Zolton Under Glass 87,649 31
08/20/2010 02:24 PM

Ten dolla for a sack-a candy?

How much for jus' one candy?

Aw, Frost the bag. Just po' it in my hand.

turtle10 41,927 26
08/20/2010 02:25 PM

What kind of candy are you selling...and who buys 6.5 POUNDS of candy? Tell then to lick the walls instead.

Professor Nutbutter 181,220 34
08/20/2010 02:26 PM

Who would have ever thought that patrons of a candle store would have below average math skills?

turtle10 41,927 26
08/20/2010 02:31 PM

Sounds like the candle sniffers are fine, it's the candy munchers that are not so smart.

siv9939 12,376 16
08/20/2010 02:39 PM

I once worked in a grocery store that whenever things were 'buy one get one free' they would ring up at half price. And some people were angered by this. I'm pretty sure they now advertise things as being half off.

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
08/20/2010 02:43 PM

"Hey, you got chocolate on my bayberry!"

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/20/2010 02:53 PM

Turtle is right.

Guest: "So a quarter pound is 2.99, then how much is a half a pound?"

Me: "Umm...5.98 for half a pound."

Guest: "Oh! Ok."

turtle10 41,927 26
08/20/2010 02:57 PM

WOOOHOOO!! I was right! What do I win? Do I get a prize?

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/20/2010 03:12 PM

You win...some candy?

The music they play in here isn't appropriate for kids. Between "Good Ship Lollipop" and "New York New York" wee get to hear about sugar being poured on people, cotton candy thighs, and a lovely young lady who is asking someone to please chew all of her bubblegum. (Thanks Def Leppard, Presidents, and some girl who should be ashamed of herself)

Of course, after I'm done condemning random musical artists, I take a look down and realize my cleavage probably isn't appropriate for kids either.

turtle10 41,927 26
08/20/2010 03:14 PM

my cleavage probably isn't appropriate for kids either.

It's the boobie prize!

Professor Nutbutter 181,220 34
08/20/2010 03:15 PM

I take a look down and realize my cleavage probably isn't appropriate for kids either.

We learned in health class that that was exactly what it was for.

...Phla? 130,632 34
08/20/2010 03:16 PM

Well, maybe the really really young kids...

...Phla? 130,632 34
08/20/2010 03:16 PM

GODDAMN I am slow.


Shutup.

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
08/20/2010 03:21 PM

And drunken old guys.

Let's not forget the drunken old guys.

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/20/2010 03:26 PM

So how much "candy" can I get for $20?

turtle10 41,927 26
08/20/2010 03:29 PM

1 and 2/3 pounds. Simple math really.







what?

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/20/2010 03:31 PM

Sounds like the candle sniffers are fine, it's the candy munchers that are not so smart.

I don't know.. in addition to telling people not to buy candy, I bet she'd also get fired if she kept reminding the candle buyers that the lightbulb has been invented.

Professor Nutbutter 181,220 34
08/20/2010 03:42 PM

I bet she'd also get fired if she kept reminding the candle buyers that the lightbulb has been invented.

Yeah, but unlike all the crap they sell at the Mall Candle Store, lightbulbs don't come equipped with the pleasant aroma of Martha Stewarts sweaty 'taint.

...Phla? 130,632 34
08/20/2010 04:00 PM

Hey Dianerda, bonus points if you get someone to eat a candle, 'kay? And these are good bonus points too, fresh from the oven.

Brad Poynter 35,418 48
08/20/2010 04:19 PM

OMG CANDYDLES! Hot molten sugar in your mouth!

..and your hands, and your nipples.

The Mailman 174,473 52
08/20/2010 04:20 PM

lightbulbs don't come equipped with the pleasant aroma of Martha Stewarts sweaty 'taint.

That's a good thing.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/20/2010 04:59 PM

STOP LICKING THE WALLS, PEOPLE. THE WALLPAPER IS NOT FLAVORED. NO SNOZZBERRIES FOR YOU.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/20/2010 05:01 PM

The guests in here make me want to get sterilized.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/20/2010 06:22 PM

Aaaand now Christina Aguilera is singing about her panties dropping for the candy man. Yep. Totally appropriate for a candy store located right next to the toy department.

WE ARE CLOSED, PEOPLE. GO TO YOUR HOMES.

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
08/20/2010 06:23 PM

Your store is weird.

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/20/2010 06:37 PM

I like when Santa dances to Candyman. That's hawt.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/21/2010 04:14 PM

Well today is already a lot better than yesterday. I left the house a few minutes early so I had time to stop at Dunkin Donuts for some tasty hot chocolate (it was 50 degrees outside this morning gosh!), and I think the guy put some hazelnut flavoring in for free - there was definitely a nuttiness to it (thankfully not a booger nuttiness).

