Crappy Consumer Reports: French Fry Taste Test
A comedy article
by syncope  49,019  14
12/02/2010 12:19 AM 3446 views
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Recently Wendy's, the national fast food chain beloved by literally no one, retooled their French fry recipe for the first time in forty-one years. Instead of the usual limp, soggy, pathetic excuses for fries you usually find at a Wendy's, you're now able to get them with potato skin and sea salt.
The company's Chief Marketing Officer, Ken Calwell, explained: "Having the skin on is a way to remind people that fries come from potatoes." (Not French orphans.) "Some people think restaurant French fries are processed foods," Calwell continued, presumably while chewing on some paint chips he'd found lying around. Yes, people think restaurant French fries are processed. Because they are.
But how do these new French fried taters measure up to other fast food joints? Fear not, dear reader, it's ZUG's Crappy Consumer Reports: French Fry Taste Test to the rescue!
The Categories
Using my patented 1-10 scale (1 being digusting, 10 being deep-fried heaven), I visited fast food restaurants and sampled a small fry at each establishment. After a careful, thorough taste test administered in the car while driving, I rated them on Heat, Salt, Crunch, and Flavor.
The Contenders
I narrowed it down to these five fast food restaurants: McDonald's, Jack in the Box, KFC, Arby's, and Wendy's. Before one of you asks, "But what about Burger King?" just shut the Frost up. Burger King is disgusting. And that's coming from a guy who ate fries from a KFC AND an Arby's in the same night.
Please continue to Part 2: Let the Tasting Begin!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
13 votes
4.2
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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TurkDuckChakens 286,647  61
12/02/2010 10:13 AM
I fully support this Burger King is Disgusting campaign.
Also, the creepy mask disturbs my dreams.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Straw Potato Pie 98,023 37
12/02/2010 10:23 AM
I will agree that Burger King FRIES are disgusting. The burgers, on the other hand, live up to their royal mantle.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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KChiki is all up in your mistletoe. 128,451 98
12/02/2010 10:28 AM
Yeah, the fries at Burger King SUCK. I remember when they changed them. I was pissed.
The Whoppers are goooooood though.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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The Ancient Fifer 186,133 44
12/02/2010 11:45 AM
Burger King burgers are better than ex-lax if you're feeling a little backed up, though.
Chick-Fil-A is run by neo-nazis and serves hideous waffle fries as an insulting excuse for french fries. Twatwaffle fries is more like it. Their chicken sandwiches, however, are Frost-ing delicious.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Popanator 1,144 4
12/09/2010 07:56 PM
Fast food french fries are gross. I prefer poopie fries. I poop them out and deep fry them in peanut oil! Yum! Yum!
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
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turtlepower 77 5
02/01/2011 04:06 AM
I love Burger King everything.
End of Story.
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