Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
12/10/2010 09:39 PM

Oh man. She hasn't found your collection of teenage horse scat porn, has she?

Spicey McHaggis 117,791 37
12/10/2010 09:40 PM

Who wants to tell her I'm not the warped, pedo, pervert that I seem to be.

1, 2, 3.. NOT IT!

SIV9939 13,642 16
12/10/2010 09:42 PM

Don't worry Mrs. Midgets (Midg-ette?), he's not the warped, pedo, pervert that he seems to be. He's much, much worse.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/10/2010 09:47 PM

She came across a pic of KChiki in a bra. I told her that that's the chick who sent me a game and a shirt that I still wear.

Good luck KChiki, don't answer your door.

Silent Ravos, Holy Ravos 63,472 21
12/10/2010 10:04 PM

Ya dun' goofed!

10 Midgets a-leaping 4,199 12
12/10/2010 10:07 PM

Don't tell her about the Zug freaky sex orgies that I organise & actively participate in.

Dianerda 57,835 109
12/10/2010 10:07 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Drewcifer aka Dr. Ew 46,366 58
12/10/2010 10:19 PM

Hey, you know what'd be funny?

If his wife turned out to be Popanator!

Silent Ravos, Holy Ravos 63,472 21
12/10/2010 10:20 PM

If that is the case, I think he'll be boned in an entirely different way.

Red makes Shemp look bloated 22,222 17
12/10/2010 10:58 PM

Hello Mrs. Midget.

Let me be the first to throw your husband under the bus.

How dare he not tell about such a huge part of his life that ZUG/GAB/LIVE is?

Who does he think he is not to include and share his most important friends online such as The Popenator, Pram Maven, and Lobster with the most important person in his real life...You?

And what's up with all these women in bras and ZUG15 Orgies? Huh, Mrs. Midgets, what is up with that? What is up with that indeed?

There must be a reason why he kept ZUG a secret. My wife knows all about ZUG, she thinks were all crazy and stays away. But that's besides the point. She still knows.

So ask yourself Mrs. Midgets, all these questions. And you will find your answers.

BTW, ZUG is a German phrase, Zheightenbrow Undergrownt Gaehlittlejerkenheimer.
Which translates to roughly and I mean very roughly to, The Dwarf Fister Society.

Straw La La La La 98,023 37
12/10/2010 11:17 PM

So was she reading the Live part of Zug? Did she see your posts, not knowing you were her husband? I wonder what went through her mind.

"Wow, he's a smartass, just like my husband."

"This guy is funnier than my husband. Maybe I should create an account and flirt with him."

"I'm so glad my husband isn't like this guy."

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/10/2010 11:30 PM

I'm just glad that she hasn't found out I posted my ass.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/10/2010 11:31 PM

Oh. Frost.

TopHatSnake 3,479 10
12/10/2010 11:39 PM

This could go the kind of wrong that people write movies about.

Red makes Shemp look bloated 22,222 17
12/10/2010 11:40 PM

Has she asked you why your icon is purple dick and balls?

The Ancient Fifer 186,138 44
12/10/2010 11:52 PM

Just wait until your wife finds out that I'm Whistler.

Sarah PaIin: dinosaurs wore saddles 39,193 20
12/10/2010 11:53 PM

Has she asked you why your icon is purple dick and balls?

She's probably so used to it that she didn't even question it.

Jeeni has Nice Ornaments 47,815 51
12/11/2010 01:06 AM

I'd be pretty surprised if I found out my husband was a closet midget.

Mr. Mike knows who's been naughty! 11,439 21
12/11/2010 08:32 AM

Good luck KChiki, don't answer your door.

I'd be more worried for Whistlers' safety when she finds out that he let you blow on his fife.

Chickens with tinsel and lights 286,647 61
12/11/2010 10:09 AM

Ms. Midgets. I suggest it is very important that you check out
Midget's Big Confessional Thread.


Your Pal,

Chickens.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/11/2010 10:24 AM

Gee guys. Thanks for all the help. Undies, I may need help finding a place to live and work after this.

As it turns out she found the site because her cousins husband posts here, but she can't remember his screen name. As far as I know none of the regulars are from their part of the country, so if he turns out to be mr mike or poopinanator there's going to be a road trip and some whoopass.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/11/2010 10:50 AM

Apparently she stumbled across the site and has been reading it for a few months at work.


Right. That sounds a lot like the time I "discovered" that the paint on the bumper of my minivan was all scratched up.

TopHatSnake 3,479 10
12/11/2010 10:52 AM

Call him! Find him! We must know! This is a chance, man! Seize it!

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/11/2010 10:55 AM

As it turns out she found the site because her cousins husband posts here


I have a confession to make. I'm your wife's cousins husband. And I'm boning your wife. Tell her I said Hi.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/11/2010 11:05 AM

Well, that explains the tail hairs and beer caps I found in the bed.

Mr. Mike knows who's been naughty! 11,439 21
12/11/2010 09:08 PM

so if he turns out to be mr mike or poopinanator there's going to be a road trip and some whoopass.

NOT IT!

And I sincerely hope for your sake its not the Shakespeareinator either!

Under-appreciated. 101,398 77
12/11/2010 09:31 PM

I was going to say that Mr. Mike lives like 15 minutes from Spicey and I. I don't think it's tehHaggis - he doesn't have any midgets in the family and your wife isn't my cousin. That I know of.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/11/2010 11:27 PM

I was just doing some online shopping and got tired of it so I brought up ZUG. I was on the laptop and not logged in. My wife was in the other room.

"Honey, whatcha doing?"

"Nothing. I'm watching tv.

"You're on ZUG again, aren't you?"