Then when I got to work I found I was working in the laser engraving department today! Praise Jebus! No candy grubbing wall-lickers to deal with today!

So today, between shooting lasers at people, I've started making some templates for some autumn plaques we'll be producing soon (I can't seem to upload pictures from my phone so I'll just have to whore for clickies I mean bump my thread again later tonight.

Frikkin lasers!

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/21/2010 04:18 PM

)

I blame the lasers.

Pubah 54,897 17
08/23/2010 03:21 AM

Can I borrow your laser? I have some neighbors I'd like to 'etch'.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/23/2010 05:17 PM

Yes I am bumping my thread again, what're you gonna do about it??

So I couldn't post yesterday at all because I was stationed in one of the register rooms and we literally (I use this word correctly) didn't see the end if the line all day.

Today though, I am in the homemade fudge department, which is fine (except I get no reception in there) because I am learning how to make tasty peanut butter & jelly fudge and bavarian nuts (you'll love my nuts). However, the register in candy is broken today so ALL THE STUPID CANDY BUYERS ARE COMING TO FUDGE TO CHECK OUT. I thought I was done with them. "What do you mean $12! It's 2.99 a pound!"

I am going to strangle someone.

At least there is something good about working the fudge counter - it makes you not hungry for fudge at all. If it weren't for the customers, it'd be the best diet aid evar!

Zolton Under Glass 87,649 31
08/23/2010 05:25 PM

I'm still not sure I understand why a candle store needs a 'laser etching' department.

I don't know much about the things, but couldn't you etch a candle with, say, a fingernail? Or a plastic spork? Or a used splintered chopstick? Why you gotta go and bring frickin' lasers into it?

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
08/23/2010 07:42 PM

She made my pwnie keychain with her "laser".

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
08/23/2010 07:45 PM

Today though, I am in the homemade fudge department

...if I know what you mean.

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/23/2010 10:13 PM

This is the template I made and tinkered with when I was playing with lasers the other day:



It's not done yet - hopefully I will be there tomorrow so I can fix it up and add to it a lot more.

Zolton! This is what the frickin lasers do at a candle store:



(I designed that template too - it's for my sister who is getting married next month) You can click through to see more angles and close-ups of the frame.

NO THERE AREN'T ANY SCANDALOUS PICTURES OF ME (on that account).

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/23/2010 10:15 PM

Phla!

Hey Dianerda, bonus points if you get someone to eat a candle, 'kay?

While it hasn't happened recently, I do have experience finding half-eaten votives and nibbled-on tarts hidden away in random corners of the store. Next time someone tries to ingest wax I will definitely take a picture for you!

The Terrible Ravos 62,361 20
08/23/2010 10:54 PM

So Diana, when you're done making the fudge are you responsible for packing the fudge, or is that someone else's job?

Diana Matronic 57,119 105
08/23/2010 11:03 PM

And it only took 5 hours 37 minutes! I am disappointed in you guys.

Alternate response: I'll pack your fudge, Ravos.

Zolton Under Glass 87,649 31
08/24/2010 01:18 AM

Zolton! This is what the frickin lasers do at a candle store:

Holy effin' awesome!

You etched all that on a candle? I would totally burn that wick.

In a manner of speaking. Of course.

Pubah 54,897 17
08/24/2010 02:03 AM

I'm sure your customers love gettin their fudge packed...*Wink, Wink*

The Terrible Ravos 62,361 20
08/24/2010 02:12 AM

Alternate response: I'll pack your fudge, Ravos.

Deal! We'll pencil it in for ZUG18.

Mr. Mike 11,234 21
08/24/2010 09:37 AM

Sooooooo.... Are Michelle and Brooks the 2 kids? I thought gay marriage was put on hold, Makes sense if the guy pictured is their minister. I hear they like the kids....

turtle10 41,927 26
08/24/2010 09:58 AM

Well, considering the name Brooks is generally a male name, whereas the name Brooke is the female name your point is not only unfunny, but moot.

Dianerda 57,119 105
08/24/2010 05:39 PM

Yes, my sister is a little child named Michelle and or Brooks, and I customized a photo frame especially for her, except I did it sideways. You are exactly right.

Dianerda 57,119 105
08/28/2010 07:13 PM

Bumping my thread again because I don't want to start a whole new thread.

I was lasering things again today at work. Pew pew!

This is what I came up with for a guest:



Sappy, I know.

