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It's the end of summer, the time when the leaves start changing colors, the weather gets a little cooler, the pants start coming back out, and I stop shaving my legs regularly.
All of you women are as guilty of this as I am. The only women who DON'T do this is the women who have been dating someone for less than 6 months. He's still kind of new, maybe you've burped in front of him once on accident and he laughed, but you're still in the stage where you care about your appearance in front of him.
During summertime, the shave-cycle goes like this:
DAY 1: You've just shaved, you're silky smooth. Short-shorts anyone?
DAY 2: You're a little picky, but no big deal. If you have blonde hair, you can get away with shorts again. If you have darker hair, however, you tend to opt for longer shorts or the capris.
REPEAT
The fall/winter/spring shave-cycle goes a little differently. For those of us who have no one, or have someone for longer than the 6 month mark, it goes a little something like this:
DAY 1: You've just shaved, you're silky smooth. You wouldn't have, except for that special event you have to be at later tonight. It feels a little weird against the pants you have on now though.
DAY 2: Little picky, but no big deal. If it's a nice day, you might even wear the long shorts again.
DAY 3: Pickier still. But your wearing pants today, no big deal. Your 6mo+ boyfriend is just happy to be having regular sex again. He's not going to care about 3 day stubble.
DAY 4-5: Less picky, more fuzzy.
DAY 6-8: Less fuzzy, more furry. Like a bear.
DAY 9: The hairs are now well over 1/4" in length, just long enough where they've actually become soft again. As long as it's dark, Boyfriend's not going to notice that you haven't shaved in 9 days. The only thing on his mind right now is boobs anyway, and thank God they aren't as hairy as your legs.
DAY 10+: Since your legs are soft again, who cares? This period can go indefinitely. Unless you have that "special event" to be at, the legs don't get shaved at all. It's too much effort to contort your self around the sides of the tub or soap dish to get every hair if you have no where to be. By the time you DO decide to shave again, the hairs are so long you need to use scissors before you break out the razor. And you still need to change the cartridge after one leg.
REPEAT
Men don't get the effort it takes to shave your legs. They think it's like shaving your face, annoying to have to do everyday, but a few moves with the neck and you can get everything in a few swipes. Some men don't even like to do that, and just grow out their beards. If your face was 3+ feet in length, I'd say OK, it's like shaving your face. It's not.
So this is for you, Men.
If you shave in the shower, you have to position yourself in such a way where the water won't rinse the shaving cream off. Sometimes this involves lifting your leg against the wall and over your head. The older you get, the harder this is to do.
So you start either shaving in the bathtub, or shaving in the sink. I hate shaving in the sink, because almost as soon as you put the lotion on, it begins to dry out. If your not fast enough, your skin gets irritated, and if its raining outside, it feels as though you've dry-shaved. OH IT BURNS!
I prefer to shave in the bathtub, although this has its own set of challenges. You still have to be somewhat of a contortionist, but you don't have to bend as far. You set yourself up: one foot against the side of the tub for balance, and the other leg in the air. Lotion up, bend your knee to reach your ankle, and begin doing leg aerobics. Bend, straight, up. Bend, straight, up. Then your foot that's balancing you slips, and your head goes underwater.
Your leg is still in the air, because you don't want to have to rinse all the lotion away. That would involve putting on more shaving cream, and risk shaving over parts you've already shaved, who wants to do that?! No, instead you try desperately to push off the bottom of the tub with your hands and reposition your foot so you can get your head above water again, all with the same leg in the air. But because you've spent so much time trying to breathe, the lotion has begun drying, thus irritating the skin, and when you're all done and put your leg back it the water, IT BURNS!!
Yes, fall is the the time when the leaves start changing colors, the weather gets a little cooler, the pants start coming back out, and I stop shaving my legs... until my friend's wedding in October.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
15 votes
4.2
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Chuckleworthy
6 votes
2.5
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Whistler P. McManus 186,133  44
09/20/2010 06:45 PM
You have to shave your thighs? I thought most of you gals only shaved up to the knee? Is your ass hairy, too? Should we be calling you DaZippyGal2?
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
09/20/2010 07:13 PM
I shave my legs every other day no matter what the season. I did try to go a week once, but I caved one afternoon when I realized that the cat brushing up against my leg was actually a blanket, and the only silky hair I was feeling was my own.
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.0
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panda: eats, shoots, and leaves 181,795 70
09/20/2010 07:40 PM
....and that's why Spicey still likes to do it in the butt.
Or not. I dunno.
I don't have anyone trying to do me in the butt, and my legs are hairy. Seems like okay logic to me.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/20/2010 09:01 PM
I'm so aroused right now.
She puts the lotion on her skin or else she gets the hose again!
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.3
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
09/20/2010 09:30 PM
Then your foot that's balancing you slips, and your head goes underwater.
Or you fall on your ass and break it.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Declan McManus Original since 2010 131,891 36
09/20/2010 09:52 PM
I try to preserve every hair I have, and find no personal appeal in drag, but....if I did, I would (wo)man up and wax.