"No"

"Yes you are."

Laughing "how do you know?"

"I'm at the bottom of the online list but I'm not logged in."



So I sat her down and told her that if she wants to read or post she has to create her own account.

God have mercy on my soul.

Dianerda 57,835 109
12/11/2010 11:35 PM

End. In. Hilarious. Tears.

Declan McManus as George Bailey 131,891 36
12/12/2010 12:01 AM

I am going to be deliberately nasty (once upon a time, I used to be very pleasant here at GAB, but that didn't get orbs or trophies, so I am nastier here than I try to be "in real life.")


Perhaps Frau Midgets is really Poponater?


I cannot imagine why else anyone would give her/him/it orbs.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/12/2010 12:32 AM

No, Declan, she's not.

If the popeaters blog is right she's not near me. I think I have orbed it before, but never a five. Plus the fact I've yet to get her to sign up. I'm trying though.

So the hole in your logic is nearly as big as the one you leave in other mens Emersons.

Jesus Don't Want Me For a Sleighbell 4,199 12
12/12/2010 10:30 AM

Undetectable?

Jeeni has Nice Ornaments 47,815 51
12/12/2010 11:20 AM

Can we help Mrs. Midgets pick out her screen name?

My vote: "Bearded Lady"




(sorry!)

TopHatSnake 3,479 10
12/12/2010 12:57 PM

maybe "The Stilted Clownette"?



I'm not sorry.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/12/2010 02:59 PM

"Needs to get me a damn sammich."




I'm gonna be sorry.

Mr. Mike knows who's been naughty! 11,439 21
12/12/2010 06:38 PM

I just want her to sign up so she can confirm what we all know:

WHICH PART OF YOU inspired your screen name.

Maybe she should name herself after a feature of her anatomy. Then again if her SN is something like "My clit dwarfs my husbands Coleridge" I'm gonna puke.

The Mailman 176,467 56
12/12/2010 09:53 PM

I find it interesting that your wife has been reading ZUG recently: for the past few weeks, an anonymous female admirer has been sending pictures of her breasts to my email, "because she liked my posts on ZUG." She also said she was lurking and didn't have an account of her own.

Now I have a reason to believe that this person is in fact your wife. I like you Midgets, and I don't want anything weird or inappropriate happening between us. Since you might be interested to find out whether or not it is your wife who's been sending me pictures of her boobs, here is what I suggest: send me a picture of your wife's breasts and I will compare it with the pictures I already have. This way we'll both know for sure.

10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/13/2010 12:35 AM

Thanks Frenchie, you're a great friend.
I asked her about it and she said that she was sending breast pictures to someone. She said that she was getting penis pictures in exchange.

She stated that the pictures were either that of a field mouse or of a man in a very cold pool.
Tell me which one you were and I will send the appropriate pictures to you.

Chickens with tinsel and lights 286,647 61
12/13/2010 04:33 AM

An excellent insult and the comeback of the year.

Drewcifer aka Dr. Ew 46,366 58
12/14/2010 02:59 AM

Indeed.

waitwhat?

Drewcifer aka Dr. Ew 46,366 58
12/14/2010 03:13 AM

oh yeah,

If my wife ever starts "hanging out" here...

I'm only here to flog my blog.

And all of you hate me for that.

/thumbsup>

KChiki is all up in your mistletoe! 128,451 98
12/14/2010 09:19 AM

She came across a pic of KChiki in a bra. I told her that that's the chick who sent me a game and a shirt that I still wear.

Good luck KChiki, don't answer your door.

This both frightens me and cracks me up at the same time. Mailman was right. My favorite thread of the year was still yet to come.

Midgets 96,151 48
07/25/2011 09:09 PM

She's lurking again.

I see her over there. Not on who's on, but in her chair on her phone reading.





So, who besides Pram and Lobster want to suck my dick?

Pennsylvania Dutch Straw 98,023 37
07/25/2011 09:37 PM

Dear Mrs. Midgets,

Your husband is number one right now in the rankings. You should totally bone him.


Warmest regards,
Straw

boyz&toyz 107 5
08/04/2011 10:30 PM

It's time that Midgets gets rewarded, so I went and found him a couple of smurfs

Sprog 9,049 12
08/05/2011 08:28 AM

Smurf you, you mothersmurfing smurf.

(Only smurfing, I smurf you really.)

Pram 80,728 42
08/05/2011 08:44 AM

When I came to this site, Midgets was mean to me, Mrs. Midgets. He made me wear a dog collar. He didn't have me turn a webcam on or anything, he just wanted to know what I was doing.

So I made a bunch of stuff up and he orgasmed, or something. That's pretty gross. Your husband is gross, Mrs. Midgets. I'm not saying you should divorce him for it, though. Just think of it like he's using The Force in the bedroom. The Force of his icky, gross, and sexually exploitative nature.

He's also one of the funniest people I've ever met.

Pram 80,728 42
08/05/2011 08:46 AM

By the way, that was totally tongue-in-cheek, what I just wrote there.

I'm not going to say which set of cheeks, though.

Fratberry 283,051 53
08/05/2011 10:41 AM

She came across a pic of KChiki in a bra.

I did too. And with Kodak's new glossy paper cleanup was a breeze!

No less than 100zer of Straw 98,023 37
08/05/2011 11:15 AM

The way Pram kept referring to her as Mrs. Midgets somehow made me think of Mrs. Robinson. So when I was reading his post I heard Dustin Hoffman's voice in my head.

KatDawg 10,055 11
08/05/2011 12:12 PM

I read Pram's posts in Dustin Hoffman's voice too. Dustin Hoffman from "Rainman".