Then I thought "I wonder if I could video the lasering without getting caught with my cellphone on the floor" so I totally risked getting fired reprimanded funny looks and recorded a bit of the lasering in process!

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
08/28/2010 09:09 PM

While the Blaine Family mom was in Dianada's store composing that masterpiece of schlock, the Blaine Family dad was banging the nanny in the back of the Escalade.

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/29/2010 12:03 AM

WELCOME to our home.
We believe in BLOCK OF TEXT.

P.S. While you were reading this we stole your wallet.

peoriagrace 6,153 11
08/29/2010 07:15 AM

Blaine family= wimps

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
08/29/2010 07:41 AM

I bet Mr. and Mrs. Blaine fight constantly, she drinks like a fish, he golfs as much as possible, the daughter is 2 seconds from getting knocked up and the son is developing a coke habit.

turtle10 41,927 26
08/29/2010 08:54 AM

I have that same saying hanging in my kitchen, but it has shamrocks and other irish related things around it.

The Blaine Family are sappy wuss bags

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
08/29/2010 08:41 PM

I just noticed that the Blaine family was founded in 2010.




I wonder which one of them will get custody of the sign when they divorce in 2013.

Dianerda 57,119 105
08/29/2010 08:49 PM

Heh. I got the backstory while I was putting the design together - this is the second marriage for both, and they are both bringing their own kids into the family. If only the sign had been there before, so they would have known what they believed in!

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
08/29/2010 09:08 PM

You know, when I was a lad of 16 or so, I had a job working in Alexander's, a New York department store. They had a candy kiosk in the store, and that's where I worked. One day I was refilling the bulk candy in the case from the boxes it came in, which were stored under the case, and when I opened the case, a squadron of roaches scurried away.

I told the store manager, who said something like, "Yeah, we had that problem a couple of years ago, and we took everything out and exterminated, but they just came back."

I suggested that the products could be kept in sealable containers, and he said something like, "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

From that point forward, if a customer came to the counter and asked for bulk candy, peanuts, popcorn or pretzels, I discouraged them from buying it. I would only sell wrapped, sealed food. Unless the customer seemed like a douchebag. Then I would sell them whatever they wanted.

In a couple of weeks I got moved to the record department.

...Phla? 130,632 34
08/29/2010 09:51 PM

What the hell is a record?

/obligatory

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
08/29/2010 11:47 PM

When you have more Zug t-shirts than anyone else, that's a record.

Dianerda 57,119 105
08/30/2010 09:05 PM

PHLA!!!!! I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!

I was working in the emporium today (biggest single room at my work), where we have all of our various scents of candles on display as well as many many MANY decorative tealight/votive/tart/jar holders. We also have waxworks, where you can either dip your own candles into various colors of wax, make your own jar candle, or make a wax casting of your own hand. This is all beside the point, though.

Someone got hungry. I found this hiding on a shelf today.



They didn't even choose a food scented tart!



Some people.

...Phla? 130,632 34
08/31/2010 09:47 AM

I can't view pictures all that great on this thing, but the second candle looks like somebody wanted to dip his balls in it.thatsareferenceIdonttalkthatway

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/01/2010 01:52 PM

It was probably a service dog; they really hate Cottage Breeze scent.

Dianerda 57,119 105
09/01/2010 03:45 PM

Oh! A First World Problem of the now: I am allergic to metal. The other day, when I was wearing a particularly low-cut shirt it caused my name badge to touch my skin, creating a big red mark that is still there. It's bad enough that I have a semi-permanent mark on my neck from the apron adjuster dealie.

See?



Don't laugh. That is an old picture of me on my badge. Plus I'm covering up my employee number so you freaks don't get me fired.

turtle10 41,927 26
09/01/2010 03:49 PM

There's a badge in that picture?

Dianerda 57,119 105
09/01/2010 03:53 PM

Oh great, I showed my cleavage. I'm totally going to hell.

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
09/01/2010 04:09 PM

Allergies are HAWT!

Dianerda 57,119 105
09/04/2010 05:14 PM

Today sucks. I need a strong drink or three.

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
09/04/2010 05:19 PM

I'm drinking a beer in your honor!

Filly on the Roof 39,160 20
09/04/2010 05:33 PM

An allergy to low-quality metal? Very convenient, miss Dianada! You must've gotten a very nice engagement ring!

Chit 178,088 15
09/04/2010 05:57 PM

So a chainmail bikini would be completely out of the question?

Before you say no...It is kinda geeky.

Frogpop 173,113 25
09/04/2010 07:17 PM

As long as it's made out of sterling silver, no problem.

except for pinching.