversation regarding his "short pants." However, as soon as Neel tried to talk, the phone rang again:
Sal: Hello, Mr. Murdoch. No, he is not walking around the building. He must have just left the gym. No, I do not know who told him he could wear short pants.
This statement chilled Neel to the bone and he bolted. He could not believe that a man involved in mega-international business deals and the highest level of politics had the time to spy on this shorts-wearing troublemaker. But it was enough to make Neel tremble at his desk all day long, arranging a pair of jeans to be couriered to the office.
Neel managed to talk to Sal again, and Sal informed him that Mr. Murdoch had been enquiring about the name of this gross offender of the dress code. Fortunately for Neel, Sal had covered for him. By now, the hapless writer was terrified to step out of line again, for fear of another Murdoch phonecall.
People started telling him about a woman who got sent home for wearing a skirt considered too short, or that it was a good thing Mayor Bloomberg (who had recently visited the office) hadn't seen him wearing shorts, as this could have deeply offended the politician.
Why don't you and your hairy knees GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Over the next few days, Sal reported more calls. Murdoch was not over pleased with Neel's facial hair, and even said, "Who said it was okay for him to have hair like he is going to a disco?" He was informed that another employee was sent home for wearing a shirt that exposed too much of his chest.
By now, Neel was paying more and more attention to what he was wearing. One particular effort was noticed in the cafeteria, when Sal received a call from Murdoch, which he handed over to Neel.
Murdoch: Just wanted to say you're dressed perfectly today. Khaki pants, boat shoes, and a sweater. Keep it up.
Neel: Great, thank you, sir.
Murdoch: By the way, are you Indian or Pakistani?
Neel: Indian.
Murdoch: OK.
And then he hung up.
Soup Nazi
Neel discovered that Murdoch was vigilantly hands-on in every aspect of the business; even seemingly insignificant things like the price of soup came to Murdoch's omnipresent attention. When Neel asked to sample some of the daily soup, Sam told him it would now cost $2.00 for a soup sample (a normal serving cost $3.50). When Neel complained about the unfairness of a $2.00 charge, he was told that the penny-counting Murdoch was not happy about what he considered large samples of soup being given away for free.
Eventually, it was time for Neel to move on from his work with News Corporation in New York. Walking into the cafeteria one day while sporting a fresh haircut, he heard the phone ring again. Sal answered, and told the caller that Neel would be leaving New York soon.
Sal: Rupert says, "Tell him to dress up and I'll meet him at the cafeteria at noon tomorrow. I want a photo."
Dutifully, Neel turned up the next day, but Sal said Mr. Murdoch would like him to put on smarter clothes before he would come down. When Neel turned up in a dress shirt, the phone rang again. Sal told Neel that Murdoch was too busy to come down, and that he was unhappy that Neel had disrepected him by not wearing a tie.
The laughter in the cafeteria made Neel finally realize that it had all been an elaborate prank. Sal simply had a cellphone in his pocket which had a quick dial function for the phone in the cafeteria. Every time Neel turned up, Sal simply called the phone and then pretended to have a conversation with Rupert Murdoch. When he needed to make it more believable, he just enlisted a co-worker with an Australian accent to talk to Neel, pretending to be the feared mogul.
This is the paradigm for making an easygoing "slacker" become a fearful, paranoid, perfect employee. When told that Rupert Murdoch had cameras everywhere, with the time to monitor his staff on a personal level, no one dared suggest otherwise. No one is watching Fox, but Fox is watching you.
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