|
|
The office I work in could be its own version of the sitcom "The Office". We have so much ridiculousness that runs rampant that it's just...well, ridiculous.
Just yesterday, I was provided with the perfect example of just how over-the-top it can get.
If you didn't already know, I'm the Network Admin/Desktop Support Tech/IT Guru/Internet Ninja for our company.
In my office, it's just me. I have one IT Manager in each of our other larger offices and I get to support two people who work out in California (though without the perk of flying to Newport Beach).
So yesterday, I received an email with the subject line "Fonts" from one of the ding-iest (not din-jee, straight up ding-ee) girls in our office. This was the body of the message;
"Was reading one of the Oprah magazines out on the porch at lunch and it had a really helpful tip about fonts: Century Gothic is the cheapest font to use; taking 30% less ink than Arial. I'm sure our legal documents have to be in a certain font (Times New Roman) to pass muster but we could probably use the Century Gothic where font style isn't an issue. I thought I should pass this information on to anybody interested in saving us (or yourself on your personal computer) money in ink. Thanks Guys!"
Oprah, really? Because Oprah knows EVERYTHING, right? Right??
This would have been acceptable had it been addressed to me, or maybe me and her supervisor. Hell, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash if she'd included MY boss on the TO: list. But no, that wasn't good enough.
She sent it to the ENTIRE COMPANY.
THE ENTIRE Frost-ing COMPANY.
Which includes upper management.
Our CEO is a gadget-freak and has a habit of getting interested in projects that are usually a huge waste of time in my opinion, so I was immediately worried, with good reason.
Within a few minutes, this email popped in from the CEO, also addressed to THE ENTIRE COMPANY.
"Very interesting [soon-to-be-murdered-employee name]. Let's have KChiki in IT check into it and maybe she can make some adjustments to people's computers, as we do use a lot of ink around here."
Determined to KILL this project before it got out of hand, I pulled together a few resources, got on teh Google and sent out this response.
"There actually have been a few independent tests on this subject in recent years.
http://blog.printer.com/2009/04/printing-costs-does-font-choice-make-a-difference/
Century Gothic is the front-running winner of the ink-savings tests as far as font choice. However, for people with dyslexia or with reading disabilities, it's difficult to distinguish between Century Gothic's lowercase "L" and uppercase "I".
[Example of L's and the word "Illinois in CG.]
For this reason, the next lowest cost font is Times New Roman, which also has the added benefit of dissimilar-looking lowercase "L" and uppercase "I" characters.
[Example of L's and the word "Illinois" in TNR.]
I believe the majority of our documents are composed in either Times New Roman or Arial. [One of the other IT Managers] and I will take a look at any changes that need to be made."
The ding-y chick sent me this response almost immediately.
"Woah, technical! I'm sorry KChiki, I didn't mean to create extra work for you; I just thought that was a really interesting tidbit.
"Illinois" -Ha! I don't see how anybody could tell the difference; dyslexic or not."
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A Frost-ing IDIOT!
I didn't even respond to her. Why should I when I'm going to remove her from the gene pool as soon as possible?
The icing on the cake came this morning though. My boss has been out of town for the past week and apparently just checked his email last night. He responded;
"Screw this. I'm not coming back."
|
|
|
Like This? Rate It!
|
|
Hilarious
27 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170080
|
|
|
|
|
|
Also Recommended on ZUG:
|
|
|
|
Funny
3 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170083
Stone Cold Bikini 62,254  18
09/02/2010 11:56 AM
Heh, awesomest thread title.
I am praying to sweet heaven that my boss never hears of this.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Hilarious
14 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170095
Space Admiral BobJohnson 177,873 22
09/02/2010 12:20 PM
Dear Entire Company,
According to that printer.com article, we could save our company $80 per year per printer by switching fonts, assuming we print 250 pages per week per printer. $80 per year is a lot of money, so I've spent the last 4 weeks researching this carefully.
First, why the hell are we printing 250 pages per week per printer? 99% of stuff can be read on your screen (including the screen of your iPad or smartphone if you're away from your office). The only purpose of paper at meetings is to doodle pictures of your colleagues breasts in a futile effort to avoid falling asleep, but you can use blank paper or even the breast of a sleeping colleague for that. If the person holding the meeting refuses to email you the Power Point slides or Excel workbooks in advance, the only possible explanation is that they created all of their documents from a template they downloaded from an S&M forum and don't know how to delete embarrassing metadata. Turn them in for inappropriate use of work resources.