Then again, I don't strenuously object to temporary pain.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.2
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
09/20/2010 10:08 PM
TWSS, I forgot to tell you how much your article made me laugh. Especially the part about getting away with more if you have blond hair on your legs. I'm glad I do. I hate shaving my legs.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Jeeni is bewitched! 47,815 51
09/20/2010 11:25 PM
I hate shaving my legs because I often seem to nick the back of my ankle, just above my heel. I have a tendency to slide the razor sideways there. Ugh.
I'm just thankful I don't have to ALSO shave my face. I have a feeling I may need to do that when I get old. How.Sexy.
(Also loved the article, TWSS! Was laughing at the truth of it all!)
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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That's What She Said - Really! 27,416 24
09/20/2010 11:40 PM
Oh I'm awful with the nicks too. Once in high school I gave myself one on my shin that was 2 inches long. It took a while to start bleeding but once it did, it didn't stop. I foolishly put it back in the water thinking it would stop the bleeding, but then I had stinging pain to deal with on top of the bleeding. The resulting scab looked like a fuzzy caterpiller stuck to my leg. I still have the scar.
(Thanks Jeeni and Shell for the compliments!)
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.3
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Fratberry 283,051 53
09/21/2010 12:03 AM
Shaving in the tub? Aren't you just soaking in hair shavings AND your own pee?
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.2
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Thud 68,525 19
09/21/2010 12:19 AM
Frat, you may just have started a new and rather unfortunate direction for this thread. Congrats.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
09/21/2010 05:23 AM
DAY 9: The hairs are now well over 1/4" in length
How fast does your hair grow?!
Also, can I interest you in the wonders of waxing? It doesn't actually hurt, wax strips are super easy to use and the ones with almond oil and aloe vera smell lovely, and at the very most, you're looking at once a week. Plus, you can do it on the sofa while watching the latest True Blood, or other television programme of your choice. If that isn't enough to convince you, I only wax once every month or so and my hair still never gets to 1/4" in length.
One piece of advice: if you're home waxing, stick to the legs. Leave the more sensitive areas to a professional.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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That's What She Said - Really! 27,416 24
09/21/2010 08:46 AM
How fast does your leg hair grow?
Pretty fast, but I exaggerated a bit for comedic purposes. Usually by day 9 or 10 though, your legs do get soft again. Plus you've already gone over a week without shaving so the attitude basically switches from caring to "Frost all."
I've tried several other hair removal methods: the creams stink, and that smell lingers for the rest of the day.
Waxing is a pain in the ass. Yeah, you can do it watching tv, but you have to go one section at a time. The wax cools every 3 minutes so you have to keep getting up to reheat it. If you use the cheap, pre-waxed strips, hardly anything comes off on the first pull, but now the wax isn't sticky anymore so it's useless and you have to use a fresh one. I can never seem to get my leg taut enough to get all the hair, and you have to wait until your leg hair's a certain length before wax will work properly anyway. This method tends to get expensive fast.
As much as I hate to shave, it's really been the best method for me.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.0
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
09/21/2010 09:00 AM
Aren't you just soaking in hair shavings
It exfoliates and makes your skin baby soft. I wouldn't know about the pee. I may pee my pants, but I don't pee in the tub. That's just gross.
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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Lost in a Straw Maze 98,023 37
09/21/2010 09:15 AM
I never go too long without shaving my legs because the prickliness wigs me out and I'm all itchy and uncomfortable. Especially if I am wearing hose or knee highs for work.
These days instead of contorting myself, I just park my butt on the floor of the shower and get it done. It serves a dual purpose because as I am shaving, the conditioner in my hair is starting to rinse off because my head is under the stream.
PS - if you want anyone to actually read the whole article, you should put the contortionist at the end and not the middle. I kind of lost track of the story after seeing that pic.
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.3
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Phuc 237,919 21
09/21/2010 09:49 AM
I never realized what a hassle it is to get smooth, delectable laigs. I have a newfound appreciation that I will be sure to express the next time I drop my keys under the table at the Kafe Haus.
Men don't have it as easy as you think, though. I've suffered quite a few nicks (and one arterial bleed that required a quick trip to the ER) in my efforts to keep my scrotum baby-smooth.
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Hilarious
12 votes
4.0
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TableTopJane 173,958 15
09/21/2010 10:12 AM
Holy Shakespeare. The image of Al running into the ER because his nuts were bleeding has officially become the funniest mental image ever.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.3
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Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
09/22/2010 07:51 PM
Some years back my wife stopped shaving her legs for a few years. I supported it because I'm not aroused by pre-pubescent women.
She had some sort of business meeting that required her to wear pantyhose. At the end of the day, we noticed that many of the hairs on her leg were sticking out through the hose.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.4
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panda see, panda do 181,795 70
09/22/2010 07:52 PM
Dogs, that was disguslarious.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.7
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Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
09/23/2010 12:13 AM
Yeah, I know. What kind of freak doesn't like completely shaved women.
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0 votes
0.0
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Filly on the Roof 39,193 20
09/23/2010 12:30 AM
My mom had that exact same thing happen to her at my junior prom, Dogs.
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0 votes
0.0
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Declan McManus Original since 2010 131,891 36
09/23/2010 12:31 AM
like completely shaved women.
Yeah, for that Persis Khambatta look!
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
09/23/2010 12:39 AM
My mom had that exact same thing happen to her at my junior prom, Dogs.
Her date had hair sticking through her stockings?
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