Second, we could easily save that much money by not wasting time reading any emails addressed to the entire company unless they're from the CEO and have "layoffs" in the subject. I'll help you set up a filter.
Sincerely,
KChiki
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
13 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170100
Space Admiral BobJohnson 177,873 22
09/02/2010 12:28 PM
your colleagues breasts
Learn how to use plural-possessive apostrophe, KChiki. Geez. That kind of error has no place in workplace emails.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
5 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170101
KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
09/02/2010 12:32 PM
Damn my sub-par grammar skills! Damn them to HECK!
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
12 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170103
UnderWhere? 99,723 76
09/02/2010 12:40 PM
The word heck would use up more ink than the word hell.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
8 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170104
Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
09/02/2010 12:42 PM
I know how you could kill Oprah with a used ink cartridge and probably get away with it. Smother it in a bernaise sauce and leave it on the craft services table.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
11 votes
4.1
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170124
KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 124,281 89
09/02/2010 02:07 PM
I think I'll set everyone's default font to 72-point Brittanic Bold.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
7 votes
3.1
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170126
Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
09/02/2010 02:59 PM
Only slightly related: whenever I go into the bathroom at work and find that someone hasn't flushed ("If it's yellow, let it mellow."), I immediately flush before urinating, and then 3 or 4 times afterward just to get back at whatever hippie moron thinks that other people want to smell his urine.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170128
Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
09/02/2010 03:00 PM
Sorry, I meant to say:
[size=24]Only slightly related: whenever I go into the bathroom at work and find that someone hasn't flushed ("If it's yellow, let it mellow."), I immediately flush before urinating, and then 3 or 4 times afterward just to get back at whatever hippie moron thinks that other people want to smell his urine.[/size]
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170129
Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
09/02/2010 03:01 PM
Analog's a hippie, too?
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
8 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170143
Nachos 57,478 23
09/02/2010 04:06 PM
.. ..-. -.-- --- ..- .- .-. . -. .----. - ..- ... .. -. --. -- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . .. -. --- .-. -.. . .-. - --- ... .- ...- . .. -. -.- - .... . -. -.-- --- ..- .--- ..- ... - .- .-. . -. .----. - - .-. -.-- .. -. --. .... .- .-. -.. . -. --- ..- --. .... .-.-.-
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
3 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170165
It's Marmite, FFS... 12,940 12
09/02/2010 04:59 PM
I'm having a hard time trying to care about ink quotas OR Dyslexia. WHO. GIVES. A Frost. ABOUT. FONTS?
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
6 votes
3.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170187
PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
09/02/2010 05:45 PM
.. ..-. -.-- --- ..- .- .-. . -. .----. - ..- ... .. -. --. -- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . .. -. --- .-. -.. . .-. - --- ... .- ...- . .. -. -.- - .... . -. -.-- --- ..- .--- ..- ... - .- .-. . -. .----. - - .-. -.-- .. -. --. .... .- .-. -.. . -. --- ..- --. .... .-.-.-
Saving ink is one thing but neglecting good grammer (i.e. slashes) is just sloppy.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170201
siv9939 12,376 16
09/02/2010 07:23 PM
What font did the article use?
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
8 votes
3.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054170202
Pram 78,178 40
09/02/2010 07:59 PM
This one.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
1 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054173214
Declan McManus Original since 2010 130,657 34
09/24/2010 03:14 AM
KChiki, take a number, wait your turn, please.
I want to eliminate "that megamillionaire person" for unleashing Phil McGraw upon the American psyche, which was quite dented enough before he came along, and for embracing that hack Jonathan Franzen, after she so correctly dissed him. I also want to do something appropriately vile for her hiring of Rosie O'Donnell for her new tee vee network.
I used to care very greatly about typography, particularly when I was engaging in public style corrections with spray paint in my late teens. YES, I DID.
Now, as long as it's in a nice Caslon or Garamond, or Bodoni Bold, I don't care too much. However, keep that BOCKLIN Shakespeare away from me!
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054173312
Declan McManus Original since 2010 130,657 34
09/24/2010 06:15 PM
And, yes, typography was another thing my brother and I talked about after we met.
|
|
|
|
Store
124,281 
89 
